The Flower

Father's Day Weekend

2007-06-18T08:08:00.001-07:00

So here is our weekend. Friday was spent mainly grocery shopping for TheBee and me home with the girls. I got them off to bed at a decent time and all seemed well. TheBee and I download this game called Last Chaos. It's similar to WOW but free and I thought it would give us something to do jointly instead of him just playing his gaming stuff by himself and me having to stare at the tv. Needless to say it didn't work out that way. It's a WONDERFUL game, a bit hard to figure the ins and outs but I don't play and I hate reading instructions so it took Master getting on and leveling up before me to tell me what I was suppose to do and stuff. So if you love that kinda of stuff sign up here: http://lastchaos.aeriagames.com/

So Saturday morning was spent with a struggling baby all over us while we tried to play until I got so frustrated I just gave up trying to do anything but get ready. We went to finish the grocery shopping, which wasn't much but the little one is so hard to take anywhere. She wants in and out of the cart. Than she wants to sit on my lap while I drive the electric wheel chair. Than she has to put the stuff in the cart like big sis. IT's on and on. She got a yogurt at the store and before you know it had it all over her hands, legs, clothes, seat, and just everywhere. It was crazy. So we went home. Let Bitty nap and all that stuff and listen to her cough a bit because her congestion is getting to her. We woke her up right before we had to jet off again to a swim party with are ABF from church. It was raining but I packed the suits just in case. As I know the kids very well. We get there, and of course into the cold water they have to be. So, after about 2 hours of freezing and swimming Bitty had to potty. That was the signal to get out of dodge and we got. I had lots of cute time with one of the ladies little boy. As I didnt swim with my whale size body. The baby is about 6 mon, but he so small and cute. He is the youngest of 4 and the only boy. Poor soul. I held him so mom could swim with the next up little girl. We got home and I realized I left my purse out the house. Several phone calls later I got someone to bring it to church on Sunday. We ate hamburgers and hotdogs there so no need for dinner. We let the girls run around like demons and than got them ready for bed. Bitty doesn't want to do bath's anymore I am not sure why. She is in the way independent stage. "NO I do it" is about all I hear. She is every increasingly testing my buttons. We get the girls down finally about 10pm, and than we decide to have a little father's day fun of our own. It was going great until Master decided to pull out the lube we got from a friend for my bday. As soon as the plastic was off I knew it would be a big no no, but what can I say. Peppermint is just not a good thing on sensitive bits part. After deciding against it and cleaning him off of that crude I was totally out of the zone. Of course that's the time that he is done and wants to play with me, since we aren't having any pentration. Now he places his hand on my bit parts and goes at it. I feel the burning and am running through my head what it could be. I say "Is that the had you lubed with?" He says "Uhhh yeah." "Ok don't use that hand. He gets distracted again and bam again he uses it. So I just sigh, and he just says "I'll play with the top you do the bottom" Of course I can get myself off. So there I go and off I am. I go take a good hot bath and hope for the best. But to know avail I get an infection. FUCK! Anyway. Church in the morning, and than lunch and back to walmart for a few things. Bitty crying at me and running way to far ahead insues. I leave walmart frustrated and wanting to hid. We get home finally and get her in nap world. My mom calls to wish Master a happy father's day. They talk a bit and I have to call her back to see if she's talked to dad. Come to find out he said he emailed me. so I searched my 5 email accts to finally find his. I email him back letting him no basically it's ok to talk as long as you stop being an ass. So he calls. We talk a bit, he's uncomfortable and doesn't sound good. Wanted to know if we would take in his cat. We probably will. Than he talks to the girls and TheBee and we say our good byes. All in all it went ok.

So that's our Father's day here

How was yours?

Hana

Him Part 17

2007-05-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

There are only two post left in this story so here you go..

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly happened. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

Years flew by without even a thought in my mind of anything else but serving Michael in all the new ways he demanded. Each month brought a new surprise or learning experience. Each year brought a reaffirming of my commitment. We had many parties over the course or the time. Joshua and Jennifer married by law three years after her collaring, and they started having children. She spent weekends, once every couple of months, at our house. But as the children got older she spent less and less time away from home. I went to several parties outside the house, some work related while others were a part of our intimate lifestyle. I enjoyed both and thrilled at each detail. I met so many amazing people, and learn many new skills. My mind subconsciously started taking in little strides that where unnoticeable disobedience. If I was doing the filing, and lunch was at noon, I would wait until 11:00 to start to file. Or when taking my morning walks I would rest at the park and watch the kids swing before continuing back home. Little things that I saw as my time away from the norm. Michael’s job started becoming more demanding and so he was home less and less. Heather and Big John became a more serious couple, and they moved out of the house. As Michael’s demands got less he cut back on the staff needed on an everyday occurrence. There were many times that I sat in the library with a good book and a ham sandwich, with not a soul in the house. As time spanned I got less and less worried about what would happen, and more comfortable in what I felt formed to the moment. I had a daily schedule, but with no one to keep me in it I simply did all the things at the end of the day or first thing in the morning. Leaving the rest of the days to myself. I spent as much time as possible reading and laying in the hammock. One Friday Michael came home in a hurry. “Get Dressed in something nice!” he yelled over his shoulder on the way up the stairs. I followed him quickly, and went to pull the items for a party out of his closet. He stepped out of the stem of the shower and yelled at me “leave it there is no time, get ready now!” I did quickly with nothing more than a black dress he bought me for valentine’s last year. I fixed my hair in a casual curl and put some nice jewelry on. I was just finishing applying my lipstick when Michael smiled over my shoulder “You look lovely let’s go.” I rushed into my shoes and he tugged me out of the room and towards the stairs. I grabbed my purse out of the closet near the door and we were gone. We arrived in a rural part of the country onto a ranch house. I knew the house well, and saw Joshua approaching us immediately. “I am so glad you could make it Michael come in” Josh said has he wrapped his arm around his shoulder and started walking towards the house. I took one last look at myself in the side view mirror and than off I went after them. I found the group of giggling slaves quite easily, and upon my arrival we all started walking further into the gardens. A couple of the girls placed their feet into the water fountain, and we gabbed for hours about the new things we were doing that we never before thought we would do. I drank glass after glass of red wine, and as I started giggling and splashing my feet Jennifer eyed me suspiciously. She left for a few and upon her return I never again saw another glass a wine that night. I was quite gone already though so when some of the girls whispered about what their owners faces looked like when they were mad I wanted in on the conversation. I leaned inwards and thought I was whispering, but with the added alcohol level I was way above a whisper. “Oh Yeah!” I belted, “You haven’t seen nothing til you see Michael fuming…” I paused to burp and all the boys and girls giggled with me. All except Jennifer who left again. “Well, first his eye brows furrow..” And I took my fingers to help make my eyebrows do it. “Than his face sharpens like a crazed lion, sometimes I think he is going to growl…growl..growl..” everyone laughed encouragingly as I made paws out my hands and growled. “Next he lets out this deep sigh…like this….” I raised my chest as high as it could go and than let all the breath out of my lungs at once, spitting everywhere. More laughter followed, “And finally if he is really angry his foot will tap…watch” I had just stood up when throats started clearly, but being as drunk as I was I never understood there meaning. Instead I stood on the edge of the fountain with my arms crossed and my face forced inward, my lips out, and my foot tapping. But when I went to make a paw out of my hand again I lost my balance and started falling towards the water. My eyes went wide and just as I was about to land flat it in it I felt my dress being tugged so hard that I fell tumbling onto the ground. I shock my head to clear the long hair in my face and when I raised my eyes to say “thanks” I saw the tapping foot infront of me. I blinked once, twice, three times, and the foot was still there. I crawled over to it and touched it to see if it was really real. When it stayed there I swallowed hard and just sat there in the dirt. I thought if I closed my eyes real tight he would just disappear. The next thing I know I am being dragged up by my hair and pulled across the grounds, into the wooden floor, and across the carpet (dirty feet and all). When we reached the door I came to my senses somewhat and grabbed for the door. Anything to keep from the forward motion that was sending me out of the house. I was in full panic and when he pulled and I didn’t followed he turned slightly. I heard a sound I never thought I would hear from his being. The voice that followed was not human or kind, it was some sort of force beyond all thought. It screamed at me “You did not just grab that door.” I was so scared I didn’t know whether to let go or not. But when my body started rejecting the liquor inside I let go, only to avoid throwing up on the floor. I open my mouth to warn him, and he threw me down and was going to do god knows what to me when my stomach hurled its whole contents onto his shows and than I peed on myself. He took his shoes off infront of me and walked back towards the house. Slamming the door behind me. I didn’t move the whole time he was gone, and took each moment to try to get control of all the poundings in my body that were going on at once. I heard the door open, but when Jennifer’s voice hit my ears I was in shock. “ Hannah can you stand on your own?” I nodded. “Good I am to take you home, bath you, and put you in the den cage to wait.” She did exactly that. Once in the dark of his den I cried and cried and cried, until I could cry no more. When I finally fell asleep hours later I could think nothing but regret…..

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Him Part 16

2007-04-25T12:32:00.002-07:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly happened. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

The weeks flowed by smoothly, followed by the month. Each month brought new skills gained, and by the end of 6 months I was doing all of Michael’s office necessities. This included organizing all the servants’ informational files and paying the bills. It had been a year since Jennifer led me to the party. I hadn’t spoken or seen her sense. I did hear, through the grapevine, that another man not far from here owned her. Though Michael and this man were friends, Jennifer never graced our home. At the beginning of the summer I helped plan Michael’s yearly get together. The same party I had attended. As I went through the invited guest, to make sure all had responded, I noticed the man that supposedly had Jennifer was coming. I was almost too overjoyed to think, and as I stood I knocked the small table I had in my lap on the floor. Spilling all the cards everywhere. I raced to pick them up in a hurry and reorganized them even faster. I took a deep sigh when no one came around the corner to reprimand me. As the days grew closer and closer I had all but forgot about Jennifer’s maybe arrival. I was swarmed with making sure all the servants were in order and all the food had arrived on time to prep, I had little time for any ideal thinking. When the day arrived and all was clicking I was very much at ease. So when Michael hugged a dark haired gentleman and they started walking my way I was so distracted I never saw the girl behind them. Michael cleared his throat “Hannah, this is Joshua. Josh this is my little Hannah.” I blushed profusely and tried to curl into the floor, but remember my manners. I curtsied slightly to him and wished him welcome. The men step apart with a chuckle and Jennifer stepped up. I was in a state of shock, I took a step forward to run to her but than thought twice. Michael eyed me and than said “Is everything in order?” I nodded and than when his eyebrow raised said “Yes Master.” “Than you have 15 min with your friend.” I ran to her and we hugged, giggling out the back french doors. We talked like we had never been apart, it seems we both had gone through some major changes. When her watched beeped I pouted slightly, but her smile encouraged me. “Don’t worry we will be seeing each much more.” We gave a quick hug and I ran to get everyone settled into the main room. Just as I had done it Michael stood up and announced that we were all going on the back porch for so much needed air. I was confused, but helped everything get their barrings again and flow where he wanted them to go. Once outside I could not truly see anyone until people started being seated. When the crowd settled two men were standing the sands before me. One was Michael and one was Joshua. I titled my head slightly and Michael tilted his head back. Joshua made a snapping sound and Jennifer instantly pranced onto the sand and kneeled at his feet. I was still in a state of shock that I didn’t notice Michael’s command. He had to physical take a step forward for me to refocus myself. “Please excuse Hannah this is not what she was expecting. I thought it would be better performed as a shock to her.” He chuckled and all followed in his laugh. I moved forward slightly if not a bit nervous and settled in the sand below me. Jennifer took my hand and squeezed it. I still had no idea what was about to happen. Not until I saw the gleam in the sunlight. The shine of silver was unmistakable. It was the collar I had order months ago upon his request. The round steel was hand flattened and had no rough edges. He had it engraved with his family crest and a snake, a cobra to be exact. It slithered all the way around and the head and tail met at the sliding lock in the back. It was a piece of art in itself. He was talking to everyone but all I could hear was a loud buzzing in my ears. I shock my head slightly to try to get it out, but still no sound fell to my ears. I held my breath and tried to calm and that is when my ears gave my hearing back. Just as Michael was saying “I place this on your neck as I sign of personal ownership of you. It will never leave and you will always be mine” Before I could respond the cold steel touched me and I shivered before the click was heard. Another click immediately followed and I realized than Jennifer was being collard at the same time. Michael touched my cheek gently as tears rolled down my face. Without warning he grabbed me up by my hair, I screamed but only heard Jennifer’s yell. I was so lost again. I was dragged through the sand to a pole and was tied legs spread securely. Than a lever was pulled, and the wood rose out of the sand and turn parallel to the earth. I knew than what was happening and I pulled on my bonds all anew. I heard the crackle of the fire, and saw the iron red hot as it approached me. Jennifer’s fingertips touched my hand and it made me turn to look at her. The iron hit without me seeing it, and took a few seconds for me to feel. I screamed into the night air as it burned into my skin. I called Michael names I never thought I’d utter. When he removed the branding iron Jennifer was screaming. Michael leaned close to my ear “You know you are going to regret not hold your tongue.” I swallowed and than he released me and carried me into a waiting cleansing bath inside the house. When I was asked to make two baths I didn’t question, but now I know why he had the tubs placed in the same room. We were than carried to our rooms, lathered with cream and told to rest. It took several days before I could walk on it again. So through the weekend I ran the party by walkie talkies. When it was time for Jennifer to finally go home I cried and we swore to see each other more often. Though we really had no say over that. My punishment was really not as harsh as I had expected, he simply made me stand in the corner with gum on my nose while I was naked. Life became one big love. I spent my days in service, my heart in love, and my body thoroughly used. All was well and all was great!

All works are copyrighted and may not be copied to anywhere without authorization.

2007-04-25T12:32:00.001-07:00

So last night was masturbation city at Master's house. He had put bengay on his leg and so no sex for us. I am to sensitive..LOL. So it started out with him playing with me while we watched tv, really not doing much for me. For some reason since the baby I have been not really able to really turn myself on. Which is weird because last time I was ready to go. Master was all excited that this time he would get "pregnancy sex" which is like all the time. Anyway, So when that didn't work he started masturbating. He seemed to get distracted to like the good girl I am I said "You want me to show you my tits or ass or something." I was purely joking and teasing but he thought it was a great idea. So off my shirt went. He had me play with myself and watch him play. Of course this lead to him pinching my nipples and turning them, and me getting more and more happy. Have you ever had pregnancy nipples pinched? Well let tell you it hurts like you are on fire, but it sent wonderful shockwaves right to my cunt. As I got closer and closer, but still was having problems. He did what he has rarely done, he lean over into my ear and in a deep voice said "Cum for me bitch, your such a hot whore. Fucking cum already" within in seconds I had such huge orgasms I was bouncing all over the bed. Than he came all over me and we took a warm shower kissing and necking. It was good..damn good! Better than cock! Did I say that? Well that was last night, and I think it was the rain.

Keep your fingers crossed it happens again. BTW, for all you story watchers the next post will up after this.

Hugs

Hana

Him Part 15

2007-04-24T07:44:00.001-07:00

I know you all have been desperately waiting for this so here you go..LOL

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly happened. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

The weeks flew into another, each week I gradually fell into the cycle of the house. My mind followed my body, and before I knew it I was moving to the rhythm of service. My smile at dinner was genuine, but still no one was talking to me. Now not even Ruth would speak to me after what happened to Larissa. Another month went by and I was finally called to Michael’s office. I was so elated that I didn’t even hesitate. I practically ran and had to catch my breath to knock demurely. When a female voice told me to enter I swallowed slightly, but entered anyway. I kept my eyes downcast and walk slowly to the place infront of the desk. Heather’s voice hit me first “Well, you are right. But she still owes me.” I knew they weren’t talking to me, and so I kept my place and waited. I hoped Michael would stand between Heather and I. He sighed slightly and said, “Your correct dear, but I don’t want her damaged. You will do it here in front of me, and than you are even and we move on.” “Oh don’t worry we’ll move on.” She chuckled evilly. I swallowed and heard her step back from her chair and approach me. “Hannah, I hear you have been reading the manuals.” She said from behind me. As it wasn’t a question I didn’t answer. “Hmm, well I hope you read them well. Stand!” she commanded. I took a few steps back and spread my legs about shoulder width apart. I slowly rolled my spine up to a more regal position, while rolling my shoulders back. My neck erected to where my eyes would meet Michael’s at level, but instead I slightly lowered them. I could see just under my forward vision, his face had no expression. I slide my hands into the crevices of my lower back, placing the right on the left and took in a deep breath to try to relax. Her wicked laughter followed, “Well, well. That was impressive. Now bend forward hands on the desk.” I did as she instructed and tried to make my hands not shake as I place them against the oak. I felt her body press up against my bottom, and she slowly rose up the hem of my skirt, and lowered my panties. “Now you will count them, and thank me. Let’s begin.” The first slash of her cane almost sent my knees buckling underneath me. It definitely was thinner and shorter than Michael’s. I cleared my throat and got a squeaky “1, thank you Mistress” out before the next one hit. This went on for a round of 20, and by the end I was crying so profusely that water had covered the edge of his desk. She patted my bottom at the end, and said rise. I moved back into my previous position. Her hand tilted under my chin and she told me to look at her. When my snot-covered face was exposed with my tear filled eyes she smiled “Don’t ever make me loose a girl again. Do you understand?” I cleared my throat “Yes Mistress.” I said. “Good, now I will leave you with your Master,” she kissed my forehead and walked out. I lowered my eyes again and he cleared his throat. “Your punishment has been lifted and you will be changing rooms. You no longer will work in the kitchen. See the butler for you new assignment. You may leave.” I was so elated I wanted to kiss him, but instead I nodded and walked out. I ran to the bathroom first and clean myself up, making sure to place some cream on the marks on my bottom. I raced to the front door to find the butler; he was all smiles as always. “You did good Hannah, you are now a house maid. Upstairs is your domain. Sarah is up there and she will show you to your room.” I hugged him and than got my things out of the room Ruth and I shared. I walked fast paced upstairs to find Sarah. She showed me the girls dorm, and where to place my things. We then went through the instructions of upstairs. I paid close attention and than the clock chimed for lunch. She handed me my new uniform, I quickly changed and we hurried downstairs. As I was no longer a kitchen maid I got to sit with all the servants at the eat- in kitchen. It was so good to have people to talk and laugh with. I smiled down the table at Sarah and knew I was going to love it here more and more each day.

All works are copyrighted and may not be copied to anywhere without authorization.

Him Part 14

2007-04-16T10:01:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly happened. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

The week passed by slowly for me, I spent my mornings doing food service and chores. In the afternoon, when everyone else had free time, I spent my moments polishing silver or running laps around the back yard. I spent my evening reading manuals that were left on the library shelf; George thought it was a good way to train my brain what my body already wanted to submit to. On Saturday a women guest arrived for Michael, and when he took her upstairs that night in nothing but a see through white negligee I thought I would never make it. I lay in my bed and turned away from Ruth and cried softly. She said nothing to me and simply went to sleep. When Sunday evening arrived I was sure the demerits meeting would be held soon, but when no one came for me I became slightly worried. By bedtime all the servants had either received praise or punishment for the previous week, all accept me. I saw Ruth cheerfully come in with her new book, she went on and on about the shopping trip she and others were allowed to go on. When I didn’t want to hear anymore I raised the covers over my head and said good night. She huffed slightly and got ready for bed without another word. I instantly felt guilt, but I just didn’t feel emotionally that I could handle her schoolgirl ramblings. The next few weeks went by the same, with each passing week I became more and more lonely. Which each Sunday came a new gift or a privilege for Ruth, which she randomly would tell me about. After four weeks of nothing but polished silver in the afternoon I cracked. I simply laid my head down and cried. For when I walked in Friday afternoon to find a whole table over pouring with silver that needed polishing. I accomplished one fork when George checked in on me two hours later. I cleared my throat and tried to swallow my sniffles, but there was no way to hide that I just didn’t do anything but cry. He came close to me, a bit of concern on his face. He talked to me for a good hour about how crying was only going to get me demerits and that if I wanted this to be over with I had to find a way to pull out my inner strength. As he talked he would polish an item, or I would. He must have been gone for quite awhile because neither of us heard Michael’s entrance. “George.” Which he said with much restraint. Though his posture of leaning against one wall with a leg propped up didn’t show any hint of displeasure. I thought George was going to jump through the ceiling, and than his face blushed and his head lowered. He said, with a well-defined tone of experience, “I beg your pardon Sir. I will find my way out.” I allowed my eyes to trail from George’s leaving form to Michael to try to get some clue of what was coming. Michael’s body moved so fluently I never saw his slap coming, but when it made contact with George’s face I heard it all through my body. “George if I ever see you doing her work again, that will be the least amount of kindness I show you.” George simply nodded and left the room. I thought Michael would say something to me, but instead he simply turned and walked out. Leaving me thinking nothing but how I despised him. I lifted a teapot in anger and was aiming for the door he just exited out when Ruth stepped through. I tucked it back on the table swiftly and started my scrubbing with renewed despise. “Hannah, Master wants to see everyone in the livingroom.” I didn’t move or look up when I said, “He doesn’t mean me”. She shook her head, “Yes he does, and he specifically asked me to come get you.” I tilted my head and her and took her hand encouragingly. I entered the space and curled on the carpet with the other girls. There were none of the male servants in the group so I knew something was up. There were four men in chairs next to Michael, two on either side. Along with Big John, Heather, and Leon (The hired man for the horses). All the girls were sending their excitement through the air, when I settled I felt the static try to flow me into it. I had never seen what was coming, and had not been spoken to in weeks. My excitement had left my body long ago. The man to Michael’s left stood and the room went so silent I could hear the crickets chirping outside. He said not a word as he traveled the edge of the area rug. He made two passes before reaching into the gaggle of girls and pulling out the brunette, Sarah. He tossed her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and patted her bottom. She giggled playfully in response as he stepped out of the crowd and up the stairs. I was still staring bug eyed upstairs when the next man stood. I inched closer to Ruth not wanting to be picked in this ridiculous game of catch. When he stopped close to me and reached in it took all my strength not to scream. Though instead of me he grabbed Ruth and she gleed with happiness. There were somewhere around twenty girls in the house currently, and by the time 7 had been chosen and exited I knew that Michael would never pick me. I didn’t lower my eyes like the other girls but simply stared at his face. I felt that if he was going to make me watch him leave with another girl, I was going to show him it didn’t bother me. He leaned back for a moment and stared into the crowd. His eyes so intent on what he was looking at I felt my stomach turn. Not once did I lower my eyes, even as his beast started invading his face. He stood with his work boots booming on the floor, and as he passed through the middle of the crowd, girls swayed or rapidly moved out of his way. He grabbed a blond, Larissa, by her hair and pulled her after him. She screamed but never really struggled and when he reached me he bent down to my eye level. I was sure that a slap was coming, but I bore my eyes right back into his baby blues. He simply pointed to the stairs “Move!” He said with a voice that bounced off the walls. I raised a slow smile to him and said matter-of-factly “I thought you weren’t talking to me.” His eyes flashed red but when he didn’t hit me I was again perplexed. He simply turned and grabbed a dog leash off the front walk. I heard it and Larissa drag behind him as he made the trek back to me. I smiled again “Oh! So now you’re going to beat me. Well let me get in position.” I started to raise my arms as to remove my top, and before I had my hands on the cloth I felt the cold metal loosely hanging around my neck. Definitely not what I was expecting, and since I was not equiped to hide my emotions yet Michael knew my reaction immediately. “Check mate Bitch!” He said and began to walk away with the leash in one hand and Larissa in the other. As he made large strides it took no time for the metal to grasp around my throat. I gagged and stubbornly stayed still as the chain tightened and tightened. When I started turning blue one the girls shoved me after Michael. “Move you idiot.” I moved than to the landing just as he landed on the middle rung. He never slowed down; though I made efforts to keep up they were defeated as I waited to long to follow. Each second step he took tightened the chain around my throat I lost air. I never paid attention where we were going and when a large wooden door slammed behind me I jumped. I was in the room alone with Michael and Larissa. I took in the domineering feel of the room we entered. The bed was made out of logs, as well as all the furniture. When I looked for Michael he was ripping Larissa’s clothes off of her and digging his teeth into any exposed flesh. She was moaning and arching her body in response. He still had a firm grip on the leash and was now starting to pull it closer and closer to his body. I saw small bits of blood escape places Michael had before he tossed her onto the bed. By that time I had made my gradual crawl across the hardwood to his feet. He held the length of the chain between us so tight it lifted me off the ground. When I was just touching he looked down into my eyes “Do you think you can do as your told now? Or do I need to time you up?” I was to scared to answer, the masks he had hid so well was eroding and the man behind it was a demon I had never wished to call. He screamed in my face “ANSWER ME!” I felt his breath pass my face and I tried to control the sob in my throat “Yes…Master.” He nodded and with one swoop tossed the chain off of me and threw me down to the ground. “Stay!” He commanded. I swallowed and didn’t move, I don’t think I could have moved if I wanted to. My whole body felt as it had become ice and was frozen in place. He than went to Larissa, who was screaming terribly by now. I am sure this is not what she wanted when she dreamed of Michael enjoying her. His body covered her in shades and rage, as he slammed all his energy into the crevices of her womanhood. He slapped her several times and when she tried to crawl away once he grabbed her ankle and slammed her down on her stomach. When he let out a feral growl of release and got off of her I could see the blood dripping from her rectum. He picked up the phone and mumbled into it. Heather and Big John stepped through the door. She took one look at the Larissa and than at me. She pounced before I could react and got one good slapped in before John was pulling her off of me. It was painful but left no lasting damage. I knew the next time I was in her clenches I would pay, would pay heavily. They then picked up Larissa and walked out of the room with her. She would need many stitches and several weeks to heel, but she never held this night against me. I was dismissed immediately after Heather’s departure. Two months later Larissa decided this was not what she wanted, and was sent in a taxi to the airport to go back home. I still miss her to this day.

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The weekend

2007-04-16T07:43:00.001-07:00

The weekend was kinda blah. Friday I spent a hour at walmart debating a package I was suppose to have delivered, site to store, from my mom to the girls. They refused the packages, but it took a hour of walking back and forth across the entire store and calling customer service to figure it out.

Than we rushed home before another big storm hit, though were we live no tornadoes just lots of rain. On Saturday we laid around the house, watching tv. Than went to the mall and let the girls ride the indoor train. On Sunday, after church we went to meet Master's Dad and step mom for lunch. Good and bad it was, his dad won't be watching the babies so we are going to have to find another avenue. I am not sure what yet. Than Master went to play kickball with the church and I pulled the ground cover out of our bushes area. This way I can plant my flowers next weekend. I didn't get it all done because Bitty decided to chase the cat around the house, and I looked up and she was gone. I panicked and raced around the house and tanned her hide good. Than into the house we went.

Oh and I started bleeding again, DAMN IT!

That's my weekend

Hana

The seesaw

2007-04-12T06:15:00.001-07:00

Today I am going to write about balance and how it plays out in my life. I have had lots of people over the years say things to me like: Your so happy, your so sweet, your so nice, your so strong, your amazing, etc. But what people don't realize is a I hid behind huge walls of brick and morter. Things I have built for years, so have not been up that long...some have been up a long while. So when I write about my past I write it from behind the multitude of walls. It's like looking in from a crack and know there's this huge wall infront and so no harm and no feeling. When I lived in those moments it was nothing like that, my fear and depression was serious and devastating. When I met my ex I was ready to die, and would have chose it if my best friend at the time didn't pull me out and show me there was a reason to live. It cost me a lot to leave my ex. 4 years without my oldest and not knowing were she was. It hurts still today, and each time she leaves to see her dad I worry they will run with her again. So I live my life on a seasaw of sorts. On the right is the slave I think I want. You know the kneeling, the nudity, the completeness into the abyss. On the left is my imitate family and friends. My kids stand right next to me on this side, and as you slowly stretch out to my parents more and more walls come up and more and more mask come on. So when someone from church who hears the story of my husband being diagnosed with cancer 2 months after our premature infant was born, and they say to me your so strong. They really have no idea what lives inside me, what grows like a vine over each wall. I have to spray just to keep it away from ever touching me. Than there is the middle were I think all is peach. But it really isn't. I am not what I want to be as a mother,slave, or wife. Anytime I start to move to the right to gain more of myself I fall so hard and so fast I have trouble recovering. My Master lifted his hand to slap me about over a year ago. I cried for three days and he never touched me. But if he totally walked away, we removed the collars and all that it involved I would be on shaking ground I would loose my connection with the world again. Some of you know that I stripped for many years after leaving my ex. I needed the money and I had to find a way to get it. The money came easy, and the men came even easier. Life there was sweet, and I could buy whatever I wanted. The catch? The alcohol to hide my soul and my heart, the woman I became so manipulating. I had become so good at it that I could watch a man walk in and know whether he had money, and if I could get it from him with just one glance. It took me getting pregnant to get out of the business, and still today I have trouble leaving the easy money behind. My father refuses to talk to me, and though thats devastating it's own right I desperately need to talk to him. I don't know why he never encouraged me a day in my life. But it's like this addiction. TheBee he says that if we have a boy and my dad calls he is going to tell him that he knows what kind of person he is now and that the kids don't need that kind of person in their lives. I know he is right, i know they are better off with people that love them complete. But he's my dad and it's so painful and so hard. It tears me up inside to think I have to say to him...ENOUGH! I just don't have it in me. Why am I telling you all this? Well I know some who have fallen off their seesaw lately, and I want them to know your not alone.

Anyway meet my seesaw life

Hana
~Robert's little flower~

Him Part 13

2007-04-11T09:57:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly happened. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

He cleared his throat and shuffled through some papers. I sat and waited with a smile, though my impatience was starting to get the best of me. When he finally looked up and closed his fingers together I let out a deep breath. “Hannah, I have discussed with your trainers what to do about your demerits for this week. It seems we are in a bit of a pickle with you. Normally girls coming upstairs don’t have demerits, as they want to avoid going back downstairs. But you seem to be a special case, and since I don’t think putting back downstairs will advance your training. We are going to do something unscripted. Your choices are the same, you can take what is coming and start over. OR you can choose to leave.” Michael paused for sometime and I just stared at him unsure what to say. When I said nothing in response he simply made a note and continued. “First, stand move the chair to the left. Than take your clothing off and place it in the chair. Upon returning to the pervious position, place your hands on the desk while in a standing position. “ I looked at him awe struck for a moment, I must have looked confused because Michael simply rolled his wrist to look at his watch and than said “Anyday now Hannah. I have guests waiting for me.” I swallowed and said, “Yes Master.” After which I simply got up and did a few moment to place the chair in position. I turned slightly and began to undo the closures that held my garments on. When I placed the black silk on the chair and slipped off my shoes I closed my eyes for a moment. “Now turn towards me,” Michael said calmly. I held my head down to my chest not wanting them to see the blush or the tears that arose as I loosen the bra from my body, and my hands found the clips to undo the thigh highs from the garter belt. “Raise you head Hannah and lift you eyes.” He voice stated though when I lifted my eyes a saw his slowly turn into the evil I saw the first night. Tears than were unstoppable and I had to swallow hard to keep the sobs from overtaking me. Being naked infront of him was one thing, even before Heater or Big John, but having several pairs of eyes watching my every move was overwhelming. My hands were shaking when I laid them on the desk, but when I set my legs in place and Michael smiled at me it had such a look of “your mine” my anger at him rose before I could control it. He stood staring at me, and I stood in position staring back defying him with my eyes each moment. He stood up and I didn’t follow his movement, I told myself I was prepared for whatever he had coming. I smelled his musky scent as he came close to me. His mouth so close to my ear I could hear his breathing, he whispered in a low tone. “You know you won’t win this game right bitch?” I whispered back “I didn’t we were playing a game, but if you want to play let’s play.” He than reached between my legs, dipped his finger between my thighs, and brought it to my nose. “You know you smell your little cunt calling to me.” He said. Before I could answer the cane came swishing down across my upper back. It was intense I had to take in a deep breath and tell myself to continue to breath. When the second hit made contact and I dug my nails into his desk he grabbed a hold of my neck and slammed me into the desk. “No need to ruin my wood.” He voice trailed into my ears and the lines of fire covered my upper back with rapid succession. By the time he stopped I was in such a state of anger and feeling of him close making me need him more. I had allowed the people in the room to fade and centered on just winning the battle so much that when his cock rubbed up against the entrance of my cunt and his words touched my ear I was complete void of any other thought. “Do you want my cock in you? You know this would truly make you a whore. Come now whore tell me how much you want to feel me. How much you have craved for me to do exactly what I am doing. Tell the good people what you need.” His voice was filled with darkness and lust. I could only get out the word “yes” before his cock was slamming into me and forcing my body across the carpet until my hips slammed into the desk. He held my neck in its new position easily and as his pounding increased he increased the pressure on my neck. I close my eyes and tried to concentrate of small slow breaths. By the time he pulled out of me and covered my lower half with his semen I was starting to feel dizzy and lighted head. He released his hold enough for me to gain air. Which I took lots of. Than he said one last thing from behind me “Stay just like that don’t move” I heard the door behind me open and shoes move in. Than Michael’s voice say “Don’t straggle come in, I want everyone to see what happens to slaves who think they rule this house or rule me. Come on, come in.” I heard mixed voices some of girls I recognized some I didn’t, some male voices mingled inbetween. I heard Michael pass back and forth across the tile floors. I told myself I would not cave; I would not allow him to know he has gotten to me. When everyone was made to look at me for a good five minutes I than heard Michael approach me. He placed his hand on top of the cane marks and put his weight into me. I bit down hard not to cry out and let a small tear pass down my cheek. Everyone of the people behind me gasped or took in a breath at the pain it must be causing me. He than leaned close to my ear and said “Who owns you?” When I let my lip go to answer I tasted the copper taste of blood and gritted my teeth and refused to answer. “Oh your not done playing. Well ok, we will just make you well used whore than.” He turned to the crowd and to my shock said. “Please raise your hand if you haven’t had any sexual pleasure in over a month.” I heard hands go up and feet shuffle. “Now raise your hand if you would do anything to put your sexual frustrations into a viable little cunt.” I head more shuffling and than he said to me “Looks like a lot of people would like to use you today.” He must have made motion for one to step forward cause I heard feet coming close to me. I could smell a different scent as they approached and could feel the heat of his body radiate against me. When he laid his hand on my inner thigh I scream out. Michael leaned in close to my ear, “What? What did you say? I can’t hear you.” I let out on big deep sigh and the tears that I had been holding in flooded my face “You own me Master, you can do whatever you wish to me anytime at your whim. Please forgive me. I beg you.” He chuckled deep than. “Oh you found your slave self again huh? Well Johnny is so hard I think you can show me how much you want to be my slave.” He released his weight from my back and removed his hand, replacing it in my hair. With a few quick movements he had me on my knees infront of the stable boy. I almost gagged at the sight of his clothes; he must have been shoveling when he was called into the house. “Johnny already had his cock out of his pants and the way I was left with my face right infront of it. Michael leaned up against the desk and simply said “Begin Hannah.” I cried as each moment passed but I eventually conceded and opened my mouth. I am sure it was probably one of the worse blowjobs I gave. I gagged and cried most of the time. But Johnny didn’t seem to mind. He came easily and even enjoying spraying it all over my face and tits. I just sat there as heard Johnny walk away from me and Michael’s command for everyone to leave. When all was quiet and I could only smell Michael’s scent close to me I sobbed so profusely. He took a washcloth to my face, and said “Your mine, and you need to learn that soon. Now before I send you off I am going to tell you the rest of your punishment. Since you seem to not enjoy when I don’t fall all over you, no one except George and Ruth will be speaking to you for the next. If you can make it all week without a demerit than you regain speaking privileges. You will eat in the kitchen, and you will have no free time. Now you better go it’s almost dinner time.” I wiped my face and legs with the cloth and grabbed my clothing. I walked out of his office without another word to him. I immediately regretted it, but knew I could not go back into his office. So instead went to our room and took a shower. When I stepped out I told myself that I was a new person, and that I would show him how much

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Limits

2007-04-06T11:04:00.001-07:00

Lili brought up a post on safe words here http://thelilipages.livejournal.com/251150.html#cutid1

It brought another one of my pet peeves to the for front. The one on limits and having no limits. I really just don't believe a girl can have no limits to everyone at anytime. For me when a girl says she has "no limits" with someone, I interpret that as meaning she has no need to worry about said person crossing those "hard limits" and so those become null and void. But with Master and I trying to have another girl in our home we have got a lot of girls, when asked about limits, adamantly state the motto of "I have only what my Master allows me." That almost immediately turns me off to any potentials. You see a new girl with unknown partner should have lots of limits, and than you slow remove those limits as you get to know the partner and trust evolves. But you can't just start out with a "no limit" policy. Girls I have told this to think that I am silly, or am not deep enough inservice. I really just don't understand this online bullshit? You don't date a normal guy without having some well defined rules, so why when it comes to lifestyle people we just throw all those rules out the window? Is it because of all the players who say over and over that we aren't who we say we are if we have x, y, or z as limitations? How many times can you say to a new girl don't meet a man from online alone in his apartment? I mean really!!! I know women aren't this stupid!

Thats my rant for today..

On baby news, I heard the heartbeat yesterday and gained another 3 lbs. SIGH

I wish you well

Hana

Him Part 12

2007-03-29T15:10:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly happened. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

I woke up to the first rays of dawn shining in on my face. I stretched slightly and took a bit a grimace from the still sore rib. I roll onto my side and threw my feet into the soft carpet and breathed a deep sigh of relief and the cozy feel. When I opened my eyes again I saw a girl across from me just rolling out of bed herself. “Good I won’t have to wake you. I’m Ruth, your roommate.” She was a cheerful little thing. Rounded cheeks like from the storybooks, and nice plump tummy to match. Her smile so radiant it was contagious and she made me giggle slightly. “I’m…” I tried to say but she cut me off with a shoo of her hand. “I know who you are, your Hannah. I am sure once you get your barrings you’ll remember me,” she said cheerfully. She was just making her bed as we talked, and she acquainted me with her early morning routine. “Of course you can change it as it suits you, but it has helped me through the years,” she stated. She put her gray hair up in a tight bun and than put her maids cap on top. I laughed so much than as the cap looked like something my grandmother wore to bed though it was black with ruffles. More nighttime wear than daywear, she smiled. “Master says it suits me,” she giggled than. I grabbed my uniform off the end of my bed and asked her were we where suppose to be first at what time. She answered and I went off into the side door into the room that I knew would lead to a bathroom. I looked at my watch and hummed to myself “Good 2 hours before I need to be in the kitchen, plenty of time to wash and freshen up”. I turned the shower on as hot as I thought I could stand it and let the water pour over all the bruises that had accumulated. It felt so good time flew by unknown to me, and I shaved and washed leisurely. I heard the door open and the warm room became a bit chilly. “Hannah?” Ruth’s cheerful but worried voice inquired. “Yes?” I said. “OH MY! You have 20 minutes to get dressed and be down the hall you better get out now and HURRY!” she said. I stop the tap instantly and rushed out of the drying off speratically as Ruth came in and I blushed. “No time for that right now, I have seen many naked bodies in my time. You need my help or you’ll never finish,” she stated without stopping her assault on drying me thoroughly. I would have just thrown my clothes on damp but she insisted. Once dried except my long her she sighed and helped me into my lacey panties, black maids’ uniform that was mostly ruffles and lace, and a small apron around my waist. She helped me get the thigh highs on, and my heeled shows all in black. I popped my hair up into a not so tight bun, and snapped a few pins in. Than Ruth aligned my hat and before I could take one last look was dragging me out of the bathroom by the hand. I grabbed my watch and some lipstick on the way out which I put on as we rushed down the hall. We made it five minutes to spare and I dropped the lipstick in a small drawer just outside the kitchen to get later. A few strands of hair had come undone in our hurry. So I took a minute to set them back in place and Ruth straightened herself before entering. I followed behind her expecting to find Michael or Big John on the other side. Instead only the cook and the butler were there. I chuckled low and nudged Ruth, whispering low “you had me rush for nothing they aren’t even here yet.” She didn’t respond and when she stopped next to the butler I was still smiling when I stepped beside her. Two girls ran in a few minutes later, about my age one brunette and the other a red head. The cook called over his shoulder “Your late, mark it down 10 each”. They walked up to a pad on the table and scribbled on it. Just when I was about to ask Ruth about it I heard Michael walk through the door in deep conversation with another male I didn’t know. He didn’t even make eye contact with me but kept his conversation going as the cook held a ladle out to him and he tasted it. He paused and nodded and than continued through the other door. I blinked a bit having been completely ignored but my attention turned back to the cook as he began to speak. “Hannah I know your new upstairs, but I also know Ruth is normally early not on the dot. So I am going to take a guess and say that was your doing.” I went to say something and Ruth pinched me so I didn’t. “Let me tell you how my kitchen works. Everyone is in here preferably early so that we can have the entire course on the table promptly. Michael strolled through here possible because his food was not flying out the door yet for him and his guest. I suggest you find a way to make here in a good amount of time. Now I am sure no one has explained demerits to you. So let me take a moment to explain them. Each demerit is worth one of something. 10 demerits are worth 10 mins or punishment. 20 demerits are worth a privilege removed and so on. At the end of the week we add them up, and depending on the total your owner at the owner who you are serving will come to an agreement on what the total is worth in debt. Than you will serve that debt or you can have the choice to leave the house. Those are you choices. All demerits come in as many as we feel owned for the mistake. It is at our discretion. For making not only you to run behind but also Ruth…..and for not having dried hair and proper attire for the duty you are performing today,” with that she pointed to the run in my hose,”40 demerits.” She than turned and walked away from, finishing spooning all the breakfast items on their individual platters. My jaw dropped at the harshness and I stepped forward. She raised her head slightly and met cold eyes with me I swallowed and stepped back. She than lifted a platter and the red head at the end grabbed it and headed out the door Michael had just left. All of us except the butler followed suit, and I followed Ruth as the caboose into the dinning room. She whispered to me orders as we went. How to hold the trays, how to place them on the table, how to position my body, what to look for when more is needed, so much stuff I thought my head would explode. Though thankfully breakfast went just fine. All the girls were called to someone’s side to feed from their hands. All except for me. When they left and we carried the empty plates in. The cook, George, handed me a small plate of food and pointed to a corner. “You must have really pissed him off, go eat over there. Hurry I have things I need done.” He said. I did as he told me and tried to not let Michael’s shunning bother me. The morning chores went by fast, and smooth, I fixed my hose and hair in passing. So by the time lunch rolled around I was presentable and early with Ruth. Lunch went smoothly as well, but I was still not offered food. Again I had to eat alone in the corner. This went on for days, but the weekend I was desperate for just anything from him. It never came no matter how much I succeeded. When Sunday rolled around I was so consumed with need to see him, that when I was called into his den I was not prepared for the demerits to be removed but wanted him and only him. I stepped through the door seeing George, Michael, Heather, and Big John. I almost turned around and when Michael stood up and pointed to a spot in front of him I screamed inside my head. I closed my eyes and sunk into the chair before them, and waited my fate.

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In the news

2007-03-29T10:12:00.001-07:00

I am still on the fence about this story, it's been plaster over most BDSM sites. I understand some of why she continued to see him after the supposed sexual work, but I just am on the fence about if she gave consent and never asked to leave why he was convicted. I will have to think about it more. Here's the story

http://www.amny.com/news/local/crime/am-sexabuse0306,0,4318597.story

I know most of you won't understand my thinking, you really have to have a contract and be in this life to see my confusion. Here is another part of the story

http://www.amny.com/news/local/wire/ny-bc-ny--sampmontrial0305mar05,0,4603869.story

You can read comments from people that new him and didn't take them as you will any other online thing you can read them here

http://www.downonmyknees.com/archives/bdsm_news/master_arrested_for_force.php

Now here's the problem I have with the whole trend of things. I know many many MANY women who have had what has been described by this women and it was all consensual and all done in that realm and than some. From branding to cutting, to rape scenes, to tied up, to surgical scenes, and the list goes on and on. I have seen these relationships break up and than come back together. Or be completely destroyed by lies somewhere else in the world and leave the girls floundering. I think it all comes down to this....Did she say stop? Did she ever try to leave? Did she truly feel this was wrong and speak up about it? These things are never stated in the scores of documents online. So no one really knows whether this girl just one day decided that she didn't want to do it anymore, and so instead of telling him she wanted out she called the police. OR was she really fearful for her life. No one really knows accept here and this is what leaves me on the fence.

Just my two cents
Hana

Him Part 11

2007-03-28T15:05:00.000-07:00

I know two posts in one day are you amazed? I am doing it cause I need to move it along, I have a spot I would like to reach before Friday. So here you go. Sorry for the length ther was really no way to break it up.

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly happened. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

The time in my dungeon basement was so disorientating. There would be days that Heather came in and made sweet love to me, and days she was a terror to be around. Each day was spent partly on teaching me something new. If I didn’t learn whatever they were after to teach me I was ultimate punished and Big John (what I called him when he was evil) would come out the following day. It was as if he than had a license to not hold back, and on those he didn’t. Though through the fear of Big John I learned a lot about how to push feelings to climax and into a small fire. It takes time and patience but it can happen. I did live up to my promise to myself, and never again was a surprised by who came down the stairs or water for that matter. I lived for the exercise room, though it was a grueling time, it was the only time I could see daylight shining in the windows. I spent all of my time on my knees doing various functions of basic training. From kneeling, to movement, to commands, to hand motions, to exercise, to eating off the floor, to begging for everything, and much more I cannot even remember. The days rolled into one another, as the weeks flew by. I tried to keep track of how long I was in there but after three times I slept and couldn’t remember what day it was I gave up. I learned to walk with a leash and how to play the perfect pet. I had come so use to not speaking I wasn’t even sure what my true voice sounded like. The day a stranger enter my basement space I was so confused. I could smell his cologne, and his shoes were definitely no one I knew. His pace was heavier and he spoke with a bit of accent. I didn’t at first make the connection; through I tried to recollect all the names in all the files in Michael’s office, because I spent the first moment of his entrance looking at his feet. He spoke to me about how much he hear about me, and how he was here to look me over. I was unsure what that exactly entailed but I hoped whatever it is that it wasn’t painful. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a small motion against his thigh. I new the command but never having performed for someone else I hesitated slightly. When his hand rose I was more frighten of what was coming than a mistake and I moved fast. He hummed to himself, but said nothing to me. He made several more motions that I followed precisely, leaving me standing with my eyes downcast in the last motion he made. He than circled me, taking in all my features. I knew this only because as he went around he made notes to himself about my body. He said things like “small breast” or “bruise on left buttock”. I blushed on something’s and not on others. He than stood right infront of me and caressed my cheek softly, I purred and leaned into it. When he removed his hand I put my head back in place just in time to see his hand raise and I closed my eyes to prepare for contact. When it never came I open them slightly and his face was looking at me. His expression was one of curiosity and deep thought, the way his eyebrows were furrowed took all my strength not to laugh. He than began examining me deeper, pinching places while teasing others. When he was done he snapped a leash on me and had me crawl around after him. The time seemed to go on forever and I started wearing down, but kept up pretty well with his commands. He tied my leash to a leg of bed and petted my head and than left. I was confused, I contemplated in my head whether that meant stay or released or take a rest or what exactly. I must have been thinking for a long time when smelled before I heard Michael’s footsteps come down the stairs. Isabelle was behind him with a chair, which she set down in front of me and than left. Michael sat comfortably with a file in his grasp and leaned forward on his knees. “Well it looks like you are still here,” He said. I was unsure if I was to respond as it wasn’t a direct question so I didn’t. “Do you know who that was?” He asked. I shook my head still unsure to my voice. He smiled “You can respond vocally for now. A simple yes or no Master will suffice.” I open my mouth to speak and came up with a cracking voice, I had to swallow a few times and clear to get the words out “Yes Master, No Master I don’t who that was.” He petted my head and smiled “I thought maybe you would remember Old Telly from the files. I guess it’s been a bit to much to remember after the months you’ve had,” He said. My eyes went wide, months I have spent months down here! The thoughts that ran through my head I had to reach down deep to push them all back and not ruin my only moments with the man I loved. “Yes, months Hannah. This” he held up the file in his hands “has the final report from Telly in it. I was going to take sometime and stew on his thoughts, but I think I will just dive into it now…here. In front of you. Don’t you think that would be fun Hannah?” He said thought not really asked. With that he leaned back in the chair, stretched his legs out til his feet meet my lap, placed them on top dirt and all and opened the file. I just sat there trying to not drop my jaw in shock. He read slowly each page, and I could hear each page turn slowly. At one point I lowered my eyes to his shoes and he peeked over the file and tsked. “You know you are always suppose to look at me unless I tell you otherwise,” he said. “10 demerits.” I was unsure what demerits were but I knew I didn’t want more and quickly raised my eyes to meet his face again. He smiled and returned to his reading. As time passed my knees and thighs starting aching, and than became numb and tingling. I wanted to move with each passing moment and I had to dig deep to sit still. When his folder finally closed I breathed a small sigh of relief. I thought this would mean he would change positions, but he didn’t and my body and mind starting screaming at me. I had to swallow hard to concentrate on what he was saying, “It seems Telly thinks your ready for upstairs. That would me you would become domestic service instead a pit service. That would also mean your sexual activity would be less important though still a key element. This would allow you to learn how to serve all through the house in many ways. You even be allowed to speak, and could earn free time.” At the word free time I lighted up and thought of the outdoors with a good book instantly, he chuckled at what my face must have looked like. “ But you realize this is only Telly’s opinion and as you know I make my own assessment,” He paused and I instantly lowered my shoulders, “Yes that’s right your way out of here is through me. I am sure you knew that was coming somewhere in that pretty little head. So tell me how long have your legs been numb?” I was a bit thrown off by the question from right filled and my eyes shot up to meet his before I looked again at the bridge of his nose. His face smirked as if he had trapped a mouse in his snare and tried to compile what I was supposed to say. “Anytime Hannah. I am waiting for response, don’t make me wait to long,” He said impatiently. “Yes Master, umm they have been numb since about half way through your reading,” I said. “See that wasn’t so hard I will only give you 5 demerits for that delay. Now why didn’t you beg to change positions? I told you could speak so why didn’t you?” I blinked away a tear as now I could control my emotions a lot better. Slowly I started feeling the life upstairs fading from my grasp. “Be..ecause I didn’t think it was respectful to disturb you…..Master” I said with a slight crack in my voice that totally gave my emotions away. “You know how to use your mouth, you know how to beg, so don’t make excuses for not letting the Master…YOUR MASTER…” when his voice rose he stood up and leaned in close to my face, I could feel his hot breath on me. “Know what is going on in my body that I own. Do you understand?” He said through gritted teeth. I was crying than “Yes Master, I beg for your forgiveness please Master.” He leaned in so close to me than our nose were touching, my whole body wanted to lean back away from the evil that had spawn in front of me and was now crowding my personal space. It took me digging my nails into my thighs to keep me there. “FORGIVENESS? You want my forgiveness!? Why should I give you forgiveness?” He screamed back at me. I went to open my mouth to respond but before I could say anything he grabbed a hold of my hair with one hand, and just like I had seen Big John do to Isabelle months before he dragged me up the stairs. Just like Isabelle, I did nothing to heed is movement and the swiftness of each step caught my feet or back and made me whimper slightly. I had swallowed my tears by the time I reached the top. Michael tossed the file at Isabelle, who was standing in the doorway. He turned me over easily slamming my knees into the wood floor and than dragged me by my hair through the first floor. “Is this where you want to be Hannah? Is this what you think you deserve? Is this where my forgiveness lies? Tell me Hannah? What does the selfish bitch think she needs? I really want to know,” He said as we passed from the hall to the kitchen to the livingroom. He never stopped, and I did everything I could to keep up without being to dragged. He slammed me into the wood door to his office and I took in many breaths to try to lower the rage that was forming in the pit of my belly. I hit the floor as fast as I could and tried to cover my looks and body language by kissing the floor and his feet. I heard Isabelle’s feet hurry to catch up behind him and than his snap and his office door was opened. He picked me up by my hair again, his rage to massive in his face I instantly swallowed any rage I had. It was nothing compared to his and than I was airborne and landing hard on the marble titled floor. I heard Micheal say “50 demerits” to Isabelle before slamming the door in her face. He leather boots hit the floor hard as he walked to follow where I had landed. My side was aching immensely and head was bleeding. I raised my eyes to him as he came close and gathered all my strength to say “Master, please I am hurting. Please may….I….” I paused trying to catch my breath. “MAY YOU WHAT?” he screamed at me. I arched back from the fearl voice that came out “Please can I ….I beg to be allowed to tell you about where I am hurting.” He lifted his hand as if to slap me and I prepared well in advance to be tossed across the room. Than I heard his footsteps pass me, and him lift the phone “HEATHER get in here!” and he slammed it down. He kneeled right in front of me and smiled “It only took me breaking a rib for you say something?” He said calmly though the man I just saw was still evident in his eyes. “You have my forgiveness and you may stay upstairs. You will in future tell me, or one of the other owners here, when you are harm in a physical manner that needs attention. Do you understand?” He said. I started crying than “Yes Master! Yes!” I said. He kissed the top of my head and held me gently in his arms, when Heather came in she shook her head. “Can’t you teach her without breaking something?” she chuckled. “No! Isn’t that obvious.” He chuckled back. She fixed me up easily and than Michael carried me down the hall into one of the guess rooms. It had two beds, but as it was the middle of the day no one was in the other. He laid me in the bed and than Heather gave me some pills. “Take these” She said. I knew not to question and after swallowing she said to Michael “Let’s let her rest” and they slid quietly out of the room. I snuggled in the warmth of a actually bed with sheets and a comforter and soon was asleep.

All works are copyrighted and may not be copied to anywhere without authorization.

Him Part 10

2007-03-28T09:23:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly happened. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

I was startled awake by something needle like stinging my face. When I took a gasp of air I realized I was covered in ice-cold water. I shook my head a bit in complete confusion as I saw John’s massive being head straight for me. I thought he had come to cuddle me or pick me up like last night. So when he grabbed me by my hair and yanked me out of bed I was in total disbelief. “I said breakfast bitch!” he screamed as he dragged me to the grown and forced me into a kneeling position. I was confused and in such pain that I reached for his hand on my head thinking I could calm some of his anger. His hand immediately shot up and I had no preparation as it made contact with my left jaw. The pain so harsh it felt like my head would split in two, and I knew it would leave a bruise. He made few movements, one to open his pants followed by slamming my mouth over his cock before I could even catch my breath. He rammed my face down and up his engorged cock and repeated over and over “When I say breakfast you better fucking move you little whore!” I vowed there and than that I would sleep lighter, no matter what. I would hear that door open and would be up and out of bed before the person even made it to the bottom step. I repeated this to myself as he painfully fucked my face and slammed his shaft down my throat til I thought I would threw up all over him. He pulled my head back and I took a deep breath, and he slapped me full swing across my right check. I felt my lip split and the unmistakable taste of copper in my mouth. Though before I could even think his cock was back in my mouth and I tried everything to keep up with his movements. I kept thinking that if I could make him finish faster his assault would stop. My jaw started aching, my throat started drying out and burning, and the tears never stopped flowing. Just when I felt I could take no more he pulled out of my mouth and plaster his hot semen all over my face. It tasted like old fish and it stung my eyes. But he wasn’t done with me yet. He dragged me across the concrete on my knees and slammed my head into a water basin that he must have set up in advance. He splashed my face back and forth in it until I couldn’t breath and my lungs started to burn. Than and only than did he lift me out of the water. He quickly dragged me over to the middle of the room, took an end of rope and looped it assertively around my wrist, and stepped over to the wall. I saw him press a button and the rope tighten until I was lifting off the ground. When my legs were straight, and he still didn’t stop the upward climb, I click my legs with all my might. It did nothing but make his face smile again. I learned to hate that smile that day. When my toes were the only things touching the ground he released the button on the wall. I must have looked panicked because he spoke than. “Today we test your tolerance level, today I get to have my fun!” he smiled again and I knew I was in trouble. This man could do some evil things that were very painful, and I was nowhere interested in being his guinea pig. I tired womanly wiles first “Oh John, you don’t want to play with tiny little me. I am no fun, but I could be if you let me down.” I batted my eyelashes as I spoke and tipped my voice up an octave. He just laughed and the sting of the cane made contact with my bare flesh at the top of my thigh. I bit my lip hard as not to scream. John leaned in close to me than and said, “All I want to hear from you are your screams. Don’t worry you won’t be able to hold them in for to long. You will scream like a pig. Oink oink! Just to show you that whatever you say will only make me want to hurt you more, let’s test your screaming ability first.” His eyes went deep black and the haunting beast that lay beneath emerged. I was scared than, but I bit hard determined that no matter what he did I would not scream. He attached something metal to my nipples and the instant pain that shot threw me was like I had been touched with a hot poker. I tried to absorb much of the initial pain into my body, but doing so only made my cunt wet. I huffed a bit as he began tightening the metal prods on my nipples, but when he added similar clamps to my cunt lips I could have died right than and there. Though to my satisfaction no screams left my lips, but blood from the biting sipped into my mouth. He took out a little black object with two poking prods from the tip; I turned my head slightly curious as to what it was. He flicked a switch and I watch the current jump from one prod to the next. My eyes went big and he smiled wider. He set the prods on the clips between my legs and the shockwave that flowed through my body left no room for my swallowed screams. I opened my mouth and cried out to the walls that never answered. When the pain stopped and he touched my clit and toyed with it, I was sure he would gain nothing from his little pain game. He pulled his fingers from between my thighs and grazed it against my nose. I could smell my aroma on his fingers and they were covered in liquid that was glistening I blushed intensely. “Aww your blushes are even more precious. I think we are going to have lots of fun!” He said with such dripping evil I felt my stomach turn in regret and fear. The next hours spent in his clutches were a mixture of pain, fear, temptation, and confusion. When he was done I could no longer stand on my own, and there was no place on my body that was left unmarked by his wicked hand. He placed my battered body in a bath that smelled of rosemary, and kissed the top of my forehead. “You did good little kitty,” he said before leaving me. Anastasia appeared out of nowhere and she bathed me. When I could feel some of my being again she helped me back to my bed and placed a warm blanket over my body. She than helped me to take a large drink of water until I felt I would be sick. I heard her go upstairs and than I was trapped in my dreams of the day’s events…..

All works are copyrighted and may not be copied to anywhere without authorization.

Him Part 9

2007-03-27T08:41:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

I tried to move around in the small confines of the space. I had to curl my legs all the way up to my chest to turn at all. I had enough room to raise my head to full height. So when I was kneeling I reached my left arm out into what felt like cobwebs to see where the wall ended. I was consumed instantly by the feeling of crawling on my hands, I cried but continued my push for where the wall ended. I kept reaching and fell over to my left never finding the wall. I sighed and mentally tried to prepare myself to crawl the length of webs to find another end to my darkened space. I was very thankful there was no light, and could not see what I could hear crawling in a space rarely used. I took one big breath and raised my feet to the webs knocking them all down and scattering the spiders off into the dark or out under the cracks in the door. I screamed as the crawled over my thighs to escape and tried to kill them as I felt them. Once the creepy crawlies were gone I made my way to find the walls end. It took some doing, as I had to roll onto my knees and hunch my back to get in the right position. I held my right arm out as a guide and within about 10 ft I felt the walls end. I smiled at the thought of being able to stretch out. I laid my body out from the wall to the door, which I never did reach and wiggled until I was comfortable on my stomach. When my head hit my arms I fell asleep again, lost in the downward spiral of the punishment. My dreams were filled with images of the days, weeks, and months before to the love Michael and I shared. I was still high in my dreams when the door opened and poured light into my face. I blinked slowly as my vision cleared, and rolled slightly on my side to try to get a better picture at what was going on. To my surprise, the door was left open but I saw and heard no one beyond. I was truly uncertain what to do. My head was screaming, “run…go” but somewhere in the recesses of my body they were screaming, “Caution, it could be a trick”. I was so confused by the conflict that I knelt just inside the cave and thought through what could and couldn’t happen. I closed my eyes and tried to listen for other breathing, I stuck a hand half way out the entrance to see if it would be slammed with something, I even pushed the door the remainder the way open to see if I could feel a resistance or hear a movement on the other side. I was met with dead silence. The silence itself seem to have a life of its own, it was thick with precaution that it felt like weights attached to each portion of my body. I knew I could not stand in indecision forever so I finally made a choice. I kissed the ground very lightly at the entrance, and raced out of the door as fast as I could. I kept my eyes focused on the wall on the other side and did everything in my power to make it there on my hands and knees before the thickening silence enveloped me in its clutches again. I was half way to the wall when I stated feeling like I was "home fee" and I started relaxing. I was alone in the room. Other than the light just outside my cave, the rest of the room was dark as night. My shoulders released their tension, my breathing settled, and I slowed down my hurry. When I was in the final strides to what I knew was the door that lead to the basement I heard my cave door slam behind me. My whole body tensed up and I froze like a deer in the headlights. I could feel the air seeping around the door to the basement, and I screamed in my head “move” but nothing would respond. Instead my body backed up onto it’s heels and slowly turned around. I flutter my eyes to the floor and placed my small hands on my thighs. I knew this position would not let me see what was coming, but I felt I would rather not know. I smelled Heather before she reached me. The scent was unmistakable and I pushed the thought in my records for later thought or need. When her gloved hand touched my cheek so gently I jumped out of fear, she soothed me in response petting the top my head and curling the hairs at the base my scalp lovingly. “It’s ok kitten, don’t be afraid,” her voice was like liquid silk and I wanted to just fall into it like a warm blanket. It was so intoxicating that I leaned my head, without thought, into her tender touch. I could almost feel the smile rise on her face as her cheery voice said “That’s right your safe, just relax. Shhhh.” I than smelled the sweet fragrance of strawberries as it came closer and closer to my mouth. She teased it a bit across my lips before saying “Open up kitten.” I did as she commanded, and was reward with the sensuous taste of home grown strawberries. I purred loudly and nudged her hand; she placed more fruits into my mouth. Melons, grapes, pineapple, kiwi, and parts of orange were in the menu. Each piece made my stomach more longing and needing. Each moment I became more and more dependent on the next piece. When she paused I would lick her fingers, when she feed me I would purr at the taste, and when she petted me I would roll into her touch. My whole world was consumed by the moments, the whole room fell away from and my only thoughts were to make her happy to get more food. When the food stopped and no more came after licking her hand I was in a state of panic. My stomach wanted, my body needed but none were coming. I tired everything I could think of to gain a piece. I curled at her feet and rubbed my body against her thighs, I meowed until my throat was dry, I whimpered and kissed her feet repeatedly to no avail. I could smell the fruit on her plate, I knew it was there and my body begged for it. The time clicked by as I rolled on my back and arched my tummy, she chuckled but no food was forth coming. Than I heard John’s voice from behind me, “Greedy little bitch isn’t she?” I rolled over onto my knees and relaxed my body, allowing my whole being to speak my shame. Rolling my eyes and head down to my chest, tears quietly seeped into the corners of my eyes. There was no response from Heather immediately. I just sat there awaiting my punishment that I was sure was coming. “Aww John look you made her cry,” she said after awhile. That only made me cry more, and my stomach rumbled as she moved close to me. I felt John’s hand travel down my spine “She’s precious when she cries, “ was his only response. Though his fingers said a lot more as they traveled to crease of my buttocks. I felt a shiver when her soft hands touched my nipple, and I swallowed as I tried to prepare myself for what may come. She leaned in close to my ear and whispered “So precious, so tiny, so wanting, so trusting. Let me in little kitty.” I let out a slow exhale of breath through my parted lips, which suddenly felt parched. My tongue reached out to lick them wet again and her mouth moved close to mine. When our lips touched my body betrayed me and my whole being moved from one of hunger to lust. I felt the weight of John behind me as his bare hands wrapped around my hips and nestled myself inbetween his thighs. His whisperings were deeper and more demanding “Little kitty want to play? You think you deserve to play little kitty?” I didn’t know how to answer so I didn’t respond. When Heathers lips parted from mine her hands started wandering down to my breast. I could feel her nails pressing into the sides lightly, while they slide around the shape and to my nipple were the tweaked them slightly and I took in deep breath trying to anticipate. She chuckled evilly than “Don’t anticipate kitty, or you’re going to loose,” she said. I let out a deep breath and tried to relax again, not a easy task. My whole body tensed when John’s wandering fingers staring pushing against my thighs. I knew he wanted me to open but I couldn’t gain the thought process to do it. One of his hands trailed up to the base my hairline and I purred slightly when they slide there way home in my tresses. When his gripped tightened I was in such a state of panic that I tried to lift my body towards his hand to relieve the pain. In response Heather pulled on my nipples hard, John leaned close to my ear “Open up and back in position before I put you there.” Tears welled up in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks, I willed my bottom back onto my heels, which caused an immense amount of pain in my head and slowly spread my thighs. John slid his tongue over my cheek to wipe up the tears, and Heather said “Yes precious indeed”. His hands found their way into the folds of my warm pussy, and her hands continued to torment my breast. My body started warming up to the sensations, and my pussy started moistening with each passing moment. Their fingers worked my body like I was their clay. They knew were to touch, when, and how much. So when John pushed on my back and had me raise my ass in the air, I was more than ready to feel him inside me. Heather lifted her skirt in front of my head, and I immediately smelled the pungent aroma of her sex. Having enjoyed Jennifer in everyway I was not intimidated by Heather’s direction. I even reached my tongue out for her without having to be told. I could feel the tip of John’s shaft twirl around my entrance, but I was consumed in my only lust and want for Heather I lost track of what he was doing. Than when I felt like he was going to plummet into my sex, and I knew that this would bring me to orgasm, he stopped. I felt him move away from me, but was so lost in Heathers folds I really didn’t pay attention where he was going. Within moments she started slowly back away from my working tongue. I did what I felt was appropriate and followed after her slow movements. Though when she quickly stepped out of my reach I opened my eyes to see what was going on. My body was alive with the need; my heart was almost racing out of my chest. She smiled slightly and said “Beg”. She stared at me than, I opened my mouth to speak and was immediately met with a instant pain across my ass. I found out where John was quickly, “No speaking kitty!” I tried with all my might to resist the tears, so confused was I. Heather spoke than, “Kitty, Kitty, Kitty. You know you want it. Beg for me. Come on little kitty. Tell me how much you need it.” I closed my eyes and tried to remember what kitties did in heat. I arched my back and lifted my ass in the air and meowed long and wantonly. She smiled to me in response but moved no closer. I swayed close to her like a cat looking for its prey, and meowed questionably at her. She smiled and petted the floor “Kitty, Kitty, Kitty,” she said while she spread her legs slightly. I followed her movement by a deep purr from my belly and ran my tongue across my upper teeth. Each movement she rewarded me with more visualization of my goal, and each movement brought me closer. When I was right between her thighs I lowered my head and pitifully meowed for allowance. She lowered her hand to my hair and dragged me to the folds between her legs. My tongue found it’s pace and I allowed myself to be enveloped in the smell and taste of her body. When her moans echoed the wall I felt John slam into my pussy and me clamped around him. His body moved so rhythmically to my tongue that I barely heard his words reach my ear “Don’t you cum you little bitch, don’t even think about it.” I was so on the edge, and I had never tried to stop before it took all my willpower to reverse gears. His constant pounding into me did nothing to control the urge, and several times I had to stop my assault to breath and relax and try to follow his command. Each time I stopped she pulled on some part of my body, and I would than continue. It was like I was running a race I wasn’t sure if I would win. When I felt his body collapse on top of me as his cock pulsed between my legs I knew I had made it. Heather gave me one last scream before she patted my head and said, “That’s enough kitty.” I smiled and slide out kissing her feet when I went passed. John pulled out of me very slowly than and when he came into my view he was dripping with sweat and fluid from both of our bodies. He placed only his boots back on and than the two exchanged an evil smile. “Come her little kitty,” he said as he pointed to his boot. I was a bit unsure but crawled to his boot and kissed it. “Now wrap your legs around it with your clit on the tip,” he said. I followed his instructions and looked up to him when in place. “Now you may cum, and if you do in five minutes than you can sleep in a bed tonight,” he said nonchalantly. I looked up at him curiously and before it could register he said “GO!” I was in a state of panic, and it took several minutes to find the right movement and position to get my juices flowing. But when the rhythm finally hit home I had no trouble building myself up. As the time wore down he would count it off, “4 minutes, 3 minutes, 2 minutes, 1 minute you better hurry kitty” It was very distracting. Than came the 10 second count down, I was so close “10…. 9…8…7…6…5…4…3…” and before he could get to 2 I flooded his boot and clamped my legs so tight around him while the waves rolled passed me and stress of the last week rolled right out my crotch. My body collapsed than and I kissed his covered, slimy boot. I heard her chuckle “Lick it clean kitty.” My first thought was a gag, but than I just closed my eyes and did the deed that was requested. He petted the top of my head when I was through and said. “Good kitty, come let’s sleep.” They both were wrapped in robes when they led me back to the basement. A small cot with a soft mattress had been place where my cage once was. I kissed both there feet and they nodded. I raced for the bed and curled up. I was just starting to fade into dreamland when I felt three kisses touch my cheek, and heard the door close upstairs. I was than lost in my dreams…

All works are copyrighted and may not be copied to anywhere without authorization.

Pregnancy and life at 9 weeks

2007-03-26T08:47:00.000-07:00

I had a emotional break down this morning that I don't even want to start to go into. Mainly cause it's just to personal, but once all of it was released and I had a good cry I felt so much better. So maybe I just needed to get the emotions out, these hormones are so funky. I can still barely eat any meat. I cooked a brisket in the oven last night. Cooked it for 5 hours and than had to eat in small portions over time to even get the heavenly food down without coming back up. *Sigh* Other than that nothing really going on. Bitty is still not sleeping though the night. Master's uncle passed away on Friday and there is some bad blood between the brothers. Causing Master to be stressed out unnecessarily. My job is going still, I am little nervous about maternity leave because they may hire a temp and that makes my hair stand on end. Money is super tighter here, and my mom had a nervous break down this weekend. I had to calm her down from miles away. Life is just a bowl of cherries!

We have a easter egg hunt on Saturday, a birthday party on Sunday. And something that Master wants to do on Saturday that I don't remember. My week is going to be filled with overtime and tiredness. I have a bed full of clothes to put up and dishes to wash at home. Life is just blah.

Hana
~Robert's little flower~

This was interesting

2007-03-22T13:47:00.000-07:00

Check this out

Him Part 8

2007-03-16T14:22:00.000-07:00

I have had a better day today, and things are starting to look up so here you go. Part 8...I have not checked it over for spelling so you'll just have to deal.

Have a good weekend..

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

As my sobs turn into hiccups I started settling again. I whispered than across to Isabelle “I am so sorry” I said. She shook her head and pointed up; at first I couldn’t see what she was pointing to. I had to look very hard and let my eyes adjust before I noticed the camera. My eyes went wide than and I retract back to the corner of the cage. A moment later the door opened again, large footsteps came down the stairs. I moved closer hoping it was Michael, but it wasn’t. It was a man I scarcely remember from the party. Through threw look at his files he was called John, Big John. He came from a background of body building and bouncing at nightclubs. Michael had trained him to be one of his initial trainers to new meat. He turned his brown eyes to me, and his tan skin seemed to make his body more massive. He set a bottle of water, hamster cage like, in between the rails. I was confused and said so “Ummm? This…what is this.” I said. He didn’t respond but simply smiled brightly, his white teeth showed deeply and than he walked over to the wall and pressed a button. I was confused again, and tilted my head at his laughing face. I inched closer to try to figure out what was so funny and felt the cage start to rise off the floor. My heart started reading panic, but my mind just didn’t catch up with what was about to happen. When the cage was half his height off the ground he reached for what looked like a stick on the wall. The cage swung a little as I followed his movement closer and closer to me. Though nothing in my brain registered. I saw Isbabelle cover her eyes as he stood right next to my cage. Than everything went in slow motion, his mouth moved like in a cartoon and the words came out very slowly “You ….will…not…speak…unless…..spoken…to” With the last word he touched the stick to one the bars and shot a electric current through the me. It wasn’t very harsh almost like when shocked after rubbing your feet on the carpet. Though I thought about telling him as such, I simply nodded and looked pitiful. Hoping that by doing such it would not betray me that it really didn’t hurt. He simply smiled that laughing smile again turned a dial on the bottom of the stick and touched it to the metal again. I screamed as the shock wave went through me and when I could focus again I saw Isabella out of the corner of my eye kissing the bars in a kneeling down position. I hesitated but than followed, and he backed off. She must have not seen him turn because she was still in that position when he made circle to go back upstairs. He simply unlocked her cage, dragged her out by the hair, and up the stairs without even a second thought to her screams and crying. They left the door open and I could hear the mumbling of Michael’s voice. I moved closer to the edge to try to hear more and rocked my cage with a creak. The voice’s stopped and Big John came back down. He tsked at me and said “Noisy girls don’t get dessert.” With that he lowered me back to the ground, set some diapers next to the cage and back up the stairs he went. I was than left in darkness again, and alone. Sometime passed and I slept most of it away. When I awoken I banged my head on the top of the cage, by now I was parched. I pressed the end of the water bottle to see if it worked like I had thought. Sure enough in order to drink I would have to sink my head down and suck on it with a nibbling effect to get the water to pour. I sighed and paced as much as I could in the cage, trying to weigh what I could submit to for water. I struggled with all that has happened to this point, and remember my promise to Michael. I sighed and again and with one big whoosh of courage I leaned down and suck on the bottle. I drank it half way gone before I realized and immediately regretted it. As time rolled by my bladder betrayed me, and I cried deeply when I reached for the diaper inbetween the bars. I crawled as far away from the camera as I could and relieved myself tears and all. Once the diaper was placed, rolled up, outside the bars the door opened again. This time light feet grazed the steps, I would soon tune my senses to each persons walk. But for now I was on my own until they came around the corner. It wasn’t Isabella it was another one of the girls of the house. Big John’s favorite, Anastasia, she curtsied in front of the cage and I just stared at her. When she did it a second time I thought maybe it was a greeting, but I had no idea what the greeting back was. She stuck a cane like stick in the cage and pushed the top of my head down to the floor. I allowed her without much resistance. Than she curtsied again, and I lowered my head her response so child like I could not resist the laughter that followed. She bounced slightly and clapped with glee, as if teaching her puppy a new trick. My laughter was not followed to her liking though and she swatted my hands with the cane. I had made the mistake of setting them just outside the bar, something I never did again. I whimpered in respond and she pouted. She than took a leash off the wall and open the cage door. I was in shock to say the least and set my hand almost immediately out the door. The cane came down so rapidly I had not time to react. My hand came back throbbing. She tapped the edge of the can to spot just outside the door and than my head. I caught on quick after that and was leashed and waiting with baited breath to be let outside. Anywhere but in the basement! She did lead me to another room, but it was still in the basement. A gym of sorts but all the equipment was dog based. Running tunnels, running hills, and the likes. All her reactions than started to click, I was her puppy. As the thought sunk in I sat back on my heels trying to figure out what I had gotten myself into. I never realized that the doctor, Heather was her name, was standing the corner with Big John. Of course, as my eyes meet their figures I never noticed the tug on the leash and even backed up. Heather laughed so deeply than, and as Anastasia went to punish me she shook her head. “No dear, I think I will have this one.” I knew not to speak but whimpered deeply and was crying before she even made the strides across the room. My fear of this woman so immense I wanted nowhere near her, and she played off of it. She took her scarf from around her neck and blind folded me. I heard the air move through the air before I could register the sound the sting on my right cheek exploded. I, on instinct, went to touch were it burned and heard Big John’s tsking from across the room. I lowered it faster than the cane could touch but it did find it’s home on one of my breast. I shrieked than, and dug my fingers in the foam ground beneath me. I took in one long breath and vowed to show her no more. I sucked in my chest lifted my neck and arched my back. I though it looked regal though her response told me otherwise. “Oh look Johnny she thinks she can out will me” He just chuckled and I told in a breath as I heard the next whish of air. The impact was more than I thought it would be with my check and it set me off balance. But I simply placed myself back and waited. She simply tugged on my leash than and had me half crawling half running across the mats after her. “You know I am queen Bitch around here, and I know you are going to regret your little defiant stance. But first I am going to make you suffer.” I felt the ground go up and down beneath before she stops me over a bump. I felt her force my head down and than the sound of clicking. When she released the pressure I realized I was now clipped by my leash into something and could not raise my head. I let out a long breath than and tried to relax “Oh now you want to relax, to late little kitten” she said. I closed my eyes and felt the stings come in rapid succession across my body until it was afire. When the stings stomped for a long pause I tried to mentally work out what I was to do. I smelled her boots in front of me and tried to reach out to them. But they were to far off, I whimpered and tried to visualize what she was doing by the sounds I could hear. It took sometime before I realize that my hands were free. I slowly curled myself up into a ball, the pain was intense with each movement and breath, and moved my arms in front of my face as if cowering. Finally I placed my head as far into the bend of my elbows that my leash would allow, and whimpered. It must have been correct because she said “45”, and than slowly removed my blindfold. I could see multiple feet than. Big John was wearing leather boots, Anastasia was bare foot next to him, Heather was directly in front of me in slippers ( I assume to not ruin the floor with her heels), a small pair of knees bruised badly I assumed was Isabella slight back from the crowd, and than my eyes met Michael’s alligator boots at the edge of the mats before they turned to walk away. I whimpered so loud than, trying to move after him with all my might. To no avail, and as the door closed behind him I heard the familiar tsking noise of Big John. I felt I could take no more so I turned and growled in response. I would have bit him if I weren’t attached to the ground. Big John unhooked me so fast and spun me around; he opened a small door and shoved me in it. I heard it lock and I was enveloped in dust and darkness…alone again…

All works are copyrighted and may not be copied to anywhere without authorization.

The week from hell

2007-03-16T07:13:00.001-07:00

So Master was suppose to come pick me up from work last night because I was working really late. He said he came through the front door of our building and up to my office. When my desk was empty he though I took the bus and never checked around back. I waited a hour before I called and was completely devastated that when I pick him up I search everywhere and when he gets me he just doesn't really look. He apologized immensely. So it got my head all rolling around this baby thing, and now I am in a complete slump. Maybe I was totally selfish about wanting another baby. I mean after 2 years we had finally got in a comfortable financial place and now to add another baby is like financial melt down all over. We have to pull Bitty out of her private school that we waited two years to get her in, and we have to cut back on extra activities. It's going to be really tight and it just pains me. Master says that I will have my avon going, cross my fingers, and than it won't be a big deal. I just keep getting frustrated over the ever increasing balance of charge backs that no one is doing anything about. So I am stuck felling like I will never get avon paid off. SIGH. That's not the case but still I feel that way. On top of all that, my kitty got left outside in the rain last night. Because I was just plum tired and went to bed almost as soon as I walked in the door. Master had to air out the kitchen cause the stove is still smoking from the steak fiasco last weekend..and I just feel plain run down.

That's all.

Hana

The weekend from hell

2007-03-12T09:19:00.001-07:00

So I have had the weekend from hell I think. I was exhausted and suppose to rest which really didn't happen. Mainly because Master has no idea how to watch the kids and take care of the house, so everything either looks like it has never been cleaned or smells like it. Ebay people took a back seat due to the problems last week and they have been up my ass non-stop. I finally got about 3/4 of that shit out the door today. WHOO HOO!!!

So my weekend went to hell when after cleaning, grocery shopping, baby watching, pool blowing up, swing pushing, and box assembling weekend I vegged out on the bed about dinner time Sunday night. Master decided to broil the steaks for dinner in the over...BIG MISTAKE and hence covered the house in smoke. So he had to open the doors up, mind you when I open the doors I always put the gate in the front door. Well after the alarm screaming at me like 6 times I went down the hall to see what the heck was going on. I helped Master air the house out, took my dinner plate and back down the hall I went. I could hear the door open and close, which isn't unusual in our house especially when we have the Carpooler R over. Anyway, about 30 min later I come down the hall for TP because there is none in the bathroom. Master says "Baby I need to tell you something" I am in big need to pee so I motion for him to follow. He does and while I'm peeing he goes into a story of how our 2 yr old opened and closed the front door, was in the yard yelling, and he never noticed. Our neighbors, who had kids outside, sent their son over to knock on our door and let us know she was out there. TO say I was livid is a understatement. I mean FUCK....I know you have memory issues, I know you get distracted easily. BUT FUCK! It's a child! At least know where she is at all times, or put something in her way to avoid it. DAMN! Supposedly when he shut the front door he didnt shut it all the way, SUPRISE SURPRISE!, and so she could open it easily and than closed it as well just as easily. I mean our door makes lots of noise opening and closing. I was so fumming it took me all night to get over and it still erks me. I do absolutely everything to ensure the girls safety. I double check locks and windows. I am ALWAYS outside with them, and watch V walk to the neighbors house.AND she has to call when she is on the way back so I can watch than. V has riding bike restrictions. I know I am panicky. But they are girls, and they are both blond and blue eyed. AND DAMN! I through at him that if he can't take care of two how does he expect to watch three? His response was he didn't have to tell me what happened, I would have not been the wiser. That's true, but as they say it all comes out in the wash and things like that have a way of find their way out. I would have been more pissed if I found out that he hid it. I am not as mad now. But truly its fustrating.

He doesn't lock doors because he grew up in little Desoto, KS were nothing happened. He doesn't even check them before he goes to bed. He doesn't look in on the girls once they are asleep. All of this I have accepted and just done, as womenly things. I know it is a honest mistake. His defense was that he was at the dinning room table eating dinner. That he couldn't see the front door from were he was. So new rule! You must lock all doors at all times..period.

I am not as mad now as I was but it just burned me. I just keep thinking of what could have happened.....

Hana

2007-03-08T05:53:00.001-08:00

So the big story here in Texas is this one:

http://www.nbc5i.com/news/11160410/detail.html

It doesn't say it hear but one news station they said the mother was home at the time. Her comment "I was asleep and didn't know what was going on". How can you not smell a blunt being smoked in your house? My ex smoked like it was going out of style, we had a two bedroom and you could smell it every corner of every inch of space. And of course the grandma wants the babies back! I hope she doesn't get them.

http://www.nbc5i.com/news/11168978/detail.html

I think there must be something in the water in Texas. Cause Texas Mother's seem to loose it. That's why I don't drink the water here.

I am sure you remember the women her drowned all 5 of her children, Andrea Yates was her name:

http://www.crimelibrary.com/notorious_murders/women/andrea_yates/index.html

And than the women who sliced the necks of her own boys, Darlie Rotier. She of course still claims innocence.

http://www.crimelibrary.com/notorious_murders/women/routier/3.html

http://www.fordarlieroutier.org/

Than Deanna Laney, who stoned her sons to death:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,115519,00.html

Than Lisa Diaz, and her husband who was so irrate he could have killed her.

http://www.dallasobserver.com/2005-01-20/news/psycho-mom/

And than Dena Schlosser, who severed the arms of her infant:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6561617/

And than the babysitter who killed the baby:

http://newsofdoom.com/2006/09/27/trapped-in-the-closet/

And foster parents aren't any better:

http://www.parentsbehavingbadly.com/tag/child-endangerment

This lady not only killed the sweet boy, but burned him to.

This girl was repeatly returned to a abusive home before she died:

http://www.hope4kidz.org/news/texas/TX_01142007.html

Katherine Frances was body slammed in foster care:

http://www.hope4kidz.org/news/texas/TX_01312007_KF.html

I could go on and on about this tragedies...but I want everyone to know their names. That they were young, and they needed help and no one was there.

Hana
~Robert's little flower

Tags: news

Preggers at 6 weeks

2007-03-08T05:52:00.001-08:00

Last night we went to super salad. So Fun! I ate lots! The Bitty Danced in the seat to the music and V rolled her eyes. They took fries and chicken nuggets out of the line, but the Bitty didn't seem to notice. THANK GOD! Most the shows on tv were reruns so no luck there, my insurance at my work sucks so I will be switching back to Master's in July! It's more expensive but at least I can get the real meds instead of the generic crap, and I don't have to pay 10% of all the shit I have done. IT so sucks. Master wants me to find out if I can get my breast pump on my health reimbursement plan,so I have to call and find out at some point. I also have to figure a way to get invited to this lunch at my favorite Italian place tomorrow. The guys are going there for a "special" lunch meeting. WHATEVER!

I have to have this initial appt with my OB's nurse on Monday. It's kinda silly since I have already had two children and one with this doctor that I have to have a appt with her so that she can hug me and give me forms to fill out for registration so I can get coupons and stuff. What a waste of $20 dollars.

That's about it on the baby front. When I don't feel so much like I am going to puke I will write some more of my "Him" story. But just not feeling it right now.

Hana
~Robert's little flower~

Tags: pregnancy

It's official

2007-03-06T09:27:00.001-08:00

I'm pregnant. I am deeply happy, but it is very exhausting and I feel like I am puking or feeling nauseous all the time. This baby only wants rabbit food which is just BLAH for me! I have tried to eat any kind of meat and I instantly feel sick. I barely got down fired potatos last night. Six weeks along, and six more weeks of feeling this way.

Bitty had her CT yesterday Master brought her by afterwards and than I went home.

I just want to sleep and eat carrots. I must be a rabbit

Hana
~Robert's little flower~

NEW Group

2007-03-01T10:10:00.001-08:00

This group is to allow friends, Masters, Mistresses, and slaves alike to bring out their creative side. These stories are all fictional based, and for the pure enjoyment of the readers and writers of this group. It is of adult context, so if you are not at least the age of 18 please see yourself out of this group. Each story will begin with a setting post; from there you have the freedom to write whatever you wish. As long as it is in the context of the story and it is not stepping on anyone toes. Master Robert and slave hana extend to you to let your imagination run wild.

anyone wanting to join go to:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Eroticeheartdiscovery/

exhaustion

2007-02-28T11:10:00.001-08:00

So I am completely dead to the world. I go to sleep at 9:30 pm and wake at 3:30, 4:30, and 6 am for the Bitty. Than up at 6:30 and out the door by 7 am. By the time 2 pm comes along I am ready to crash. I feel like a beached whale that has eaten the whole ocean. My stomach is already pressing all my skirts to their limits, and I am either hungry and nauseous or full and tired. Master and I haven't had sex in a week or something because of his cold, and I have just been so tired.

We pass in the hall and go "was that good for you?"

I come home exhausted, and have to do my daily activities (cooking, cleaning, baths, stories, tv recording, my bath, bed) and so I get even more exhausted. I plain on sleeping all day Saturday if it kills me.

Thats it for now,

Hana

Him Part 7

2007-02-27T08:14:00.001-08:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

“I..I..I “ was all that came out finally. He tossed my naked body on the bed and when I looked into his glazed over eyes my recessed thought of staying rebelled. I crawled across the bed as quickly as I could muster, while he casually leaned over and grabbed me by my ankle. “Where do you think your going Bitch?” He asked and said at the same time. I lost all nerve, and started shaking my head. “No Michael…Please.” I whimpered to him. This only seemed to entice him more as he grabbed some restraints from his bedside table. I twisted violently away from him, using all my force in my legs to hurl myself opposite of his grip. He easily laid his body on mine and pushed it in the direct of the eye bolts in his headboard. He pinned my pelvis down with his and held my wrist together. Applying one cuff to each small wrist at a time and than snapping them into the bolts. When he let his weight go off my torso I lifted my leg in aim for any part of his body with all my force. He simply smiled and step out of the line of fire. He leaned in with his arm and grabbed one kicking leg. Bending it at the knee he tied it down to the bed frame. I was exhausted but never did I give up, the fury so harsh inside me was being fueled each second. I screamed at him and called him names, he just ignored me while binding my last leg to the bed. He leaned in close to my ear and I turned and bit him in the cheek. He slapped me hard than, my face slamming into the mattress beneath me. A tear welled up in my eye, but I tired to hold it back not wanting to give him the satisfaction. He just chuckled evilly at my desperate attempt. “So let me see if I got this straight cunt. You strip, come into my room, remove my slave from her duties, and kneel as if you were her. Than you think in your little mind that if you can just get me to fuck you than I will forget all about my needs and you will have me tied to you like some lost pup? Well, I am gonna fuck you alright, I am going to take you so hard you are going to regret coming into this room. When I am done you will be unrecognizable as the person before you entered into my domain.” I stared at him with all my fury and opened my mouth to his venomous being. “You bastard, I will never love you again. I will leave you and never return if you do this. Untie me. This is not what I came for!” I yelled at him through clenched teeth. “Oh my dear your cunt thinks different. It’s pulsing at me to take you now, even as I speak it starts to drip. Did it ooze a bit when you concocted this plan? Did it make you wiggle in your bed last night?” He whispered all these things closer and closer to my face with easy tones. I locked eyes with him, and through them pleaded with him not to do this. He started removing his bed clothing, pulling his cotton t-shirt over his head. He stood staring at me in just his boxers and my eyes could not resist trailing down his well-defined chest and abs, lowering until I saw his engorged and straining cock against the fabric of his boxers. He laughed deeply than, “You can’t resist can you? You are such a whore, and whores deserve all they are about to get.” I refused to cry or beg, I just locked eyes with him as he removed his boxers from his body. I told myself he wouldn’t do it, that he was playing mind games. I waited for what seemed like hours in silence as he stood over me. When he placed his body between my legs I knew I was in trouble. I pulled against the binds than trying to slam my legs closed. The rope dug into my thighs as I stretched them tighter and tighter. He said nothing and slid inbetween my straining thighs easily, like melting butter. I closed my eyes as I felt the tip of his cock against my pussy and than he slammed into me so harshly I lost all the breath I had been holding. I braced myself for the next brutal force but it never came, he just sat there so I slowly opened my eyes. He was looking down at me as if waiting for something. When he leaned down towards my head again as if to kiss me I spit on his face. He simply ignored it and pulled my nipple in response. Turning it so abruptly and at such an odd angle I had to arch my back to elevate to the pressure. The pain was intense and he didn’t let up when he asked “Is this what you wanted you little cunt?” My body could take no more, and the tears did finally come. I cried until I was sobbing, and sobbed until I could no longer see in front of me. He held on the whole time waiting again. When I finally got control of myself I found my voice. “No Michael this is not what I wanted. I felt I was being selfish and wanted to try to give you what you needed. I had hope in coming in here that you would accept me, train me, and that I could make you totally completely. I felt our love could bring me through it, but now I know I was wrong. I can’t do this.” I sobbed again and each tear seemed like such a relief of stress. I felt the pain ease on my nipple and he smiled down at me. He raised his hand and I flinched, “Shhhhh dear girl. It’s alright, you did well. I am going to accept your offer, but you must know that you have to gain my side as top. That you must start at the bottom and work up. Do you truly understand the depths of what you are asking for?” I nodded and swallowed “I love you, please let me complete you in all ways.” He smiled like the sweet man I knew and kissed me, before his face changed again and the beast was back. “Now bitch, you are mine.” He placed his hand over my mouth just as I let out a terrifying scream and he plummeted into my quivering being with such brutal force I thought he would rip me open. When I was spent, and I felt him cum inside me I relaxed thinking the worse was over. He reached into his drawer again and I heard a swish and felt the sting as the leather grazed my body. The pain took moments to feel but when it did I cried all anew. I begged him to stop with each lash, and whimpered and twisted as much as I could. Which each strike I thought I would die, and with each breath I begged for it to end. He undid my legs than and forcefully turned me over, his voice strong constantly flowing into my ear. Words so haunting I fear there very repeated breath. The cold of the cream on my anus was so unexpected, but as I was worn out I sunk into the resolve of doing nothing but getting through it. He used me repeatedly over the next few hours, day turned into night and night to day. I was worn out to my very core and finally was overcomed with sleep while he made motions with his belt across my ass. The next thing I new I felt cold sting my body, and opened my eyes to him pulling me out from under a freezing tube of ice water. “Wake up Bitch, I’m not done with you.” He dragged me out of tub and fed me some water. I felt numb, and once again the darkness enveloped me. I awoke a second time not in his room but in the cold dampness of the basement. I felt metal beneath and every stitch of my body was sore. I raised my head to the feeling of metal above, when I stretched out my hands and feet I realized that I was in a cage. I kneeled as best I could on sore knees, and waited. At first I told myself he would be coming soon. Than I told myself that I would be fine. Next, I panicked and thought he would never come back but leave me here to die. Before finally convincing myself that something had happened to him or he had forgotten about me. That is when the door open and I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. The light from the house above slightly showed into the space I dwelled in, and across from me I saw another body in another cage. My eyes opened wide when I realized it was Isabelle in the cage. But before I could speak her voice touched my ears….”Well hello again,” She said nonchalantly. My eyes trailed up her form, and I prayed with each passing second the voice did not match the face. When my eyes met the doctor from the party I shoveled back against the back of the cage and curled up into a ball. “Ahh poor lost soul. Come close little kitty, you know you want to play.” I dropped my jaw to say something but met Isabelle’s eyes than, as if she was pleading with me. I closed my mouth tight and simply stared at her. “You’ll want nothing but my touch soon little kitty, you’ll beg for it,” She laughed wickedly as she left, leaving us in utter darkness again. That is when I cried.

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A real day

2007-02-27T07:18:00.000-08:00

Well I remember now what I hated about pregnancy. It isn't the back pain, or feet swelling. It's the damn yeast infections. I think my pussy puts out a sign upon entrance of a baby into the womb. It clearly reads "Infections welcome" cause this sucks. Master is in a bitch of a mood, he didn't want to get out of bad and than whined and grumbled all morning before finally sitting on the floor in exhaustion when bitty threw a fit about zipping up her jacket. I said "Just leave it, if she is going to throw that big of fit forget it. It's not worth it" and he said "yes ma'am" and slammed down the hall turned lights off. I was in such a mood I just grabbed the girls and got in the car.

Bitty whined and screamed the whole way, V turned up her headphones so loud I could hear each word of the song over the scream. I had such a headache and Master practically ran from the car.

So that was my morning...how was yours?

Hana
~Robert's little flower~

Him Part 6

2007-02-26T10:52:00.001-08:00

For all who have been on pins and needles...

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

The next few days were spent like that, in a dream mostly it seemed. He was the picture perfect man, waiting on me hand and foot. When he gave me a bath and I splashed him he laughed and I laughed in return. Our happiness overflowed the huge house. He would chase me around the dinning room table in the afternoon with the sun playing on my hair, and me wearing barely anything. I felt like a schoolgirl again and life was sweet. His tastes was eccentric, but I didn’t care as long as I was with him. I didn’t know it at the time, but he was forming me slowly into the love of his life that he always wanted. When he wanted something done a certain way he never pushed, but would nudge kindly towards what he wanted. Making me feel happy and floating when I accomplished what he wanted and his face light up with the happiness of figuring it out. He took me shopping, after three weeks of being home I wanted out, he held my hand the whole time and even went in the lingerie shops with me. He wanted me to show him everything, and I didn’t want to buy anything he didn’t absolutely love. He had only eyes for me in those first few weeks, and I for him. The night my world change, 6 months later, I would never be able to look back. Though I didn’t know it at the time.

We were sitting across the long table at dinner, he one side me to his left. I was enjoying the food and hmming like always at the exquisite taste. He had already talked to me about wanting to stay permanently with him, and had made arrangements with my apartment, belongs, and job. That’s when Isabella walked in, my eyes followed her naked form with such hatred I had to curl my nails into the napkin in my lap. When she came and kneeled, curling up at his feet, and purred. My response was anything but nice. I growled lowly subconsciously and turned my eyes to her. She backed up slightly and he reached down and scooted her back petting her head. I turned my angry eyes to him, and he just smiled back. Though over the months I had learned that Michael liked to be spoken to a certain way, even in conflict. It took all my willpower not to scurry down to the girl and drag her out by her hair. Instead I locked eyes with Michael, and we stared like that unmoving for a very long time. Until he spoke “Hannah, this is Isabelle. My slave. I do love you greatly, Hannah. But my life calls for a slaves as well. I understand that this may not be something you’ll ever do yourself, but I will always have a slave. To be with me you must accept this.” I knew by now what slaves were, I spent many nights reading his books and files on the people in the house. We had talked at length about his desires and needs. I had expressed that I could try to overcome my jealousy, but I had never thought they would be here in front of me flaunting themselves. He said no more and continued eating, on occasion handing Isabelle food from his hand. My mind went in 10 different directions. I knew what he wanted, what his deepest desire was, and I knew somewhere in my head that I wanted to be the ultimate love and gift of that desire. The minutes passed in silence, and when I left the table I spent most of the evening trying to sort my mind out. I reached one conclusion that night. If I wanted to rule his world, and remove them as first light without me having any say, I had to become the top in all things to him. I had to be his lover, his perfect slave, his deepest companion, and his best friend. In the short time I had conspired a plan to prove to him that I could fulfill him. I would put my plan into action the next morning. I went to sleep, and awoke for the first time in months to an alarm clock. I raced into the tub, and soaked in Michael’s favorite oils. The mixture of lavender and jasmine filled the room and every inch of my body. I let my long auburn hair cascade down my back, while braiding it up the sides of my head and down the middle. I placed the bracelet he gave me on the anniversary of our meeting on my ankle. Took one last look in the mirror and open the door into my bedroom. It was still an hour before anyone in the house started stirring. I hesitated at the door to the hall and took in a deep breath. My bare feet made no noise on the polished hardwood floors. I sneaked down the stairs and into the kitchen. I made his favorite breakfast in nothing but an apron. So when cook came in to see that I had breakfast she just stared at me. I nodded to her, plate in hand, and left her confused. I went upstairs to his room, after grabbing a few necessities and was stopped by Isabelle on her way to his room herself. I set down the tray in hand and whistled to her, she turned. Her eyes grazed over me, and I stared her down. I stepped so close to her I could feel her breath and to my surprise stood over her at least three inches. “Isabelle, Master Michael is taken care of this morning. Please go do your other duties. I will tend to him,” I said. She looked at me with a mixture of emotions, one of which I recognized as fear. “You will not get in trouble, but you will if you don’t go now.” She swallowed nodded and left. I let out a deep sigh of relief and grabbed my things from the floor. I crept into his room and laid his food on the tray next to his bed. I than turned my back to him, in the place that Isabelle would kneel every morning, and waited for him to stir. The ticks of the hand seemed to move so slowly, before the first sounds of his awaking body. He had trained himself to get up every morning at the same time without an alarm. I could hear him sit up, and swing his feet over the edge of the bed. I heard him smell the food, and than urinate in the bathroom. I heard his footsteps return to the bed, and the tray slide close to him. I heard him take a few sips of coffee and him open the newspaper for the morning. All this was done without saying one word to me. About half way through his breakfast I started regretting what I had done and almost changed my mind. When he pushed the tray away and the bed creaked. He took in a long deep breath, it sounded odd almost disappointed and than he spoke. “Did you forget your routine this morning Isabelle” I realized than that because of the way he preferred his room, dark as night, that he didn’t know it was me. I wasn’t sure what to do. If I spoke he would know, if I didn’t he may react before he knows and than would be upset about me not telling. I swallowed trying to consider my options, and before I could complete the thought he had a hold of my hair and was dragging me up to his face by it. I screamed, and he knew than. Our eyes met and he raised an eyebrow, he growled in my face and said “Explain yourself” I lost all thoughts than and could say nothing but stare at the man I never knew existed. Did I make a terrible mistake…….

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Today

2007-02-24T16:56:00.000-08:00

Isn't much going on today, still no period and Master is way sick. The doc says its the flu, but Master doesnt believe him. So he is grumpy. I tried to go sign people up for avon today at the local walmart. I was in the middle of a very windy day, when someone wanted to sign up. I got her settled and just as I finishing I hear the words I so didnt want to. "Isn't that your table blowing away?" I turn around to see my metal and plastic heavy table (at least five pounds) With boxes of books (at least 15 lbs each) sliding across the parking lot like rudolph and his sleigh. SO I go running after it (in my new sandles of all things). AND destroy my sandals grabbed the table. Toss everything in the car while destroying my sign...walk back over to the lady with a "THat just didnt happen face" and finish the business. It sounds funny now, but at the time I thought I was in hell. She drives off and home I went. OF COURSE when i get home, the wind stops and sun comes out. Stupid bitch.

So on another note I started a slave list, it's going well I think. One of the girls is ridiculous and over questionable. But I put her in her place and am done with it.

What else...oh it looks like a no on the overnight stay for our anniversary. Our sitter got in a car crash and is out for the count. Alive but really hurting, Which reminds me I need to call him.

Now off to change a poopy diaper

Hana

A real post

2007-02-21T07:22:00.001-08:00

I guess I should write a real post today instead of just my rambling story that no one reads. I am official two weeks late, I have taken two test with both being negative. I wish I just knew one way or the other. Master wanted to have sex last night, but I had already bathed and was in bed. So instead I just sucked him off. I was so tired I just don't remember anything but the pain in my jaw. The bits is at Papa's today, because she was running a fever yesterday. I hope she does ok there, I always worry you know.

There is nothing on tv tonight so maybe my avon will come tonight and I can get that over and done with!

I hope it is warm this weekend so I can go avon tailgating and make some new customers and maybe new recruits. Keep your fingers crossed.

What else....

My collaring anniversary came and past, no one really bothered to say something about it. Our wedding anniversary is in March, I am hoping to stay overnight in a hotel and order room service without children. Keep your fingers crossed.

Thats about it..

Hana
~Robert's little flower~

Him Part 5

2007-02-19T07:24:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has ever truly happened. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath as I heard her steps come closer and closer to me. My mind struggled with my fight or flight syndrome, while I tired to relax me body. I smelled rich jasmine as she became close behind me. The silk of her dress sent a shiver down my spine as it grazed my naked back. I could feel her smile, even though I couldn’t see it. She placed a bag against my stomach and it was cold, and I made sure I mentioned it. She lightly swatted my bottom and said don’t complain I could stick cold things in places you wouldn’t enjoy. I bit my lip than, being in such a precarious position left me unable to retaliate. She took a stethoscope out and listened to me breath, while I was told to breath in deeper or shorter as she moved it around. Her touch was so gentle and tantalizing I was so confused with the moment. Though when she did reach the tender space between my third and fourth rib I yelled and whimpered with the pain. She lightly touched my cheek and cooed in my ear. I relaxed than, and unknowingly let my guard down. “It’s ok dear, just relax.” She turned to Michael and told him I was only bruised and would need to be careful and rest. Than she placed a sweet kiss on my cheek and petted my head. Somewhere inside me purred, and Michael reached for my covers and laid them over me. “I am just going to walk her out, close your eyes.” He said. I did without much thought that I hated him. They whispered in low tones, as my bruised body made me succumb to sleep. I have no idea how long I was enveloped in the darkness of my dreams, but when I awoke the sun was shinning in the window. I turned slowly, concerned about the soreness, to find I was stiff but mostly healed. When I heard another body breathing I pulled the covers over me tightly and turned to the sound. A girl was sitting a rocking chair with a bottle and a bowl on the low table to next to her. She had such a beautiful smile I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. “Hello Hannah, now don’t be startled. My name is Isabelle, Master Michael asked me to stay with you until you awoke.” She said. “Master??? Who? Please don’t confuse me anymore I will get a headache. How long have I been asleep?” I asked. “Two days.” She responded casually as if telling me about the weather. “TWO DAYS!!!??? Oh my gosh I have to get out of here.” I stated putting on clothes and packing my things. “Calm down, it’s ok. You need your rest” she stood than with her hands out, but stepping backwards each second. I looked at her curiously “Did everyone leave? Where …is…Jennifer?” I was so angry I was starting to see spots. She leaned against the wall like I was a animal about to attack its prey. A few moments later I heard running steps up the stairs, and turned all my fury to her. “Did you call them?” She started turning white, and I growled deep from my stomach. “You bitch! Get out!” I said just as the door slammed open and Michael and some men were on the other side. The girl ran out behind them crying and fearful. I must have looked like a bull with smoke pouring out of her nostrils because he stood in a defensive stance in the doorway upon her leaving. “Hannah take a breath, it’s ok. You need rest. Just sit down and we can talk it out.” He said. I than noticed the men behind him all had either leather around their necks or rope in their hands. I backed up than, and swallowed. “Michael just let me be, why….” I started to say but Michael cut me off. “No one is going to hurt you sweetheart, but you hurt one of my guys while you were dreaming the first night when he tried to put some healing lotion on your side. I couldn’t let that happen again, so we put you under. Now take some deep breaths.” I tried but I was starting to hyperventilate. “Hannah you need to calm down, look at my eyes, follow my voice. In and out, In and out.” His voice was hypnotic, my eyes started feeling heavy again and my body started relaxing. I could hear him move closer but it’s as if I just didn’t care. All the tension started fading away slowly, and as my eyes closed I heard and saw what I did to Julio. When the cold water touched my head I jumped and was awake again, he was leaning over me with a smile. “There see isn’t that better?” He said calmly. I nodded with a smile. “I’m sorry I hurt him Michael.” I said. He shook his head, “The pain killers Joanna gave you caused a bad reaction. It caused your emotions to double, and that is why when it happened I put you under. I know it was against what you wanted, but I felt it was for your own good. Besides you needed the rest” I could feel his breathing over me, my body snuggled in his arms while he rocked in the chair. His body seemed so comforting that I leaned my head into the cusp of his shoulder and turned my eyes up to him. He looked down into my eyes than and smiled, but he didn’t turn away. My belly grew with heat so hot that I almost lost my breath, his head moved in closer and just when I thought I could take no more our lips met. The heat transferred from me to him, and back again. I had never felt anything so heavenly in my life. When our lips parted he was still smiling, “Now, that was nice.” He said. I nodded and snuggled back into him. My mind wondering where this new man would lead me, and just as the sound of his men leaving hit my ears I knew no matter what I was safe and happy.

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Choices and Slave Group

2007-02-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

I finally was allowed to get my slave group up and running. WOO HOO! Let's keep our fingers crossed it goes well. Master and I have been exhausted the last few days from staying up so late.

I was so tired last night when he wanted his valentine's lay that I begged for a quicky. He immediately obliged by having me bend over the bed and him slamming my ass 'til it was purple with a elk flogger. WHAT THE FUCK?! Elk is suppose to be soft and sting!! LIARS! My ass is still red. He is happy with his handy work, OF COURSE, and when he reached between my legs and said "Oh but your pussy likes it" all I could do was blush. DAMN HIM!

Tonight I have no obligations so I will be sitting doing nothing but watching tv all night! I am going to so take a long bath and go to sleep. Because tomorrow is our real valentine's celebration without the girls (the church offers parent's night out once a month and this Friday is the one day) I am so excited. Than on Saturday A good friend of ours is bring by his new girlfriend. She is such a sweety, and so HOT! I druel just thinking about it. I have to do a major overhaul on the house all day Saturday though so it doesn't look like I never clean it. That's what I get for having kids huh?

So how do you all make choices in your life? For me I find one thing I want to do or change and dive head first into it. This week it is my slave list. Next week it could be crocheting. My avon is starting to come together. I am still trying to do the positive thinking I learned from "The Secret" DVD. We hope it works.

Changing your thinking is so hard

Hana
~Robert's little flower~

Him Part 4

2007-02-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

We went downstairs into the dinning hall. We were joined, upon our entrance, with a man. Jennifer introduced him as her “Sir”. I had no idea what that meant, but knew when she tried to drag me to sit next to them that I would be just a third unwanted wheel. I shoveled her off with a shuffle of my hand, and than scanned the room for the perfect seat. I found it between two couples, just far enough down the table and close enough to the head that even if I leaned forward I couldn’t see Michael. Everyone talked all through dinner, naked beauties walked in and out with trays. Some sat at there partners feet begging and panting for scraps. I raised my eyebrow at one couple near me and scuffed a bit, they must have heard because the female of the group looked up at me and increased the size of her eyes. I felt them trail over my body and than she got up. I was in shock; she couldn’t be actually coming over here. Michael must have seen her motion and he stood up and leaned into the women’s ear. She whispered back and nodded not so happily, before giving me one last look of disgust and returning to her seat. I ate quickly than, and as people started mingling out for the “evening events” I went the opposite direction. I followed the path of carpet trying to exactly remember were the library was. Once I found it, I grabbed the first book off the shelf, because someone else walked in. I raced up the stairs with the book open and over my face and closed the door behind me before anyone could talk to me. I stood against the door for quite awhile, catching my breath, and than moving to the bed with my book. The first sounds from downstairs resonated up to my ears and filling with muffled tones, panicked screams, enjoyable laughter, and moaning. I blocked most of it out the second I opened the book. The story of O, it proclaim on the side. I shut it harshly when they spoke of slaves and intercourse, but my curiosity got the better of me. As early night turned into late evening and early morning, I poured all my thoughts into the book. Before finally falling asleep with it on top of my chest, my mind filled with visions. I opened my eyes sometime later to the smell of him close by. But no matter how hard I opened I couldn’t see past the dark in front of me. I thought he had made me go blind, and went to open my mouth to scream. That is when I felt his hand on top of my head, running it through each strand. His touch was comforting, just as I started to relax into the feeling I realized he was touching me. I realize more that I was close, my mind started backing up the scene. Each second of panic brought more fabric, more images, more skin into the scene. When it was complete, all I could see was my hair. As my head was deep between his legs. His hand caressing my head while directing it so powerfully I felt loved and confused at the same time. I swallowed in my mind somewhere, and followed the line down my long hair. I could just make out the nakedness of my back, thighs, and souls. I did scream than and pulled up. As I did I woke up back in my room, the covers thrown off and sitting straight up like out of a movie. You know the type were the girl is dead but not really, finds herself in an open casket at her funeral. Just as everyone starts crying she sits up, and the eerie music plays. I turned my head as many shuffled feet were getting louder and closer to my door. I panicked and pulled the covers around me and ran for the closet. I got the door just closed as 4 men stormed in. I could see through the cracks that one was Michael, and they began looking under beds and in bathrooms for me. I wasn’t sure what to do. So I talked through the door. “I….I …am fine. You can all leave now. It was just a dream. So …sorry. Please go.” They turned towards my voice and than looked at Michael. He nodded and they all left except him. I sighed, “You can come out now, it’s safe,” He said. “I don’t want to come out. I want to stay here, besides I don’t have clothes on and I am not going to let you see me naked. So get out.” I responded. His face looked like he was pondering his next move. I waited for what seemed like ever, and than he said “As I told you before I don’t take orders in my house. So, why don’t you come out. I have seen naked girls before, and I need to make sure that someone isn’t in there with you making you lie so they can harm you more.” I sighed and slammed the door open, almost knocking it off the track “Look see! I have no one in here. Now you can leave” and I shut the door back with the same force. He laughed so deeply than “Oh you have spunk,” he patted the bed “Come on, sit down. Why don’t you tell me about your dream”. I didn’t respond. “OKKK…I’ll go than. But remember I am here.” He got up to leave and went out of my sight. I heard the door close, and breathed a sigh of relief. I stepped out slowly with each cautious step trying to get back to the bed again. I than made a running dash for it, just in case. My bed covers got caught up than, turning me and twisting me in such different ways and than smack landed right on my ass. He laughed than. “Graceful I see” I followed the voice; “I thought you left” I slammed back. “And miss your dance of the blankets! NEVER!” He laughed and said. “Stop laughing at me” I pulled the covers back up again and made the rest of the way to bed. When I was settled I rubbed my side. “You know I could have someone look at your side for you, or you could let me look at it." My eyes narrowed, but when I took in a deep breath and it was painful I responded differently than I wanted to. “You and one other person may look and he/she must be a doctor” I said. He nodded and quickly went out the door leaving the only light into the room coming from the hallway. Within minutes he was back with the lady from the dinning room. I raised my eyebrow “THIS is who you choose? I must have done something terrible in my past life.” The lady looked back at him, she must have had a strange look because his facial response was a shrug and what expression. She turned back to me, and said “Look child, do you really want a male in here?” I sighed and shook my head “Good now drop the sheet and lay on the side that doesn’t hurt. I dropped my jaw in shock, and looked a Michael. He just shrugged, I sighed in response and said “Michael, please turn around.” He quirked his head “Why you embarrassed?” I wasn’t than but I definitely was now. My body responded by looking down and blushing profusely as I scrambled to place the sheet to wear I was covering more. The Lady said, “Well that’s nice, maybe you aren’t a wash up after all.” She clapped her hands as if to say today. I sighed and stood up dropping my sheet and turning with my breast against the wall. Showing them my backside and the curves of my hips. “Let’s get on with this,” I responded…..

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Thats all for now folks

Hana

News for today

2007-02-07T12:08:00.000-08:00

I came across this and wanted to share it, it just makes me angry and sad at the same time..

Infants being gagged in Russia

Hana

Him Part 3

2007-02-07T08:49:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

I stormed up the stairs, so irritated that I had no idea where I was and now had to confront my best friend about the loser running the house. What a creep he was, I thought. I barged in the door not so quietly and startled Jennifer obviously. She was redressed in more attire from the 1930’s; she was putting on the last of her lipstick it looked like when I stormed in. This caused her hand to jump and the lip linear to run up the side of her cheek. I raised my eyebrow when she turned on me with such a aggravated look in her eyes. “LOOK! Chill the fuck out! Just tell me where we are, and how the fuck did you bring that dress? I mean you told me we were just going out for the night, but you had all of our damn bags packed!” I trailed my eyes around the room as I noticed something in the corner, my dress the green one and sitting in the chair in front of the dress was him! I was infuriated I ran straight for him without thought! “What the FUCK are you doing in here, and how did you get here before me?” I slammed in aggravated tones at him with large strides set to slap him when I got there. Jennifer knows this stride and practically dived, dress and all, in front of me totally catching me off guard. She grabbed my hand and started pushing me back before I could make contact. She slammed me so hard against the door I lost my breath. “Look bitch, calm down! Yes, I planned this. Yes, I waited months to find the right moment and the right to get you here. But it is for your own damn good. Now! Shut up for 5 seconds and listen…” She would have said more but his voice cut her off. “Jennifer,” He said calmly “Let her go, she isn’t ready. You should take her home.” I scanned Jennifer and tried to unscramble everything in her eyes. She released me than and started writing down the address. She had tears in her eyes when she handed me the paper. I was so confused, why was she so upset? I must have looked confused because when I touch her tear he spoke again. “You should probably be going you have a long ride back” With that he opened the bedroom door, I was still in a daze. Is he really telling me to leave her here? Like this? That anger boiled up again and I turned to him with all the venom I had. “Look! I don’t know what is going on here, but I am not leaving like this. Not now and not ever. So why don’t you get the fuck out so we can talk!” I stood directly in front of him, though he towered over me. I felt to short so I rose onto my tiptoes. He smiled than, “I see, well this is my house and though I would normally not be shoved around I will give you 5 minutes. Than I call the cab” He said. “Fine I yelled back” and turned my back from him. I took Jennifer’s hand than and sat down on the bed with her. I place a tissue against the smeared color on her face, and began correcting her make-up. “So, I am calm. Tell me why you’re so upset”. What was suppose to be five minutes turned into hours, the cab came left as she poured out how this man had come to her. How she had fallen in love with him, and he had introduced her to this whole world of sexuality. How their time together was so wonderful, and how she shared information about me with her boyfriend. They started going to “events” of like-minded people, and upon further meeting people felt more and more that I was missing out. She than told some of the intimate members that she and I went to certain clubs on certain nights. Men, unbeknownst to me, came and watched. After months of this Michael, who owned the house, came to her telling about this party and how he was interested. She pleaded with me to stay and just watch, to talk to Michael and to just see if there was a connection. After telling her I would think on it, I hoped into the bath. It was hot, and steamed up the room. I soaked until my skin was wrinkly, and when I got out with just a towel I had made a decision. “Jennifer” I said after cracking the door. “Yes, “ she said still sounding like she was crying. “I’ll stay just so your not alone, BUT I can’t guarantee I will talk to him. I will promise to watch openly, but he just…” She was so excited she cut me “OH! That’s great!” She hugged me so big than, and I got ready and when we closed the door to the bedroom I knew I had started a whole new path I knew nothing about….

Hana

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Post

2007-02-07T08:09:00.000-08:00

I will be post my next "Him" Part today sometime. I know no one is reading it but hey! Maybe someone will find us together soon. As for life. The bits is doing great on her speech! I just got over a hellacious cold. Avon hates me! My brand new sewing machine died, and now I have to borrow a used one because the one Master bought me is on back order. Oh and sex, well I have been taking prenatals to up my estrogen. So my sex drive is way out of control. Plus I am way sensitive. Master has taken advantage of this fully. Sunday night or Saturday he fucked me so hard I bruised my pelvic bone. My body on top of his, his arms around my waist and slamming me down on top of him. Followed by adding clips to my nipples until I could do nothing but stutter. Than last night I teasingly said "are we sex yet" while completely clothed on the bed. He just smiled...and 30 min later he was blindfolding me. He took out his nice flogger and abused me with it. Followed up by clips from top to bottom and he hit them off one by one. I held my breath through most of the beginning as not to scream out and wake up the girls. He got up closed the door and smacked me so hard, leaning in saying "Your screams, moans, whimpers, shivers, and pants are all mine don't hold your breath" And when he turned a clip off me that accidentally turned to much he said "Shut up no one wants to hear you complain" I laughed than and he responded with slamming his dick into me. I am totally bruised and tender in so many places...and you know what my body is still craving him now if not more.

What the heck?

Hana

Him Part 2

2007-01-30T09:44:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

Jennifer nearly caused a wreck trying to hail a taxing, as I stood timidly on the curb. My eyes couldn’t keep off the track up her thighs, and I had to swallow to keep my tongue from hanging out. I had always liked girls in some way, but never Jennifer. Tonight was whole different ball game, as I would come to find out. She practically pulled me into the cab and he took off before I could even catch my breath. Thirty minutes later we were cursing down the downtown district, I started grabbing my things and pulled money out to pay the cabbie. I was shocked once again when he kept going, and when I went to make mention of that fact Jennifer put a gloved hand on my arm. “Honey we are going somewhere else tonight,” she said. I was so confused but her look was such a mixture I knew not to push it. She lightened the mood by saying “Come on you know my surprises are always good.” I laughed a bit uneasily, but the ramble and patter of our voices got me so distracted I never really paid much attention on how far we had gone off course. So when we pulled in a deserted parking lot with nothing but another car waiting I knew I was in over my head. “Jen…ni…fer, I stumbled out, “what’s going on”. She seemingly ignored me, before saying something to the driver that just stepped out of the car. Than turned around, “I have this party I want to go to, and I knew you wouldn’t come. I couldn’t go by myself, so I told a little white lie. You forgive me don’t you?” She put on such an act of innocence, and threw her hands up and smile on that I just couldn’t resist. “Ok but the instant I am uncomfortable we are SO out of there.” She nodded and off we went. You know your mother always tells you pay attention to your surroundings, know where your going and were you have been, watch ahead and behind you at all times, but at 24 you really think you know the world and everyone in it. Knowing Jennifer like I did, I paid no mind to any of the fears in my head. When we arrived at our finial destination it was like a dream or a story. The gates alone were so expensive looking I almost demanded us return. Jennifer nudged me as we passed them, and gave me a kiss on the check. “Try new things, it won’t kill you.” I nodded trying to convince myself, but my stomach was saying all the opposite things. We drove up a driveway that rounded like in a fairytale. The trees were large standing oaks, which the house seemed to build itself around instead of vica versa. When I grabbed for the handle in the car Jennifer pulled me back. “Patience…” she said. I was never good at waiting, but when the driver started coming around to our side to open the door I just looked at her with my eyes narrowed. “Any more surprises tonight?” I said. She laughed and jumped out of the car, I thought to myself that wasn’t really a response. She stuck her head in, “Come on chicken.” “I am not a chicken, just…” The last words hung off my tongue as I took in the large castle like home in front of me. Saying it was huge is a understatement, the doors alone were at least twice my size and the windows looked like something out of Victorian design book. The house was done in brick and old wood, the doors were rich oak that had been stained many years ago. Deep oak partners aligned all the windows, and the storm shutters were the only thing that made the house look like it didn't just happened to grow out of the ground. I heard Jennifer walk off and the crack of the door, but I was such in a daze that I had to be dragged into the house. Our bags were set next to a whole bunch more, and my eyes trailed up the curved staircase that I swore was a remake of Gone with the wind. When we stepped into the massive front room it was overflowing with people. Some sitting, some kneeling on the floor, some cross legged on the couch, and some standing on almost every wall space. I was still taking it all in when a voice met my ears. “WELCOME, welcome everyone to my home away from home. I hope this weekend enthralls your passions, opens your eyes, and rekindles the….” I didn’t hear much of anything else because Jennifer was gnawing my ear off with her ramble. All about how old the house was, and were we would be staying, and how this weekend would be the greatest. Girl Stuff in general. She mentioned that the man talking was the owner of this place, DUH I thought. I just caught him talking about how to find our rooms when Jennifer nudged me to turn around cause he was scanning the room, or something. I turned and was met with a blue-eyed gentleman like no other. His presence alone was like a weight sunk on all living things and then searched through every crevice, but his eyes were such like hunting I was lost completely in them. As people started flowing out, grabbing bags and such, I was frozen in place. Jennifer nudged me and said something, with a wave of her hand and she stepped between us. “What’s wrong with you?” she said. I shock my head “Nothing I stuttered out…” We made it upstairs and that is when I started to panic. I can’t stay here, not with him here, not in this house, I need air all thoughts that rambled in my head. While Jennifer unpacked I looked for a way to get out without her knowing. When she took leave to take a shower I made a break for it. Grabbing my bagging and instinctively rushing down the stairs I had just come up. When I got about half way I heard voices. His, or what I remember was his, but it had an edge to it. Than some timid girl voice responded. It was hushed tones, so I don’t know what it was about, but I decided to tip toe out the front door. I got no more than three steps before the conversation in the front room stopped; I stopped as well one leg in the air and bag tittering to keep my balance. When I thought it was clear and crept to the front door. Grabbing hold of the handle on the door I turned my back to silence. I was sure I was home free, I had the door partially open and than I smelled him before I heard him. It was a rich manly scent mixed with musk from his cologne. By how strong it was I tried to judge were he was in the room behind me. His voice made it easier “I don’t remember inviting you here tonight,” He said in such monotone but with a hint of something deeper. “I turned and said, well no bother I was just leaving.” And waved my hand as if dismissing him. His eyebrows raised, and the girl that had just come around the corner bit her lower lip. It was like the air was completely sucked out of the room, before he finally chuckled. “Did you come with someone? Maybe we should call him/her?” He said. “I came with a girlfriend, but it was a mistake and now I’m going home.” I said. “Well you could let me call the car around…” I never let him finish his sentence before walking right up to him with all my glory and nerve “Look I don’t want to be here as much as you don’t want me here. But don’t do me any favors dude.” With that I picked up my cell phone and pressed the speed dial that would ring me a taxi. I was just finishing telling them what I needed when they asked the address, I realized I had no idea were I was. I knew I would have to ask, I cursed under my breath. Turned around to ask and just as quietly as he had entered he was gone. My mouth hung open, I sighed and clicked the phone shut. Leaving my bag I headed back upstairs to find Jennifer. Determined that she would tell me were I was or I would…Oh I don’t know what I would do. I just would…….

Thanks for reading

Hana

All works are copyrighted and may not be copied to anywhere without authorization.

Him Part I

2007-01-23T13:32:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly happened. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

The smell hit me before anything, it was so thick and touched every part of my body like a warm blanket. It overwhelmed all my senses and my body responded immediately. That smell always makes my spine send shivers, and my cunt moisten. The smell of well taken care of leather, the kind that is a mixture of liquorice and old whiskey. I tried to keep my eyes on the floor beneath me. The rich hard wood stared back at me and my vision started to blur with all the emotions running through me this very second. I thought nothing but “RUN”, and I felt nothing but fear. My heart raced almost out of my chest, I struggled with my urges to flea for what seemed like eternity. He finally spoke, making me almost jump out of my skin. Goosebumps raised while the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. He was speaking of his remembrance of me that first night. I was than transformed, through his words, back to that moment. The night we meet…

“Jennifer I am not going there again! Last time we went some clearly drunk bastard, who had to many, puked all over my new pradas’!!”
Jennifer laughed so much I thought she would never catch her breath “OH! Come on, you know he would have been totally YOUR type if he wasn’t so sick from the tequila”, she said clearly exhausted from all the laughter. Jennifer stood 5’6”, and perfect. Her brunette hair fell just below her shoulder blades, and curled just right at the ends. Those deep hazel eyes said so much in just a glimpse that they either made you run screaming or melted your heart. Her body was the perfect hourglass shape, the bosom nice handfuls of ample tissue. When she turned to look at me,her best friend, Hannah, even her movements were perfect. My bed was the perfect picture of a little girl’s room. My mother dying did that to me, and Jennifer took me under her wing at 8 and never left me side. The pink ruffles looked so odd around the perfect women that it made me laugh. Jennifer looked at me curiously “What’s so funny? Do I have snot running down my cheek?”

“No, No You just…. don’t fit.” I said. Jennifer opened her arms than “Come here,” I moved in close and upon her embrace I lost all track of the reason I didn’t want to go out tonight. For the next few hours Jennifer went through all of their clothes hundreds of times, until they both looked “just right”. I wore a tight jean mini skirt that looked like it had been cut from a pair of blue jeans, black tank top that said angel one side and showed her belly button, and black boots all of which belonged to Jennifer. I kept pulling down the skirt every time I moved feeling quite a bit uncomfortably about all the skin showing. Just as I was thinking of changing she came out of the bathroom, my jaw dropped to my chest and I swear I was paralyzed in that moment. My eyes traveled up over her black leather boots that stopped at her knees, the leather skirt that hung just over her hips, and the leather and lace corset made me drool slightly. If this didn’t shock me enough it was the leather thing in her hand that made me instinctively nervous. As she lifted it, with such a serious face, and popped it with a smack into her hand I nearly passed out. She cracked a smile than “What do you think?” my head was screaming a million things. I cleared my throat “Interesting…” was all I could manage. This smile I have never seen before crossed her face she grabbed her jacket and turned to me with mine “Good that is the look I wanted”. I was still stunned when we walked through the front door and out into the cold February air…….

Hana

Back

2007-01-15T12:27:00.000-08:00

Well it turns out she is cutting her two molers. HELL! So much fun!!! It iced here this weekend so we spent the weekend in the house. I sewed Bitty's window curtains, got one side done. The top is crocked but I don't care. The instructions were so wrong!!! and I broke 5 needles. SOOOO on the other side I am going to do it my way and than just put up a valance that is high in the top!!! But the rest looks great!! I hope the dress instructions aren't as screwed up...Easter is coming so head long I feel like I am spinning. Bee and I are trying for a our last baby, it isn't going so well. It didn't last time either. It's amazing how easy it is as a teenager, but when your adult it is a big problem. Though I guess the lack of intimacy maybe pushing it along, I am also having long times between my periods. This last one was 40 days. I just pray everyday that it happens, I just want one more to complete us. Keep us in your thoughts. My avon business is going down the tubes, I am so fustrated with it I don't want to even talk about it. I hope they straighten out my account soon.

Anyway thats all for now.

The Mama

Some Thoughts

2007-01-15T11:18:00.000-08:00

You know I was reading a neighbors blog today about a path. It was a old post she wrote but it sure stirred a lot of memories in me. A lot I haven't written about here or anywhere. No one in particular that I would have to worry about ever reading this, but it is awfully scary to expose stuff to the world that you have never even told the man you call Master. The thoughts in your head, the moments of crying yourself to sleep. The lonlinees and wanted to just flee. The seconds of standing outside "safety police" offices and wanting to walk in and "tell someone". The fear of foster homes, and the streets keeping me placed in the circle and path I lived until I left. I spoke for long hours to my mother the other night. Told her things about my first husband that she never knew. Of course, she lived in the past. Saying things like "you should have told us" or "we would have thought of something". I tried to tell her how hard it was to even tell her now some 10 years later. How could I possibly tell someone that never loved me that...or what was going on? How can you describe the fear and pain you felt every night, if you felt similiar to that all your life? How can you tell someone who never stood up for you...to now stand up for you? How would have that ended? Would we all have been dead?

And now I am sitting in a spot of trying to complete the process of having full custody of my oldest. As I sat down to talk to Master, and had a powerful motivator of a feeling (after talking to a lawyer). To just have it crushed to see the look in his eyes when he said, if we file than we will have to side the young ones to my bothers. That we would be putting our lives at risk everyday. I know his fear that they could come after us, but I really think in the pit of my stomach they wouldn't just because they said it to simply instil fear. I know how he feels that we would be taking a huge risk with our family. I also know he doesn't want to say all these things and seem unsupportive. So what I am to do? Do I take a huge risk and look for the papers in the courts and file, and try to locate at the cost of revenge out of fear? OR do I never try like I have always done and what will that do to me? How do you overvcome a life pre-written to you?

I fear so much of leading my kids into the hells of my path or worse that somedays I wish I could just walk away. I stay because I love them and Master but today just pulled all my thoughts out again.

So here I am again at a crossroads. How do you know what path is the right one?

Hana

Update on Fisting

2007-01-04T19:47:00.000-08:00

Sorry I have been so terribly sick. Everyone here has except Master OF COURSE. Anyway we did try the fisting again with a thicker lube. We tried it on my back this time, he got his knuckles pass and than tried to curl into a fist and nope not giving. Magadala, We have tried several positions. Also I did have the babies vaginally. Both were c-section. Master has given we just can't do it I'm to small.

We are going to a meet and greet this saturday with a new group of friends. Wish me luck

Hana

The small hole and the elk

2006-12-22T12:27:00.000-08:00

Well I know it has been way to long since I wrote here, but I wanted to share somethings that have been in my head. First off Master is on this fisting kick. He has tried it three times now, and each time he never gets his knuckles beyond the pubic bone. Everyone I know I have mentioned this to keeps telling me I am just to small, but damn it he wants this and I so BADLY want to give it to him. I feel like a failure everytime we try and doesn't happen. Anyone out there in blogger land got any advice? How do you put a large object into a small hole?

On another note one of my xmas presents came early, and Master wanted to show me. It is our first real flogger a elk. It isn't very long, and when Master put all his force behind it I just laughed. It was like feathers..LOL But than he did a swoop down and the tails hit and it made me jump. So even soft things can be mean. It is just a stepping block so we will see how things go.

Keep me in your thoughts

Hana
~Robert's little flower~

Planes, Automobiles...and all that Jazz

2006-12-13T09:05:00.000-08:00

Well I should have known when I lost my wedding ring at the airport that I should have just stayed home. Or maybe when I got in the car to drive to the airport and realized I was inhaling the scent of cigaretees. But NO I was on a one-way ticket to my vacation..AND DAMN IT I was going on vacation. So after crying for a hour in the airport of my ring and getting on the plane with a screamming baby who was totally exhausted. We landed in LAX, we grabbed our bags 1 hr later and dragged them to the shuttle. Than off to the rental car place, and off to the day of adventures. Were we ran in circles as my parents got us lost. Than they screamed at us because we got seperated at the chinese theatre, and Master put his foot down and told my dad where "things stood". We ended up at a hotel room for surfers, and I hated the small spce and no bath the whole time. I wish someone would have told me that things were going to be so, I would have stayed home. Disneyland the next day was an adventure, as we stood in line after line..and found out how much Disneyland hates strollers. We had to unload everytime we stop. Talk about a pain in the ass. We hit seaworld the next day, and though kiddo enjoyed it. The shows were quite long for a 2 yr old, and boring for me. Saturday was spent in a over priced mall, and sunday was spent trying to wait for ever delaying plane. Finally home at 11 pm at night, exhausted to the core. I have spent no time recoupin and now have the baby's head cold. ALL in all it was ok, but not a well rested vacation. Hopefully after the holidays things will look brighter.

Thats all for now

Hana

Update

2006-12-01T08:43:00.000-08:00

So I am sure you all are wondering. Where's hana? Yeah the whole 4 readers I have..YEAH RIGHT!! Anyway I have been working 12 hr days, plus staying up til midnight and get up at 6 am. Trying to get all this avon out to my customers before I go on vacation. Things are so crazy, I have about 8 orders I have to deliver this weekend, go grocery shopping, clean the house, and do all the laundry. Than on Monday and Tuesday I have to pack 4 suitcase, three backpacks, a bathroom kit, and snacks. We have to be at the airport two hours before our flight out Wednesday. That means bright and early there at 6:30 am. WOO HOO. Than unpack the car and pull of it into the airport with a tired child, get all our bags in the right spot and than sit for 2 hours. HOW EXCITING!!! But after all that we will be on the plane!!! Yeah plane!!! It's a 4 hour flight but we loose two hours in the air. Than I will see my parents...and off on a 5 day adventure. Keep your fingers crossed everything goes as planned. I hate surprises.

Master has gone into warning sex mode. It drives me crazy in a number of ways. He says as I'm getting out of the car, or I'm kissing him goodbye. I am gonna fuck you like you never have been fucked tonight. I swear this man is so wrong on so many levels.

Anyway I got a late night tonight, and lots of stuff to do.

Hugs and kisses

Hana

Meme

2006-11-21T13:36:00.000-08:00

I AM: totally dependent on people that love me

I SAID: "I need" to much the last week

I WANT: to love and be loved in return

I WISH: I could stay home and not have to worry about money.

I HATE: having to think about money constantly.

I MISS: having one good BEST friend

I FEAR: loosing the one I truly love the deepest

I HEAR: the sound of people talking.

I WONDER: if life can get better than this

I REGRET: some of the roads I have taken

I AM NOT: pretty enough, pleasing enough, caring enough

I DANCE: in my car and with my daughters

I SING: at church

I CRY: and feel embarrassed

I AM NOT ALWAYS: happy, even though I appear so

I MADE: my cards work

I WRITE: when I know no one else will read it

I CONFUSE: people when I talk or write

I NEED: lots of "I love you"s

I SHOULD: know that life isn't perfect

I START: things and don't finish them

I FINISH: last because I always stop to help and get screwed over.

I TAG: everyone who reads this – it’s a good one!

Today

2006-11-21T13:10:00.000-08:00

Today is the greatest day I have ever known...today it the greatest...That's one of the my favorite songs. If you don't know it than you are so out of the loop. Life is great over here, though I am sick again. I think the four of us keep giving it back and forth. Tommorrow we leave for Kansas to go spend Thanksgiving with Master's family it should be fun. Than in two weeks from tommorrow we will be on a plane to my parents. Keep your fingers cross I don't kill them while we are out there. Master and I have officially started trying to have another child. It has been fun, and not so fun.

So anyway that's what is going on here

Hana

A story

2006-11-08T07:25:00.000-08:00

I know I am going to get a lot of backlas on this, My Master sent me this and I think as many people should read it. If you don't want to do than just scroll past...a warning this is long.
Greetings Readers, Friends, and Other Visitors:

The Time Traveler appeared suddenly in my study on New Year’s Eve,
2004. He was a stolid, grizzled
man in a gray tunic and looked to be in his late-sixties or older. He
also appeared to be the
veteran of wars or of some terrible accident since he had livid scars
on his face and neck and
hands, some even visible in his scalp beneath a fuzz of gray hair
cropped short in a military cut.
One eye was covered by a black eyepatch. Before I could finish dialing
911 he announced in a husky
voice that he was a Time Traveler come back to talk to me about the
future.

Being a sometimes science-fiction writer but not a fool, I said,
“Prove it.”

“Do you remember Replay?” he said.

My finger hovered over the final “1” in my dialing. “The 1987
novel?” I said. “By Ken Grimwood?”

The stranger – Time Traveler, psychotic, home invader, whatever he
was – nodded.

I hesitated. The novel by Grimwood had won the World Fantasy Award a
year or two after my
first-novel, Song of Kali, had. Grimwood’s book was about a guy who
woke up one morning to find
himself snapped back decades in his life, from the late 1980’s to
himself as a college student in
1963, and thus getting the chance to relive – to replay – that life
again, only this time acting
upon what he’d already learned the hard way. In the book, the
character, who was to experience –
suffer – several Replays, learned that there were other people from
his time who were also
Replaying their lives in the past, their bodies younger but their
memories intact. I’d greatly
enjoyed the book, thought it deserved the award, and had been sad to
hear that Grimwood had died .
. . when? . . . in 2003.

So, I thought, I might have a grizzled nut case in my study this New
Year’s Eve, but if he was a
reader and a fan of Replay, he was probably just a sci-fi fan grizzled
nut case, and therefore
probably harmless. Possibly. Maybe.

I kept my finger poised over the final “1” in “911.”

“What does that book have to do with you illegally entering my home
and study?” I asked.

The stranger smiled … almost sadly I thought. “You asked me to
prove that I’m a Time Traveler,” he
said softly. “Do you remember how Grimwood’s character in Replay
went hunting for others in the
1960’s who had traveled back in time from the late 1980’s?”

I did remember now. I’d thought it clever at the time. The guy in
Replay, once he suspected others
were also replaying into the past, had taken out personal ads in major
city newspapers around the
country. The ads were concise. “Do you remember Three Mile Island,
Challenger, Watergate,
Reaganomics? If so, contact me at . . .”

Before I could say anything else on this New Year’s Eve of 2004, a
few hours before 2005 began,
the stranger said, “Terri Schiavo, Katrina, New Orleans under water,
Ninth Ward, Ray Nagin,
Superdome, Judge John Roberts, White Sox sweep the Astros in four to
win the World Series, Pope
Benedict XVI, Scooter Libby.”

“Wait, wait!” I said, scrambling for a pen and then scrambling even
faster to write. “Ray who?
Pope who? Scooter who?”

“You’ll recognize it all when you hear it all again,” said the
stranger. “I’ll see you in a year
and we’ll have our conversation.”

“Wait!” I repeated. “What was that middle apart . . . Ray Nugin?
Judge who? John Roberts? Who is .
. .” But when I looked up he was gone.

“White Sox win the Series?” I muttered into the silence. “Fat
chance.”

#

I was waiting for him on New Year’s Eve 2005. I didn’t see him
enter. I looked up from the book I
was fitfully reading and he was standing in the shadows again. I
didn’t dial 911 this time, nor
demand any more proof. I waved him to the leather wingchair and said,
“Would you like something to
drink?”

“Scotch,” he said. “Single malt if you have it.”

I did.

Our conversation ran over two hours, but the following is the gist of
it. I’m a novelist by trade.
I remember conversations pretty well. (Not as perfectly as Truman
Capote was said to be able to
recall long conversations word for word, but pretty well.)

The Time Traveler wouldn’t tell me what year in the future he was
from. Not even the decade or
century. But the gray cord trousers and blue-gray wool tunic top he was
wearing didn’t look very
far-future science-fictiony or military, no Star Trekky boots or
insignia, just wellworn clothes
that looked like something a guy who worked with his hands a lot would
wear. Construction maybe.

“I know you can’t tell me details about the future because of time
travel paradoxes,” I began. I
hadn’t spent a lifetime reading and then writing SF for nothing.

“Oh, bugger time travel paradoxes,” said the Time Traveler. “They
don’t exist. I could tell you
anything I want to and it won’t change anything. I just choose not to
tell you some things.”

I frowned at this. “Time travel paradoxes don’t exist? But surely
if I go back in time and kill my
grandfather before he meets my grandmother . . .”

The Time Traveler laughed and sipped his Scotch. “Would you want to
kill your grandfather?” he
said. “Or anyone else?”

“Well . . .Hitler maybe,” I said weakly.

The Traveler smiled, but more ironically this time. “Good luck,” he
said. “But don’t count on
succeeding.”

I shook my head. “But surely anything you tell me now about the
future will change the future,” I
said.

“I gave you a raft of facts about your future a year ago as my bona
fides,” said the Time
Traveler. “Did it change anything? Did you save New Orleans from
drowning?”

“I won $50 betting on the White Sox in October,” I admitted.

The Time Traveler only shook his head. “Quod erat demonstrandum,”
he said softly. “I could tell
you that the Mississippi River flows generally south. Would your
knowing about it change its
course or flow or flooding?”

I thought about this. Finally I said, “Why did you come back? Why do
you want to talk to me? What
do you want me to do?”

“I came back for my own purposes,” said the Time Traveler, looking
around my booklined study. “I
chose you to talk to because it was . . . convenient. And I don’t
want you to do a goddamned
thing. There’s nothing you can do. But relax . . . we’re not going
to be talking about personal
things. Such as, say, the year, day, and hour of your death. I don’t
even know that sort of
trivial information, although I could look it up quickly enough. You
can release that
white-knuckled grip you have on the edge of your desk.”

I tried to relax. “What do you want to talk about?” I said.

“The Century War,” said the Time Traveler.

I blinked and tried to remember some history. “You mean the Hundred
Year War? Fifteenth Century?
Fourteenth? Sometime around there. Between . . . France and England?
Henry V? Kenneth Branagh? Or
was it . . .”

“I mean the Century War with Islam,” interrupted the Time Traveler.
“Your future. Everyone’s.” He
was no longer smiling. Without asking, or offering to pour me any, he
stood, refilled his Scotch
glass, and sat again. He said, “It was important to me to come back
to this time early on in the
struggle. Even if only to remind myself of how unspeakably blind you
all were.”

“You mean the War on Terrorism,” I said.

“I mean the Long War with Islam,” he said. “The Century War. And
it’s not over yet where I come
from. Not close to being over.”

“You can’t have a war with Islam,” I said. “You can’t go to
war against a religion. Radical Islam,
maybe. Jihadism. Some extremists. But not a . . . the . . . religion
itself. The vast majority of
Muslims in the world are peaceloving people who wish us no harm. I mean
. . . I mean . . . the
very word ‘Islam’ means ‘Peace.’”

“So you kept telling yourselves,” said the Time Traveler. His voice
was very low but there was a
strange and almost frightening edge to it. “But the ‘peace’ in
‘Islam’ means ‘Submission.’ You’ll
find that out soon enough”

Great, I was thinking. Of all the time travelers in all the gin joints
in all the world, I get
this racist, xenophobic, right-wing asshole.

“After Nine-eleven, we’re fighting terrorism,” I began, “not .
. .”

He waved me into silence.

“You were a philosophy major or minor at that podunk little college
you went to long ago,” said
the Time Traveler. “Do you remember what Category Error is?”

It rang a bell. But I was too irritated at hearing my alma mater being
called a “podunk little
college” to be able to concentrate fully.

“I’ll tell you what it is,” said the Time Traveler. “In
philosophy and formal logic, and it has
its equivalents in science and business management, Category Error is
the term for having stated
or defined a problem so poorly that it becomes impossible to solve that
problem, through dialectic
or any other means.”

I waited. Finally I said firmly, “You can’t go to war with a
religion. Or, I mean . . . sure, you
could . . . the Crusades and all that . . . but it would be wrong.”

The Time Traveler sipped his Scotch and looked at me. He said, “Let
me give you an analogy . . .”

God, I hated and distrusted analogies. I said nothing.

“Let’s imagine,” said the Time Traveler, “that on December
eighth, Nineteen forty-one, President
Franklin Delano Roosevelt spoke before a joint session of Congress and
asked them to declare war
on aviation.”

“That’s absurd,” I said.

“Is it?” asked the Time Traveler. “The American battleships,
cruisers, harbor installations, Army
barracks, and airfields at Pearl Harbor and elsewhere in Hawaii were
all struck by Japanese
aircraft. Imagine if the next day Roosevelt had declared war on
aviation . . . threatening to wipe
it out wherever we found it. Committing all the resources of the United States of America to
defeating aviation, so help us God.”

“That’s just stupid,” I said. If I’d ever been afraid of this
Time Traveler, I wasn’t now. He was
obviously a mental defective.“The planes, the Japanese planes,” I
said, “were just a method of
attack . . . a means . . . it wasn’t aviation that attacked us at
Pearl Harbor, but the Empire of
Japan. We declared war on Japan and a few days later its ally, Germany,
lived up to its treaty
with the Japanese and declared war on us. If we’d declared war on
aviation, on goddamned airplanes
rather than the empire and ideology that launched them, we’d never
have . . .”

I stopped. What had he called it? Category Error. Making the problem
unsolvable through your
inability – or fear – of defining it correctly.

The Time Traveler was smiling at me from the shadows. It was a small,
thin, cold smile – holding
no humor in it, I was sure -- but still a smile of sorts. It seemed
more sad than gloating as my
sudden silence stretched on.

“What do you know about Syracuse?” he asked suddenly.

I blinked again. “Syracuse, New York?” I said at last.

He shook his head slowly. “Thucydides’ Syracuse,” he said softly.
“Syracuse circa 415 B.C. The
Syracuse Athens invaded.”

“It was . . . part of the Peloponnesian War,” I ventured.

He waited for more but I had no more to give. I loved history, but
let’s admit it . . . that was
ancient history. Still, I felt that I should have been able to tell
him,or at least remember, why
Syracuse was important in the Peloponnesian War or why they fought
there or who fought exactly or
who had won or . . . something. I hated feeling like a dull student
around this scarred old man.

“The war between Athens and its allies and Sparta and its allies –
a war for nothing less than
hegemony over the entire known world at that time – began in 431
B.C.,” said the Time Traveler.
“After seventeen years of almost constant fighting, with no clear or
permanent advantage for
either side, Athens – under the leadership of Alcibiades at the time
– decided to widen the war by
conquering Sicily, the ‘Great Greece’ they called it, an area full
of colonies and the key to
maritime commerce at the time the way the Strait of Hormuz in the
Persian Gulf is today.”

I hate being lectured to at the best of times, but something about the
tone and timber of the Time
Traveler’s voice – soft, deep, rasping, perhaps thickened a bit by
the whiskey – made this sound
more like a story being told around a campfire. Or perhaps a bit like
one of Garrison Keillor’s
Lake Wobegon stories on “Prairie Home Companion.” I settled deeper
into my chair and listened.

“Syracuse wasn’t a direct enemy of the Athenians,” continued the
Time Traveler, “but it was
quarreling with a local Athenian colony and the democracy of Athens
used that as an excuse to
launch a major expedition against it. It was a big deal – Athens sent
136 triremes, the best
fighting ships in the world then – and landed 5,000 soldiers right
under the city’s walls.

“The Athenians had enjoyed so much military success in recent years,
including their invasion of
Melos, that Thucydides wrote – So thoroughly had the present
prosperity persuaded the Athenians
that nothing could withstand them, and that they could achieve what was
possible and what was
impracticable alike, with means ample or inadequate it mattered not.
The reason for this was their
general extraordinary success, which made them confuse their strengths
with their hopes.”

“Oh, hell,” I said, “this is going to be a lecture about Iraq,
isn’t it? Look . . . I voted for
John Kerry last year and . . .”

“Listen to me,” the Time Traveler said softly. It was not a
request. There was steel in that soft,
rasping voice. “Nicias, the Athenian general who ended up leading the
invasion, warned against it
in 415 B.C. He said – ‘We must not disguise from ourselves that we
go to found a city among
strangers and enemies, and that he who undertakes such an enterprise
should be prepared to become
master of the country the first day he lands, or failing in this to
find everything hostile to
him’. Nicias, along with the Athenian poet and general Demosthenes,
would see their armies
destroyed at Syracuse and then they would both be captured and put to
death by the Syracusans.
Sparta won big in that two-year debacle for Athens. The war went on for
seven more years, but
Athens never recovered from that overreaching at Syracuse, and in the
end . . . Sparta destroyed
it. Conquered the Athenian empire and its allies, destroyed Athens’
democracy, ruined the entire
balance of power and Greek hegemony over the known world at the time .
. . ruined everything. All
because of a miscalculation about Syracuse.”

I sighed. I was sick of Iraq. Everyone was sick of Iraq on New Years
Eve, 2005, both Bush
supporters and Bush haters. It was just an ugly mess. “They just had
an election,” I said. “The
Iraqi people. They dipped their fingers in purple ink and . . .”

“Yes yes,” interrupted the Time Traveler as if recalling something
further back in time, and much
less important, than Athens versus Syracuse. “The free elections.
Purple fingers. Democracy in the
Mid-East. The Palestinians are voting as well. You will see in the
coming year what will become of
all that.”

The Time Traveler drank some Scotch, closed his eyes for a second, and
said, “Sun Tzu writes – The
side that knows when to fight and when not to will take the victory.
There are roadways not to be
traveled, armies not to be attacked, walled cities not to be
assaulted.”

“All right, goddammit,” I said irritably. “Your point’s made.
So we shouldn’t have invaded Iraq in
this . . . what did you call it? This Long War with Islam, this Century
War. We’re all beginning
to realize that here by the end of 2005.”

The Time Traveler shook his head. “You’ve understood nothing I’ve
said. Nothing. Athens failed in
Syracuse – and doomed their democracy – not because they fought in
the wrong place and at the
wrong time, but because they weren’t ruthless enough. They had grown
soft since their slaughter of
every combat-age man and boy on the island of Melos, the enslavement of
every woman and girl
there. The democratic Athenians, in regards to Syracuse, thought that
once engaged they could win
without absolute commitment to winning, claim victory without being as
ruthless and merciless as
their Spartan and Syracusan enemies. The Athenians, once defeat loomed,
turned against their own
generals and political leaders – and their official soothsayers. If
General Nicias or Demosthenes
had survived their captivity and returned home, the people who sent
them off with parades and
strewn flower petals in their path would have ripped them limb from
limb. They blamed their own
leaders like a sun-maddened dog ripping and chewing at its own
belly.”

I thought about this. I had no idea what the hell he was saying or how
it related to the future.

“You came back in time to lecture me about Thucydides?” I said.
“Athens? Syracuse? Sun-Tzu? No
offense, Mr. Time Traveler, but who gives a damn?”

The Time Traveler rose so quickly that I flinched back in my chair, but
he only refilled his
Scotch. This time he refilled my glass as well. “You probably should
give a damn” he said softly.
“ In 2006, you’ll be ripping and tearing at yourselves so fiercely
that your nation – the only one
on Earth actually fighting against resurgent caliphate Islam in this
long struggle over the very
future of civilization – will become so preoccupied with criticizing
yourselves and trying to gain
short-term political advantage, that you’ll all forget that there’s
actually a war for your
survival going on. Twenty-five years from now, every man or woman in
America who wishes to vote
will be required to read Thucydides on this matter. And others as well.
And there are tests. If
you don’t know some history, you don’t vote . . . much less run for
office. America’s vacation
from knowing history ends very soon now . . . for you, I mean. And for
those few others left alive
in the world who are allowed to vote.”

“You’re shitting me,” I said.

“I am shitting you not,” said the Time Traveler.

“Those few others left alive who are allowed to vote?” I said, the
words just now striking me like
hardthrown stones. “What the hell are you talking about? Has our
government taken away all our
civil liberties in this awful future of yours?”

He laughed then and this time it was a deep, hearty, truly amused
laugh. “Oh, yes,” he said when
the laughter abated a bit. He actually wiped away tears from his one
good eye. “I had almost
forgotten about your fears of your, our . . . civil liberties . . .
being abridged by our own
government back in these last stupidity-allowed years of 2005 and 2006
and 2007 . Where exactly do
you see this repression coming from?”

“Well . . .” I said. I hate it when I start a sentence with
‘well,’ especially in an argument.
“Well, the Patriot Act. Bush authorizing spying on Americans . . .
international phonecalls and
such. Uh . . . I think mosques in the States are under FBI
surveillance. I mean, they want to look
up what library books we’re reading, for God’s sake. Big Brother.
1984. You know.”

The Time Traveler laughed again, but with more edge this time. “Yes,
I know,” he said. “We all
know . . . up there in the future which some of you will survive to see
as free people. Civil
liberties. In 2006 you still fear yourselves and your own institutions
first, out of old habit. A
not unworthy – if fatally misguided and terminally masochistic –
paranoia. I will tell you right
now, and this is not a prediction but a history lesson, some of your
grandchildren will live in
dhimmitude.”

“Zimmi . . . what?” I said.

He spelled it out. What had sounded like a ‘z’ was the ‘dh.’
I’d never heard the word and I told
him so.

“Then get off your ass and Google it,” said the Time Traveler, his
one working eye glinting with
something like fury. “Dhimmitude. You can also look up the word
dhimmi, because that’s what two of
your three grandchildren will be called. Dhimmis. Dhimmitude is the
system of separate and
subordinate laws and rules they will live under. Look up the word
sharia while you’re Googling
dhimmi, because that is the only law they will answer to as dhimmis,
the only justice they can
hope for . . . they and tens and hundreds of millions more now who are
worried in your time about
invisible abridgements of their ‘civil liberties’ by their
‘oppressive’ American and European
democratically elected governments.”

He audibly sneered this last part. I wondered now if the fury I sensed
in him was a result of his
madness, or if the reverse were true.

“Where will my grandchildren suffer this dhimmitude?” I asked. My
mouth was suddenly so dry I
could barely speak.

“Eurabia,” said the Time Traveler.

“There’s no such place,” I said.

He gave me his one-eyed stare. My stomach suddenly lurched and I wished
I’d drunk no Scotch.
“Words,” I said.

The Time Traveler raised one scar-slashed eyebrow.

“Last year you gave me words about 2005,” I said. “The kind of
words Ken Grimwood’s replayers in
time would have put in the newspaper to find each other. Give me more
now. Or, better yet, just
fucking tell me what you’re talking about. You said it wouldn’t
matter. You said that my knowing
won’t change anything, any more than I can change the direction the
Mississippi is flowing . So
tell me, God damn it!”

He began by giving me words. Even while I was scribbling them down, I
was thinking of reading I’d
been doing recently about the joy with which the Victorian Englishmen
and 19th Century Europeans
and Americans greeted the arrival of the 20th Century. The toasts,
especially among the
intellectual elite, on New Year’s Eve 1899 had been about the coming
glories of technology
liberating them, of the imminent Second Enlightenment in human
understanding, of the certainty of
a just one-world government, of the end of war for all time.

Instead, what words would a time traveler or poor Replay victim put in
his London Times or
Berliner Zeitung or New York Times on January 1, 1900, to find his
fellow travelers displaced in
time? Auschwitz, I was sure, and Hiroshima and Trinity Site and
Holocaust and Hitler and Stalin
and . . .

The clock in my study chimed midnight.

Jesus God. Did I want to hear such words about 2006 and the rest of the
21st Century from the Time
Traveler?

“Ahmadenijad,” he said softly. “Natanz. Arak. Bushehr. Ishafan.
Bonab. Ramsar.”

“Those words don’t mean a damned thing to me,” I said as I
scribbled them down phonetically.
“Where are they? What are they?”

“You’ll know soon enough,” said the Time Traveler.

“Are you talking about . . . what? . . . the next fifteen or twenty
years?” I said.

“I’m talking about the next fifteen or twenty months from your
now,” he said softly. “Do you want
more words?”

I didn’t. But I couldn’t speak just then.

“General Seyed Reza Pardis,” intoned the Time Traveler.
“Shehab-one, Shehab-two, Shehab-three. Tel Aviv. Baghdad International Airport, Al Salem U.S. airbase in Kuwait,
Camp Dawhah U.S. Army base
in Kuwait, al Seeb U.S. airbase in Oman, al Udeid U.S. Army and Air
Force base in Qatar. Haifa.
Beir-Shiva. Dimona.”

“Oh, fuck,” I said. “Oh, Jesus.” I had no clue as to who or
what Shehab One, Two, or Three might
be, but the context and litany alone made me want to throw up.

“This is just the beginning,” said the Time Traveler.

“Wasn’t the beginning on September 11, 2001?” I managed through
numb lips.

The one-eyed scarred man shook his head. “Historians in my time know
that it began on June 5,
1968,” he said. “But it hasn’t really begun for you yet. For any
of you.”

I thought – What on earth happened on the fifth of June, 1968? I’m
old enough to remember. I was
in college then. Working that summer and . . . Kennedy. Robert F.
Kennedy’s assassination. “Now on
to Chicago and the nomination!” Sirhan Sirhan. Was the Time Traveler
trying to give me some kind
of half-assed Oliver-Stone-JFK-movie garbled up conspiracy theory?

“What . . .” I began.

“Galveston,” interrupted the Time Traveler. “The Space Needle.
Bank of America Plaza in Dallas.
Renaissance Tower in Dallas. Bank One Center in Dallas. The
Indianapolis 500 – one hour and
twenty-three minutes into the race. The Bell South Building in Atlanta.
The TransAmerica Pyramid
in San Francisco . . .”

“Stop,” I said. “Just stop.”

“The Golden Gate Bridge,” persisted the Time Traveler. “The
Guggenheim in Bilbao. The New
Reichstag in Berlin. Albert Hall. Saint Paul’s Cathedral . . .”

“Shut the fuck up!” I shouted. “All these places can’t
disappear in the rest of this century, your
goddamned Century War or not! I don’t believe it.”

“I didn’t say in the rest of your century,” said the Time
Traveler, his torn voice almost a
whisper now. “I’m talking about your next fifteen years. And I’ve
barely begun.”

“You’re nuts,” I said. “You’re not from the future. You
escaped from some asylum.”

The Time Traveler nodded. “That’s more true than you know,” he
said. “I come from a place and time
where your grandchildren and hundreds of millions of other dhimmi are
compelled to write ‘pbuh’
after the Prophet’s name. They wear gold crosses and gold Stars of
David sewn onto their clothing.
The Nazis didn’t invent the wearing of the Star of David . . . the
marking and setting apart of
the Jews in society. Muslims did that centuries ago in they lands they
conquered, European and
otherwise. They will refine it and update it, not toward the more
merciful, in the lands they
occupy through the decades ahead of you.”

“You’re crazy,” I cried, standing. My hands were balled into
fists. “Islam is a religion . . . a
religion of peace . . . not our enemy. We can’t be at war with a
religion. That’s obscene.”

“Have you read the Qur’an and learned your Sunnah?” asked the
Time Traveler. “It would behoove you
to do so. Dhimmi means ‘protection.’ And your children and
grandchildren will be protected . . .
like cattle.”

“To hell with you,” I said.

“Your dhimmi poll tax will be called jizya,” said the Time
Traveler. His voice suddenly sounded
very weary.“Your land tax for being an infidel, even for fellow
People of the Book – Christians
and Jews – will be called kharaz. Both of these taxes will be in
addition to your mandatory alms –
the zakat. The punishment for failure to pay, or for paying late, a
punishment meted out by your
local qadi, religious judge, is death by stoning or beheading.”

I folded my arms and looked away from the Time Traveler.

“Under sharia – which will be the universal law of Eurabia,”
persisted the Time Traveler, “the
value of a dhimmi’s life, the value of your grandchildren, is one
half the value of a Muslim’s
life. Jews and Christians are worth one-third of a Muslim. Indian
Parsees are worth one-fifteenth.
In a court of the Eurabian Caliphate or the Global Khalifate, if a
Muslim murders a dhimmi, any
infidel, he must pay a blood money fine not to exceed one thousand
euros. No Muslim will ever be
jailed or sentenced to death for the murder of any dhimmi or any number
of dhimmis. If the murders
were done under the auspices of Universal Compulsive Jihad, which will
be sanctioned by sharia as
of 2019 Common Era, all blood money fines are waived.”

“Go away,” I said. “Go back to wherever you came from.”

“I come from here,” said the Time Traveler. “From not so far from
here.”

“Bullshit,” I said.

“Your enemies have gathered and struck and continue to strike and
you, the innocents of 2006 and
beyond, fight among yourselves, chew and rip at your own bellies, blame
your brothers and
yourselves and your institutions of the Enlightenment – law,
tolerance, science, democracy – even
while your enemies grow stronger.”

“How are we supposed to know who our enemies are?” I turned and
growled at him. “The world is a
complex place. Morality is a complex thing.”

“Your enemy is he who will give his life to kill you,” said the
Time Traveler. “Your enemies are
they that wish you and your children and your grandchildren dead and
who are willing to sacrifice
themselves, or support those fanatics who will sacrifice themselves, to
see you and your
institutions destroyed. You haven’t figured that out yet – the
majority of you fat, sleeping,
smug, infinitely stupid Americans and Europeans.”

He stood and set the Scotch glass back in its place on my sideboard.
“How, we wonder in my time,”
he said softly, “can you ignore the better part of a billion people
who say aloud that they are
willing to kill your children . . . or condone and celebrate the
killing of them? And ignore them
as they act on what they say? We do not understand you.”

I still had not turned to face him, but was looking over my shoulder at
him.

“The world, as it turns out,” continued the Time Traveler, “is
not nearly so complex a place as
your liberal and gentle minds sought to make it.”

I did not respond.

“Thucydides taught us more than twenty-four hundred years ago –
counting back from your time –
that all men’s behavior is guided by phobos, kerdos, and doxa,”
said the Time Traveler. “Fear,
self-interest, and honor.”

I pretended I did not hear.

“Plato saw human behavior as a chariot pulled by precisely those
three powerful and headstrong
horses, first tugged this way, then pulled that way,” continued the
Time Traveler. “Phobos,
kerdos, doxa. Fear, self-interest, honor. Which of these guides the
chariot of your nation and
your allies in Europe and your surprisingly fragile civilization now, O
Man of 2006?”

I stared at the bookcase instead of the man and willed him gone,
wishing him away like a sleepy
boy willing away the boogeyman under his bed.

“Which combination of those three traits -- phobos, kerdos, doxa --
will save or doom your world?”
asked the Time Traveler. “Which might bring you back from this
vacation from history – from
history’s responsibilities and history’s burdens – that you have
all so generously gifted
yourselves with? You peaceloving Europeans. You civil-liberties loving
Americans? You Athenian
invertebrates with your love of your own exalted sensibilities and your
willingness to enter into
a global war for civilizational survival even while you are too timid,
too fearful . . . too
decent . . . to match the ruthlessness of your enemies.”

I closed my eyes but that did not stop his voice.

“At least understand that such decency goes away quickly when you are
burying your children and
your grandchildren,” rasped the Time Traveler. “Or watching them
suffer in slavery. Ruthlessness
deferred against totalitarian aggression only makes the later need for
ruthlessness more terrible.
Thousands of years of history and war should have taught you that. Did
you fools learning nothing
from living through the charnel house that was the 20th Century?”

I’d had enough. I opened my eyes, turned, reached into the top left
drawer of my desk, and pulled
out the .38 revolver that I had owned for twenty-three years and fired
only twice, at firing
ranges, shortly after it was given to me as a gift.

I aimed it at the Time Traveler. “Get out,” I said.

He showed no reaction. “Do you want more than words?” he asked
softly. “I will give you more than
words. I give you eight million Jews dead in Israel – incinerated –
and many more dead Jews in
Eurabia and around the world. I give you the continent of Europe cast
back more than five hundred
years into sad pools of warring civilizations.”

“Get out,” I repeated, aiming the revolver higher.

“I give you an Asian world in chaos, a Pacific rim ruled by China
after the vacuum of America’s
withdrawal – this nation’s full resources devoted to fighting, and
possibly losing, the Century
War – a South America and Mexico lost to corruption and appeasement,
a resurgent Russian Empire
that has reclaimed its old dominated republics and more, and a Canada
split into three hateful
nations.”

I cocked the pistol. The click sounded very loud in the small room.

“We were speaking about ruthlessness,” said the Time Traveler.
“If you fail to understand it at
first, you learn it quickly enough in a war like the one you are
allowing to come. Would you like
to hear the litany of Islamic shrines and cities that will blossom in
nuclear retaliatory fire in
the decades to come?”

“Get out,” I said for a final time. “I’m ruthless enough to
shoot you, and by God I will if you
don’t get out of here.”

The Time Traveler nodded. “As you wish. But you should hear two last
words, two last names . .
.religious judge Ubar ibn al-Khattab and rector-imam Ismail Nawahda of
New Al-Azhar University in
London, part of the 200,000-man Golden Mosque of the New Islamic
Khalifate in Eurabia.”

“What are those names to me or me to them?” I asked. My finger was
on the trigger of the cocked
.38.

“These religious officials were on the Islamic Tribunal that
sentenced two dhimmis to death by
stoning and beheading,” said the Time Traveler. “The dhimmis were
your two grandsons, Thomas and
Daniel.”

“What was . . . will be . . . their crime?” I was able to ask after
a long minute. My tongue felt
like a strip of rough cotton.

“They dated two Muslim women – Thomas while he was in London on
business, Daniel while visiting
his aging mother, your daughter, in Canada – without first converting
to Islam. That part of
sharia, Islamic law, is called hudud, and we know quite a bit about it
in my time. Your grandsons
didn’t know the young women were Muslim since they both were dressed
in modern garb - -thus
violating their own society’s ironclad rule of Hijab — modesty. The
girls, I hear, also died, but
those were not sharia sentences. Not hudud. Their brothers and fathers
murdered them. Honor
killings . . . I think you’ve already heard the phrase by 2006.”

If I were to shoot him, I had to do it now. My hand was shaking more
fiercely every second.

“Of course, the odds against one sharia court in London sentencing
both your grandsons to death
for crimes committed as far apart as London and Quebec City is too much
of a coincidence to
believe in,” continued the Time Traveler. “As is the fact that they
would both be introduced to
Muslim girls, without knowing they were Muslim, and go on a single
dinner date with them at the
same time, in cities so far apart. And Thomas was married. I know he
thought he was having a
business dinner with a client.”

“What . . .” I began, my arm holding the pistol shaking as if
palsied.

The Time Traveler laughed a final time. “All of your grandsons’
names were on lists. You wrote
something . . . will soon write something . . . that will put your
name, and all your descendents’
names, on their list. Including your only surviving grandson.”

I opened my mouth but did not speak.

“According to their own writings, which we all know well in my
day,” continued the Time Traveler,
“ ‘Hadith Malik 511:1588 The last statement that Muhammad made was:
"O Lord, perish the Jews and
Christians. They made churches of the graves of their prophets. There
shall be no two faiths in
Arabia.’ And there are not. All infidels – Christians, Jews,
secularists -- have been executed,
converted, or driven out. Israel is cinders. Eurabia and the New
Khalifate is growing, absorbing
what was left of the old, weak cultures there that once dreamt of a
European Union. The Century
War is not near over. Two of your three grandsons are now dead. Your
remaining grandson still
fights, as does one of your surviving granddaughters. Two of your three
living granddaughters now
live under sharia within the aegis of New Khalifate. They are women of
the veil.”

I lowered the pistol.

“ Enjoy these last days and months and years of your slumber,
Grandfather,” said the scarred old
man. “Your wake-up call is coming soon.”

The Time Traveler said three last words and was gone.

I put the pistol away – realizing too late that it had never been
loaded – and sat down to write
this. I could not. I waited these three months to try again.

Oh, Lord, I wish that some person on business from Porlock would wake
me from this dream.

It was not the horrors of his revelations about my grandchildren that
had shaken me the most
deeply, shaken me to the core of my core, but rather the the Time
Traveler’s last three words.
Three words that any Replayer or time traveler visiting here from a
century or more from now would
react to first and most emotionally – three words I will not share
here in this piece nor ever
plan to share, at least until everyone on Earth knows them – three
words that will keep me awake
nights for months and years to come.

Three words.

Sincerely,

(Note: Books commented on in this essay include – The Peloponnesian
War by Donald Kagan, The Book
of War: 25 Centuries of Great War Writing edited by John Keegan, While
Europe Slept: How Radical
Islam Is Destroying the West from Within by Bruce Bawer, The Clash of
Civilizations and the
Remaking of the World Order by Samuel P. Huntington, Civilization and
Its Enemies: The Next Stage
of History by Lee Harris, The Shield of Achilles: War, Peace, and the
Course of History by Philip
Bobbit, and Replay by Ken Grimwood.)

The Flower Update

2006-11-06T15:10:00.000-08:00

I am sure you all want to know what is up on my side of life. Well here goes...

I am still trying to make the cash to go to TRF, hopefully by this weekend I will have it. Master and I get out pictures done (family pictures) next weekend and I haven't even bought my dress yet. I am being so lazy...LOL. No really I was sick with the flu AGAIN last week. It so sucks, but on Thrusday I get my flu shot so no more flus. YEAH!! Kaya dear I can't read your blogs at work anymore :( I have been trying to read them on the weekend but it is just so much info!!! ACK!! I did mention to Master about your binder clip fetish. He couldn't see the small ones being enjoyable..and I told him it is mostly about upping the anty. That you and your Master had been doing it ever so long. He said no upping the anty..but that is what he says...LOL. I will tell you more about that later. So onto the party about two weekends ago now. It was fun, but not as fun as most of the parties we originally had been going to. Everyone showed dressed up and by two hours into it everyone was undressed in normal clothes again. SIGH. I told Master next year we should go to Shumpy's party instead, they have big blocks of ice and kissing apples...At least we wouldn't know anyone so we could act dumb..LOL. I did enjoy some cuddling time with Master J and watched a movie. But than Master fell asleep so we left. Master got lost on the way home and it took a hour extra to get home. I crashed immediately. Than I got sick no fun stuff.

Than a couple of nights ago Master and I were doing our normal dance. "You wanta have a quicky?" "Your quickies are two hours" "Well if you hurry it would be a quikie" We do this often. LOL Anyway, of course, we started kissing and petting. I really don't remember now, but we were all hot and deep into it. I turned to Master and wimpered "Clamps...just a little pinch....pleaseee.." he teased me about wanting a quickie. I said I changed my mind...so here is where it gets tricky. Master puts the clamps oon and off he disappears. I was in shock, where did he go I thought? Than Master comes back and has me crawl to the living room. Off I go on all fours after him. I stood there in the middle of the living room while he found the clothes pins and perceded to attach them to me. He worked them good on all sides, my breast, and down my lips. He warmed me up with tugs and pulls, playing with my pussy...fucking it..than alternating. It was exciting and I was wet and needy when the clamps finally were pulled off. Now, remember he said no upping the bar right? Well Master pulls out the lotion, and begins apply it to his fingers. I think nothing of it because I am small, and sometimes he has to open me. So I am enjoying the feel of his fingers entering one at a time. The lotion is slowly heating up with the friction. Master begins adding more and more, and than I realize he is try to get his whole hand in!!!! I am now gasping for air and I can't think straight. I don't know if it is the realization of what he is doing or the words of "cum slut" repeated my ear. But he never did get his hand fully in, because he wanted his dick in there before she (my pussy) would open up enough. He fucked me good and when he was done I lay in a heap of sweat, cum, and pussy juice on the floor. I licked him clean and than was put into a warm bath. Last I remember was my head touch the soft pillow and instantly asleep.

Wonderful dreams that night.

Halloween went well, though cold. I had to change Bitty's costume last minute cause of the sudden cold snap. Master walked with the kiddos around the neighborhood, and than when they were home and settled, he took over for the door and to bed I went. I slept the next three days straigtht. I am feeling wonderfully good today, though still a bit tired.

Hugs and kisses,

Hana

The Busy Weekend

2006-10-25T07:51:00.000-07:00

I am sorry I haven't kept up with this I have been running around so bad I couldn't keep up with this...let alone anything else. I had my huge avon event at a local fair here last weekend. I set up a booth and sold product. Another lady was suppose to do it with me but she got the flu at the last minute. So I asked if Master's dad would watch her, and after much complaining he agreed. So off we went, it took three trips to get everything there that I needed. It was cold at first and than warmed up, and definetly busy busy. I sold lots, but I need to bring more of some specific products and less of others. I have another smaller event on November 9th, wish me luck with that. As far as the sex and lifestyle stuff. It has kinda dwindled with the busy life we have led. Both Master and I were so exhausted we didn't do much of anything. Sunday was spent at church and than at a pumpkin patch. The last two days have been spent grocery shopping (which I just finished last night). I still have some products I have to get to a customer and at some point tommorrow I need to place my order. Well that all over her in the household. I wish all a great holiday months, I am going to be kinda scarce with all the planning.

Hugs and Loves

Hana

Birthday Parties

2006-10-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend was Bitty's bday party. We had a great turn out and everyone had fun. I was really worried it would be like last year and we would have no one there. But it wasn't. Everyone ate and than Dora came and did her thing. She brought out a live bunny and it was great! Bitty loved petting it. Than we did cake and gifts, and wow what a haul. WONDERFUL!! She got everything a little girl could need. I swear we have the best friends. The house is working perfect, the avon is flowing. I got a avon event this weekend. Of course Bitty caught a cold on Friday night and was running a slight fever all weekend. But we got antibotics immediately and we will be taken her into the doc this afternoon. I hope this one doesn't put her out a week again. Poor baby...I have to sue one of the ladies from my ebay stuff. I have customers who aren't patient and it is really fustrating me. We go to a halloween party on the 28th it should be fun. Our weekends are packed for the next couple of weeks. But Sunday was rainy and we got to just lay around in pj's all day. It was very relaxing. That's all over here how about you? Has anyone hear of the ginger rot thing up the ass...so totally wrong. I will search for the link and post it soon.

Til tommorrow

Hana

The things that make me so mad

2006-10-10T06:37:00.000-07:00

I came across this story The report says the father hit her in the eye after she swung the baby at him. She is lucky she doesn't live with my Master, he would have done more than blacken her eye. It just makes so angry..and "IT WAS JUST A MISTAKE" SIGH what a loser.

Hana

The House

2006-10-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

Ok the house is absolutely fab. I got everything unpacked that needed to be...and I was so tired I cut down one of our plants to far and now it looks like a deform chia pet. LOL Oh well I will get the hang of it. I want to get a outdoor firepit for the patio so when we have guest they will be warm outside in the winter. Bitty loves the house she runs through it and out the back and pack in the whole time giggling. The oldest, I don't think I choose a name for her on her so we will call her V, she loves having her own room and space..YEAH!! No more sharing she says. She hopes that our last child, because we want one more, is a girl so the two youngest can share a room and she can have her own space. What she doesn't realize is that once we have the other the girls will all share a room and Master will get his den. SHHH dont tell her. The friend, A, that was suppose to be here last week I have heard not a peep from. She hasnt even called...pouts. I hope she turns back up. Anyway thats all thats going on over here nothing exciting. I will send pics soon.

Later

Hana

The Party

2006-09-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

I had absolutely the best time at the party this weekend. Both the guys I liked were there, you may know them from the previous post as J and M. Both hot hunks in their own way, Master said he didn't have much fun because some of the extra girlege was missing..and so with me off and about he didn't get much attention. But the ration is like way in the girls favor....My hope is that with A coming close maybe something will click and he will have someone finally to have fun moments with. Anyway, I arrive and undressed...placing on my hip skirt and presenting myself to both the host and the head Master for the night. They both like my outfits and than off I went to get food set up. I quickly got Master and drink, and than off I went again to find him and Master J a plate. We sat and talked for awhile, and than the girls got to eat. Such declious food and such wonderful environment. The dancing circle started not much later, and I got pulled in to dance for a bit. I teased Master J, and he much enjoyed it. Than I got pulled back to help Mistress T get dressed for her performance. She is our bellydance instructor. It was great fun, and I got to talk to her a lot about the goings on with Master. Than she came out and dance, I was sitting with Master M and he began to pull my hair and make me have to swallow my moans. The men later on complained that she didn't put as much into it as she normally does (This was of course after they were gone), I didnt get to see much of it as I was "preoccupied". This is were the party heats up. I gave Master D a good back massage in one of the back bedrooms, than roamed a bit outside were Master J was...smiles evilly. I shimmed and than crawl over to his empty feet. He immediately started pulling my hair, now let me tell you Master J nomrally is my biggest tease. I have been trying for two years to get this man to do more then let me cuddle with him, so when he did that I was completely floor but happy. He would run his fingers through my hair to the base and than turn my head back and tighten his grip...each time tighter...sometimes he would lean in and nibble my ear...sometimes chow down on my neck...It was such heaven!!! We spent hours just doing this, and it was much enjoyable. Once inside I parted from him and off to give Master M a naked massage. He loved each moment and we enjoyed the time together. It was talk, massage, teasing. My hands ran slowly over his massive manly arms and chest, leaning in to just graze his side with my nipples. He would than pinch them, followed by my moans and him asking a silly question. I was floating by the time I came out!! I went and laid were Master J was, his hands began it's slow trail over my legs and down my sides. Tickling and teasing....until I turned it off and he was disappointed...evil devil spent the neck hour trying to find the spots that I couldn't turn off. I helped clean up, and than off and out the door I went. Master and I are talked on the way home...I am not sure if he is joking but he may let me go to TRF by myself with Master J. Keep your fingers crossed.

Hana

Fuck Fridays

2006-09-15T11:40:00.000-07:00

Well its Friday but I don't get pain sex tonight. We have a party to go to tommorrow and Master doesn't want me limping around with a owy pussy so dear readers will have to wait til Sat pain night this weekend. I get my new cable modem at the new house tommorrow, along with it comes cable tv. I haven't had cable in 4 yrs. YEAH!!!

Laters

Hana

Normal

2006-09-13T08:06:00.000-07:00

What exactly is normal? And what do you do when you aren't that anymore. Master tells me last night that he can't have "normal" sex with me anymore cause I don't get off. I told him he should stop upping the anty if he wanted me to get off with "normal" sex. He just laughed and had me give him a blowjob. But it made me think...

AM I that demanding in bed? Do I really have to have some huge scene to enjoy it? I just never really thought about it. We do these huge scenes, it takes me a week to heal, and than we have another. I normally don't have inbetweens. He wants inbetweens. So how to do I enjoy something that is just "normal"? I don't know how to go backwards....

Anyway just some thoughts..

Hana

Tagged

2006-09-13T07:22:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by art I am suppose to divulge eight secrets. So here goes:

1) I tell Master no more often than he gets a yes to sex.

2) I still haven't turned in my taxes for last year.

3) I told our home daycare lady that we were moving Bitty to a neighbors house, but we are actually moving her to a private preschool.

4) I was molested on my 13th birthday and my father's response was that "Well if you would have come to the pool this wouldn't have happened. So it's your fault"

5) I had to hire a private dectective to hunt my oldest down when my ex mother-in-law took off with her.

6) Once I started driving I was involved in 6 accidents that all totaled the cars I was in within the first two years of driving. Luckily I was only driving in two of the them.

7) I get fired from most from most of the jobs I get fired from because I hate working and so I become lazy and unmotivated.

8) I have a secret crush on Dr. McDreamy (If you don't know who that is you aren't a avid fan like me)

I tag...

Lucy

Behavn

Annissa

That's all for me

Hana

Remembering 9/11

2006-09-11T10:31:00.000-07:00

I almost forgot that I was suppose to post this today...

This is in remeberance of Mario L. Santoro, age 28.Place killed: World Trade Center. Resident of New York, N.Y. (USA).

Here's a picture:

I picked him because he looked so much like Master in his younger days, and I could see him holding Bitty just like Mario is hold his daughter. Her name is Sophia and she was three when it happened. He was a dedicated EMS workeer and a loving father. His wife said that meals were important to him. I can truly identify with this.

I leave you with thoughts from people who knew him well...

"Dear Mario,
I can't believe you are gone...we miss you so much. It has been almost a year since you left us and the pain of not longer having you around us gets stronger by the day.
We are so proud of you...you died doing what you loved most, helping others. I hope you know that we think of you everyday, not a day goes without Mom or Dad mentioning you or crying for you.
You are now our hero, our guardian angel, but you will always be my little brother.
Love,
Maria"

"I remember as if it was yesterday. Your bright smile. Your love for basketball. We both entered John Jay College as freshman. We played Spades together, beating anyone we came across in that lunch room. I am so sorry that I just found out that you were a fallen hero. I will always remember us in the library. The security telling us to "Keep it down" as we tried to quiet our laughs. I miss you Mario. You will always remain in my heart.

Juanita"

"You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I could not believe it when I heard the news. I know you are with God watching over all those you love. My heart goes out to your family. Heaven won an angel and we all lost a wonderful human being. You will be forever missed.
Nancy Rios"

Please remember all the victims.

Hana

Sick and men

2006-09-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

So I spent all day saturday getting my avon together to be shipped. I got nothing done at the house I wanted to, so I have to go back tonight. UGH. I ate tuna fish on Sat and I think it was bad cause I was throwing up my gut all day...and slept most of the day off. That at about 10 pm, when I was ready to just crash from the barfing and running shits Master hugs me and says "Want to do it". Me being totally sick and drugged said "I am so not answering that question, that is the dumbest thing I ever heard you say" He responded with a "Huh? What you say?" and I ignored him and went to sleep.

This just proves my point, men don't care if you smell or have been sick all day. When they are horney they just want a hole...UGH!!!

Anyway back to making the work go so I can go clean the house...oh and the construction workers at work have decided to take over my desk to put some dumb ac unit above my head. So now I get to hear drilling all day. I should have stayed home.

DANCING

2006-09-02T19:42:00.000-07:00

WE HAVE THE KEYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*Dances all around the place* The carpet cleaners are coming next and the washer pipe is leaking so the plumer is coming next week too. And it needs A SUPER GOOD CLEANING..inside and out before we put anything in it. BUT ITS OURS>>>>>>YEYEEAHHHHHHHH...

I'm Alive

2006-08-31T18:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys Little bit got a ear infection and was running over 104 for 4 days, some customer from ebay is trying to get over 150 dollars back from me because she didn't get her items and she thinks its my fault even though she didn't buy insurance. So now I have to fight it. We are suppose to get the keys to the new house tommorrow. I don't have anything packed...I put up a need for help in moving small stuff with some friends and our church. I knew it was the weekend they already had this big retreat, but I thought just maybe someone. I have got three complaints about moving OUR move to more convient date. I have had this date for over two months, I don't have the money to move it. Move your fucking retreat!!!

On top of all this I am working 12 hour days because I missed due to sick baby...and labor day I don't get paid for. And you want more... My period keeps starting and stopping..I wish it would just fucking make up its mind.
UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!

ok im out.

Hana

Friday pain night

2006-08-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

So Friday's have become offical pain night. I am enjoying every minute of it. Master started out slowly, his hand pressing my back while my chest fell into the bed. His fingers tickled my inner things, slowly working their way up and around my clit. I breathed a deep sigh, and wiggled into a comft spot for soft teasing. My mouth opening slightly as Master alternately inserted his dick and fingers. I purred softly while his hands made me moist, and my body started to stir in anticpation. I felt him move off the bed, the weight gone I turned to see where he had went. My eyes saw the clothespins in his hand. He spread my legs wide, had me bend my knees to where my toes meet like a butterfly. Than he smiled while placing one, two, three, four, five, six, and than had me stand up and walk out into the living room and get him more. MORE!!?? Yes more, I waddled and sighed and got a row full. I returned to Master, and he had me lay on my belly with my ass in the air and my legs spread. He started adding more and more to my tender pussy. I lost count and started fading immediately...he pulled a bit to bring me back to him and I shivered. Master pulled my head to his dick, and I sucked easily. I did things with my mouth I was unsure I could do. I found a way to press him down, down my throat which I have never done before. My mind was completely escaping from me. Master had me back on my back again while he slowly placed pins on my nipple or around my areola. I still no idea how many, but oh the pain it was intense. He took my ankles and dragged me down the bed to our foot board. We have a low foot board with round balls for the ends. They are just perfect to fit my pussy lips on and rock my clit against. Master jammed me againist it, clips and all, and had me rock. The pain quickly vanished and he pulled another trick out of his bad. He placed my vibe on the top click and made all the clips shake. This was the top point, my ears started ringing, my legs shaking, my lips went dry, I was being smashed with his dick in my mouth while he alternately slammed the vibe in me and than pressed it on the clips. When he let me cum, I came and came. I vanished that moment into my head and stayed for quite awile. The next thing I know I was on top of Master, he was pulling on the clips on my nipples making me crawl up his stomach. I begged and pleaded and when he asked for a reason to allow him I said "So you can put more clips on" and guess what I got to cum put so did the clips. More were applied more blurred vision. My breath was so slow and deep, when he finally did press his cock in my I was so deep I didn't care. He pulled the clips off as I came...and when I was bare again he finish and rolled me onto my back. I stayed there exhausted for quite a long time...before washing and going to bed. It was a great friday night!

Hana

Levels of Slavery

2006-08-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

This is something I posted on a list I am on enjoy, I have removed his name to protect who I was speaking to:

I would like to first thank everyone who has told me how wonderful, or how much they agreed with my original post. That means a lot to me as I don’t post often because I feel that a girl should only respond when she has something to add or questions what is said and has a valid reason for asking (mainly knowledge).

Master B, I am sorry this has taken so long to respond to. Yahell ate my post yesterday right after I was done. When I tired to write it a second time my connection crashed, so I gave up and went to bed until today.

Master B you asked me to expand on my idea of the levels of lifestyle bottoms, subs, and slaves. This was in response to me saying: “ Now, there is about 8 levels between a BDSM sub and a Kajira Slave. These levels have a wide range of thoughts, limits, and rules for the girl in question. Each level brings a girl closer and closer to being a slave. BUT only a Gorean Master can make her a kajira”

Disclaimer: These levels are all my thought alone, through my experience. I may give bits of my life with them, and you may disagree. But these are the levels I either personally experienced or saw others close to me go through. That said…

This is a very long post so if you don’t like long post please just simply delete me.

Level 1: The Kinky Sub
When I was in my early teens I enjoyed many many pleasures, and constantly manipulated the men in my life to give me what I wanted while refusing what they wanted. I did this for many years, and remember fondly (which means I laugh at my silly self) my first man that I had spank me. He was the brother of the man I was dating at the time, and the man I snuck out of the house for. (For my boyfriend was a dork, but his brother was so hot….lol). We had many good times on days that school was closed, and he and I enjoyed our cat and mouse game. Times of me standing bent over while he whooped me with his cowboy belt, or chased me around the house and down the stairs threatening to beat me. I laughed and giggled and enjoyed the thrill and tease, and I was damn good at the game (I even got better at such games through my stripper days, to this day it is very difficult for me to not look at a man and try to read him…Master doesn’t like when I do it). So, the girl in this level is a sly manipulator. She is good and enjoys the dance. For it strictly is for the play and the highs she gets. She likes to be able to play “low level” and pull her wrist slightly and the knot coming out. Some stay in this place forever, and that is what is good for them. The rules here are strictly on the bottom’s end, and the top must play to these no negotiation it just is.

Level 2: The weekend sub
When I started into the world of BDSM in ’99 I truly thought this was heaven. I could play all I wanted, tell the Dom what I needed and he would tell me how he could provide it or how he wanted to adjust it. I had a safeword at all times, and SSC was my friend. I found the local clubs here through my roommate, and entered the world of Yahell chat. I still manipulated well, but the play was an equal give and take. The Dom got x while I got y. The girls here simply stick with the part-time; they may play during the week or on the weekends. But they ALWAYS take their toys and leave. The Doms in this realm are trying to gain more insight and more control. But it is really hard when the girl is gone tomorrow, next week, or next month. The rules here clearly define how part-time this is, and how the charade works. “Play by my rules or else” is the mantra.

Level 3: The classic sub
This girl wants more than just the part-time; some girls here serve day to day at minimal basis. They may serve you coffee, but there is always the wrong focus. Mostly based on their needs. I remember the first time at a play party, and how a couple took me under their wing and convinced me (not much convincing needed) to have my first scene. It was interesting, and I still look fondly on it. I remember kneeling at his feet while he “protected” me for the night, and him stroking his fingers through my hair and pulling every so often. Through this I remember looking around and watching the other subs, wondering if this is what I wanted. The girls with little red bottoms, playing roles that fit their dom. School girls, playful brats, and sassy wenches all fit in this category but there are many many more. Their thoughts are on “How can I get what I want and still seem endearing and submissive…while having fun”. The rules for the Doms contain safewords, SSC, and other such rules. Some play on the weekend, some live together, some just hide it until the events. Either way they are different than our weekenders because it is more endeared, more constant. While the weekender is only in it for the moment, the classic is in it for like a “drug-fix” they always need more.

Level 4: The long-term submissive
This girl has started to serve on a regular basis, though these are simply things. Here play is still center of her needs, but she is starting to wiggle out of just the play and enjoying minor service (drinks, food, feet rubs, etc). She may even have a pillow at his feet, but she really is back and forth. Most girls here have now become to the “equal ground” phase. The owner gets equally his needs and as she does. This is the first time contract come into play, and collars (in the true sense) get spoken of. I have many friends that live this life everyday and are truly happy. This is the moment of interest in looking over the other side, but most stay in one spot due to fear. Some girls find this place easily and it is such a safe moment in their lives most girls stay here. The owners negotiate at the beginning, and almost on a regular interval pre-setup (once a year). The girls are supposed to grow in this time, but some do not. The owner’s at this stage still give and bend a lot, excuses reign supreme…and punishment is light or non-existent. Though I have known owners to be very protective and defensive of the subs they keep on their realm (collar or not). I have seen huge wars over a subs who got out of hand and than ran to their owner, and the owner protected them. (Now I do believe that the owner has right to punish first and foremost, and that sometimes it is the owners decision not to. That is his/her right, but if the girl is throwing m&m’s and sticking her tongue out…or swaying her hips when she knows she is not to be played with by others…or making constant eye contact when she is suppose to be in high protocol. Than there should be an action taken when it is brought to the attention. Again my opinion. For all of you who don’t know what high protocol at a event is, it is where the sub is not suppose to talk or make any movement including looking at any Owner period. Unless directly told to her by her owner, and it is considered rude and against any thought of all things holy to even look at a girl in this state. And yes A LOT of subs are in this state at parties. BTW most newbies aren’t told this. I saw a almost fist fight because a new owner passed a girl in high protocol and when passing touched her arm and said “excuse me”. Something about the guy supposing to know such things, and apologizing.)

Level 5: The curious slave
This is the most risky stage a girl gets into. She takes loads more chances in this stage than others. This is also the point that a girl who has much potential can crawl back to the submissive side of life or go running forward. Which way she ends up going mostly ways heavy on the owner’s side. It is this point she is most moldable, but also most gullible. The girls you hear about that get cased in oil barrels in backyards come from this lot. These are the girls that will screw up the most, cry the most, and be scared the most. They will be the ones that fall for the line of “If you were a slave you’d x, y, or z” and fall into the trap of “slave failure” more often than not. The owners here have a huge responsibility, they must mold and have a girl that is utterly dependant on them alone. They still haven’t focus totally, and sometimes loose direction. They need lots of correction and strictness in these stages. They need to such a extreme and need to know where the lines are clearly defined. They need much direction but at the same time much understanding. Each girl is different and some strive in well-structured environments at this stage, some strive in environments that move slowly. I did a little of both, I had men in my life on both extremes. Some were bad experiences some were good. This is the first time we the pendulum start to swing towards ownership and owners. It is more about pleasing and less about oneself.

Level 6: The beginning of slavery

This phase the girls are either very timid, are head first divers. They have a taste and want more; sometimes they are in their first collar as a slave. The safe words have mostly been forgotten long ago. Their focus is shifting faster and faster away from themselves. The fears start to creep up. “Am I good enough” “What if x,y,z”? A lot of the past bad things come to surface at very bad times. (For me the first time Master looked like he was going to slap me, I went hysterical and was talking incoherently. Master retells this story, and to this day I remember seeing his hand in slow motion and the rest was just feelings a over pouring of feelings I never knew was there). The Master takes the reigns in this stage, and easily guides along the path. She can weave in and out, be he must always be there to make sure she comes back. This is also the time that most girls realize that if they don’t please they could be gone. This fear starts rearing its ugly head here.

Level 7: The Deep slave

Master and I have a very nice couple in this stage. They don’t want to be Gorean, but love and live all the other things that would make them such. They practice as close to kajira slavery as you can get, without being a kajira. There are dire consequences for actions, and there is always lessons learned. My friend here recently was falling and failing, her Master did many things to bring her back (isolation, kneeling on bottom caps, whippings, writing lines) but the one thing that sticks in my head was when she couldn’t hold her hands up any longer. He lowered himself behind her, support her body onto him, held her hands and hit them with the ruler…and as he did it he whispered in her ear “When you can’t take anymore, I will be here to support you. Comfort you…love you through it. But you will take it.” It was so powerful I still remember the tears it brought to my eyes. The rules are at the Master’s whim and each thought is derived strictly for him alone. Even when playing with others, or around others.

Level 8: The Kajira

Now we all know what this is and isn’t, and there has been much debate over this. So I won’t even begin to give my opinion here. But I am sure which each have our own definition.

Thank you all for taking the time to read such a LONG LONG post.

Again these are just my thoughts and not directed at anyone in anyway. I hope that they are found insightful and pleasing.

I wish you well,

Hana~Robert’s little flower~

The pain the PAIN OH SWEET PAIN

2006-08-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

So as you can guess I finally got the pain I need. WOO HOO...There is was much pain. Master starting out with one clothespin here, than there, than everyone. As he twisted, turn teased. His mouth found places tingle I had forgotten could tingle, and when his dick entered me with 3 clothes pins on each side of my lips I was so in deep slavespace it was such heaven. Master actually let me stay there!!!!!!!!! and even brought me down with a nice masturbation. It was great!!! Even when he yanked the pins off my lips has I came...ahhhh evil man. Thanks for all your thoughts on this...back to the moving frenzy.

Hana

In Memory

2006-08-18T08:31:00.000-07:00

Please support this...

http://www.dcroe.com/2996/

I have Mario L. Santoro, age 28.
Place killed: World Trade Center. Resident of New York, N.Y. (USA).

Hana

AVON #3

2006-08-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

My Avon is up again go check it out here...

http://stores.ebay.com/Hanas-Deep-Desired-Avon_W0QQsspagenameZMEQ3aFQ3aSTQQtZkm

LOVES AND KISSES

Hana

The weekend

2006-08-14T06:13:00.000-07:00

Well, the weekend went ok. I fell asleep Friday at 8:30 pm, I guess my body was just exhausted with the long week. About midnight I rolled over to fine Master's warm body next to me in bed. I slithered up next to him and curled in that special place that is so safe. You know the place I'm talking about, the spot partly under his arm and partly on his chest. While your legs are curled around his legs. We talked for sometime before he slowly began removing the clothing from my body. My eyes trailed down his bod to his partly hard cock, as if knowing his hand urged me towards it. My mouth engulfed him, feeling him harden in my mouth. I purred and enjoyed the taste, touch, and smell of him for a good long time. Minutes passed into hours, and when I had been pulled away I had enjoyed him for almost two hours. He rolled me over, my ass in the air, lubed me up and slammed into me. The pain was so intense, my body isntantly shut off. His hips continued their assault and my mind moaned softly and I relaxed into the motion. My hands were pinned under him, my body moving to his will. Until the moment he came and he whispered in my ear to cum as well. Master rolled me over and we cuddled into each other. I fell asleep and in the moment was over. The rest of the weekend was spent doing avon or just laying around.

Hana

The Evil Plot

2006-08-11T07:46:00.000-07:00

So I spoke to Master for a bit yesterday while he was at work. He talked and hugged me when I got home, and than went about his evening. My mind screamed "WTF" as I watched him type away on the computer, lay relaxing in his chair, or simply ignoring me when I talked to him. I was so fuming by the time I got to bed that I just wanted to sleep. When I curled up under the covers Master wiggled in next to me. His massive warm arm wrapped around my chest and I sighed. He rubbed my hair with his free hand and said "I could just beat your ass black and blue, would that make it all better?" I swear I couldn't talk. My mouth went dry, my heart raced, my mind scream sleep, but I was instantly wet. He whispered again "Nah, not tonight.....sleep we must". I was so confused and went to roll over and look at him. He simply said "Tommorrow". Now I am not sleepy at all and I inquire quite whiney like "What's tommorrow? What are you going to do to tommorrow? Tell me tell me." He just ignored me and watch tv, we talk for hours about mundane things and fell asleep. I have no idea what is going to happen tonight...but my body is such a mix of emotions. Fear, heat, warmth, sex, wet, needy, scared, gonna puke, on the verge of tears, excited, and loved these all are running through me. HE HEARD ME!!!! Yeah...I will let you know what his evil mind has planned sometime in the next couple days. Wish me luck!!!

Hana

Walls a crashing

2006-08-10T10:18:00.000-07:00

There is a couple of reasons I have been posting what some would call "fluff" for a couple days. I have tired and debated about writing about it at all, because it truly is a deep thought of mine and I still haven't truly worked it all out in my head. But I thought today maybe I should just ramble and let it lie at that.

So let's begin....

For about a month I have been feeling sick, not wanting to eat, being utterly exhausted, etc. Many thing ran through my head at the cause (stress, pregnancy, etc). When it almost came clear on Friday that I was probably pregnant I was literally cusing up and down the hall. Now please understand I desperately want another child, but now is NOT a good time. Master and I have been playing with fire, forgetting birth control or other things happening to just touch that edge. I think in some ways we do it on purpose. Then the weekend passed slowly, I told myself if by Monday I hadn't started I'd take a test. I told myself not to get disappointed if I'm not. I mean there is a huge risk of birth defects for the next year until the meds are out of Master's system. And than the job not being perm, and the house not holding another child. I mean truly FUCK. Then sunday hit and when I saw the first drop of blood, I told myself it was just because Master fucked me good that morning and so I wasn't starting. But in the end I was, and I had mixed feelings again. Master and I went through 2 years of trying for Bitty, and now that we aren't trying for some reason when I am late I starting wanting. But this time I just was a relieved and sad, I didn't cry but I wasn't happy. The rest of the night flew by, and mind drifted to the week ahead. Bitty was having her upcoming surgery on Tuesday, so I put all my worries and stress into her events. The day came and I dealt with the wicked nurse who had no name badge and wanted to take my child. Than she was suprised when I wouldn't hand her to her. I MEAN REALLY! Bitty came through just fine, though she is so clingy and cranky. She is back at the sitters today, and Mimi says she is doing fine. So were am I? Well here...inbetween a world of "I need to be beaten..." and a world of "consume my fine darkness". I have been in these places before and for some reason Master always knows and pulls me out. But this time I think I am hiding it to well, or is he just not paying attention anymore? My fears of the old days are rising, and my mind is drifting into questioning my life. I truly don't know what caused this path to form, but it has blown over me unexpectantly and I am so suprised I didn't have my shields up. So here I sit trying to figure out how I express to the man I love that I can't feel him. And what the fuck does that mean anyway? I really don't know......maybe I'll find my way...

Hana

Lifestyle and kids

2006-08-07T13:37:00.000-07:00

Since I don't want to speak about this weekend I thought I would bring a thing up that's been jumbling in my head. Kids in the lifestyle. Whether it be submissive and Dom, Master and Slave, or kink and kink couple their is almost always kids somewhere in the mix. Especially when the couple is young (Meaning under the age of 50). Master and I have kids, and before we started down this path we were VERY adament about NEVER EVER exposing the children. I was realeased from my collar during pregnancy to have Bitty (so she would be born free) and will be released again while I am pregnant with our third child. Master has set strict rules about never saying x, y, or z infront of the children; what I am suppose to call him in public and with kids, and what I am suppose to act like while the children are in presence. I placed a huge line in the sand before my collaring about punishing me infront of the baby. Master has crossed this line once, and it was simply to repremand me. But that once was enough to send me into not trusting. Hence he hasn't done it since. He will send me to the "room" or give me a look..or whatever he feels in no descript. It also depends on what I am doing...and I am rarely in trouble so it isn't often. I know Kaya has spoken of not allowing her kids exposure to the times her Master and her play. I totally agree!!!

Now that all said...why the hell would people ever expose their children to this you ask? Well some idiots believe that exposing them to this will teach them to be more dominant (if male) or more submissive (if female). I have known girls through the years who proudly proclaim that they (her and her daugthers) kneel on the floor to eat while they (husband and sons) eat at the table. That the girls don't eat until the men (see above) have eatten..etc. Than today a girl proudly stompts her chest about living with a couple (Master and Mistress) and she being submissive. The kids of this couple are 6 and 3, and they whip her right in front of the kids?!!! WTF?!! She says it's to teach the kids her position in the house, that she is just "Mommy and Daddy's slave" and that's a quote. What the hell is wrong with these people???

Don't they understand the damage and confusion and pain it could cause the children. What if the girl isn't submissive, but dominant by nature? Honestly, stop beating your chest about how EXTREME you are....and realize what you are doing is abuse to the child in question...

Now I will admit we are not totally unopen to others knowing. A lot of our friends know of Master's and my relationship. Master has repremanded me infront of them on occassions, but when we have children over there is nothing but men, women, and kids. All of our friends are our family, and all of the kids precious. I am sure we will have lifestyle friends in the future that have children. Annissa, for example, and there will be times we are "friends/family" and times that they will be over for lifestyle events Master holds in his home. I would never ever expect her Master to punish her infront of our kids (theirs and ours) and I think she wouldn't expect us to do so either. I would be total shocked if someone ever did that, and I know Master would be fuming made for exposing our children to that. I just don't understand this line of thinking....

Hana

Tagged

2006-08-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by a lovely Annissa :)

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a post with 8 facts/things/habits about yourself and say who tagged you. In the end, you will need to choose the 6 people you tag and list their names. No tag backs.

1: I am so picky about my food Master gave up ordering for me after the first date.

2: I have one single witch hair that grows out of my chin Master is constantly plucking it.

3: I drink pickle juice cause it settles my tummy, but not just any juice only Kosher Claussen’s from the fridge section.

4: I haven’t cut my hair in nearly a year.
5: I sleep with no panties on.

6: I love red heads with big tits that I can smother my face in…WEG

7: I can read a book in two days. If it’s something I really like.

8: Master brought home ice cream last night, it was my favorite kind, I took one bite and thought I was going to puke. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

and I tag…

Art

Mrs. Behavn

Kaya

Lucy

Watcher

Lady C

AVON

2006-08-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

Well, My Avon is up again. So go check it out...

http://stores.ebay.com/Hanas-Deep-Desired-Avon_W0QQsspagenameZMEQ3aFQ3aSTQQtZkm

Hana

Weird Observation

2006-08-02T06:08:00.000-07:00

So I ride the bus to and from work everyday. Most of the time I sleep on it, because I have a lonnnnnnnnngg ride. But this morning I was to entranced with this lady next to me. I mean she is always weird, but today was a big weird. She was wearing this hot pink tank top, with a bright red bra (that I could see the straps) and this yellowy green skirt with flowers. But this is not what made this unusual, I am looking at her trying to figure what is so OFF about this women. My eyes trail down her nexck, as her hair is up today, and I notice a tattoo. I tilt my head a bit, looking at it and blinking. I am tried, so I am not sure I am seeing clearly. After it doesn't change I realize she has tattoo'd numbers in the back of her neck. Like barcode numbers....oooo33453256000...I was so lost. WTF? why would anyone do that? Than I thought maybe she was "tagged" or "branded" as such. I look at this lady, I mean really look, she is a good looking girl (other than her weird clothes) and about my age. I just stare the whole way, almost afraid to move....but also to shaken to ask if she is a slave or what...So I get off still looking at her..and here I am wishing I asked.

Weird but true

Hana

Why Blog

2006-07-31T13:47:00.000-07:00

So I have been really thinking abou this....why do I blog. Kaya brought it up the other day in her post. I was still kinda mulling it. You see Master and I live together, our computers are in the same room. He knows I blog and all, and that I talk to people on the net. Then we were talking about it the other day cause he asked me "Who were you bitching out on your blog the other day"...I was so confused because I write both here and on blogger. Than I realized he was talking about art, this guy who at first seemed like a jerk and I told him off. But than it sort calmed and I realized he was just curious and didnt know how to approach the subject with me. New people can get chastised for asking the wrong stuff, though they think it's the innocent quesiton. I wrote awhile back about one of Master's friends, his ex found out and through a fit about what I was writing about. When his friend got all up Master's face about "if he was a real Master he would punish me" Master just laughed. He said if he didn't want me to post (meaning his friend) than he should have not done what he did with me. LOSER...anyway...Master and I talk about how when I started writing it was suppose to be "my space" where I can write my thoughts. He says it's the only place I have that's just mine. He allows me this luxury because he wants me to have a place to rant, yell, cry, whine, etc...he thinks it is healthy for our relationship. But he knows that I talk to him about the important stuff. Most of what I write is rambles in my head, stuff I don't think of sharing. At one point I thought I would start an erotic story again, but I haven't found a way to do that I like yet. Maybe I will maybe I won't...but the point is..This is my space. I can write whatever I want, no matter what, and never get punished. Because if he wanted to know he says he would just turn around and ask me.
That's why I write, cause it's a relief and it gets me practicing at writing. Maybe one day I'll finish the books I started. One never knows.
Hana

So confused

2006-07-28T09:48:00.000-07:00

Ok maybe I am just completely wacko, but I am on this slave list. The list is a list all in all. There are some male slaves, some female, some subs. I have been very tolerant of this list, because it ask good questions most of the time and is local. So one of the questions today way this...

What if your Master is fisting you, and you look up to see he is intently watching TV while he's at it.What would you do?How would you feel?

The girl's responses totally shocked me....One said "Being honest, i'd feel horrible. my thoughts would be "how on earth can He be more interested in watching TV than in the fact that He's elbow deep inside me?" My response would likely be something totally outside of my slavery, such as staring at Him until His eyes returned to me and then saying, "sorry my pussy around Your arm is disturbing Your TV viewing...SIR" ROFL ...okay...no i wouldn't say it...but i for darn sure would think it!! What i'd actually do, is likely get pouty" Another said" But hypothetically - slave or not - he'd one hell of a time getting my full attention the next time he wanted to 'play'. Pretty much, it's the equivalent of taking a dump and reading a magazine. Talk about totally not valued at all"

Ummm WHAT THE FUCK?!!! Someone please explain to me how the hell they think they are not manipulating their men if they think like that. I know I am going to create a war on this list but I replied with...umm..I am sorry but I so don't agree on this. A slave is there to please, period. If that means that he has his arm in my pussy pounding away while watching tv. So be it..it doesn't bother me at all. Actually it turns me one (though I have never been fisted by Master). Master has on many occassion, talked on the ohone, watched tv, had me talk on the phone, talked to other people, read a book, or chatted on im...all while fucking, teasing, or toying with me. I have never once thought it was bad. I seriously think that being a slave means your a slave. You don't get to have his full attention every secondant. That means that if he wants to fuck you while completely ignoring you than that is just the way it is. I think your priority should be, being his fuck whole. To me, doing as you described (removed name for safety of poster), is topping from the bottom. I would really rethink were my submission lied if I did something like that. Now, I am not saying I am perfect or that I have not said things to Master. Cause boy have I ever. But it has never been abou t sex, it has always about the mundane (dishes, house clean, etc)

Am I the only one who thinks what the girls was so WRONG? Someone help me....

Hana

Question 26 & 27

2006-07-28T09:31:00.000-07:00

These are from Lady Callah~

What's your favorite toy?

My favorite are floggers. There is something about them, wrapping/not-wrapping, heavy/not heavy, hard/soft, that just make me wet and needy with just looking at them..Heaven pure heaven.

(On a side note: if anyone knows a good flogger site, where I can buy Master a good one. Please let me know)

How often do you get to do what YOU want to do, instead of what others want?

I think I get to more often than I want to say I do. I do LOTS for others (Master, kids, church, etc.) but if I tell Master or I say "I need a bath, I need to sleep" Master understands and lets me. Sometimes he is just in a spoiling mood and lets me pick the movie or choose the restaurant. Sometimes he just is in a weird mood, and lets my whining be ignored as I go around grumbling about hurricanes living in my house and needing some space. So in the end I do a lot I want to, but I have a lot of time eatten away but what I would rather not do. So in retrospect I get about a hour a day maybe that is just mine...the rest of the day is someones somewhere.

Hana

Questions 21~25

2006-07-28T08:56:00.000-07:00

This was asked by pepes_slave over at LJ

What is your favorite song?

I love music...every song sings to me in different ways. I have a song for when the cancer finally takes Master, one for when we were apart for so long, and one for when I am sad. So it's really hard to choose just ONE favorite.
I think I will pick "I hope you dance" by Lee Ann Womack

Do you like South Park?

No I think it's stupid

How do you laugh (is it a little giggle, guffaw, that type of thing)?

It depends on what I am laughing at...mostly giggle sometimes chuckle and sometimes (though Ihave weeded it out through the years) until I snort

How often do you laugh?

As much as I possibly can

Hana

Hectic Hell

2006-07-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

Ok my life has been kinda hectic over here, I am sorry I haven't posted a real blog in a bit. I really didn't think you want to read about the everyday workings of my life. I don't get much readers on those post, so I stopped writing them. But a good friend encouraged me to..so here goes. Monday and Tuesday were spent dressing, cleaning, cooking, and working. I really had little time to do anything else. I have spent most of the week searching for a baby-sitter for a dinner party tonight. Than we do finally find one, Master decides he would rather go to a movie. Good! The food is to expensive at the place they are going anyway ($18.95 for shrimp cocktail REALLY). So yesterday I spent stressing over whether or not this lady who wripped me off on avon will pay me back. She keeps yelling and calling me all kinds of names and hanging up. My district manager called her last night and got her convinced to pay me about half of what she owes me. When I spoke to her today for the three seconds before she hung up, she told me I ruined her life. Please tell me how I did that? I mean honestly, you took product from me in good faith, you said you would pay me. You didn't, and when you didn't I took it to my manager (who you wanted to talk to in the first place) and now you tell me that I RUIN YOUR LIFE????!!! Umm how? By making you pay me what you owe me? By getting on you about paying it? I mean really? And she says she is a godly women....I have no comment there because I shouldn't judge. My manager says she lost her mother and that was really hard on her...I am truly sorry for that I have no idea what that's like. But that doesn't change the fact that you owe me 200 dollars, I mean honetly. Than our fridge dies last night. I spean all night and this morning worring about it. Come to find out that the stuff breaker clicked itself off. That apartment really needs to be rewired. And I have a month from hell this month with trying to make the money to pay basically three months worth of rent...UGH!! I am so stressed, someone fuck me or beat or something...I need to scream, cry, and yell damn it!!!

Ok there now you have heard my week so far. Master says I do this everytime we move. He says he just sits back out of the storm until its over. I HATE MOVING!!!!

Anyway laters,

Hana

PS if you want to help me with 100 questions please ask me something and I'll
answer.

PPS Question 20 came through from live journal..here is the question:

How do I handle stress? This was asked by pepes_slave...Really I dont do much, I have sex mostly. But when that's not forthcoming than I try to take long baths, or moments outside reading. If that doesn't happen either than I get bad stomach aches for days and feel like I'm going to puke every second. Or am just exhausted mostly. That's where I am right now, sick feeling, wanting to be beaten...all I can do is what for it to pass.

Questions 16 - 19

2006-07-26T19:06:00.000-07:00

This is for slave lucy, please her go check her out she is so cute. Lucy, I didn't know we were the same age. Though I am not a submissive I am Gorean slave. If you want the difference it will have to be in a different post. As for your questions, here you go: (and they are tough ones)

What has been your biggest reality check in life?

I know I have said this before, but I think Master being diagnosed with cancer so young. The time was the worse (though thre is no right time) as bitty was only 2 months old and premature.

What is your sensitive area on your body?

My pussy is the most sensitive, it is allergic to eveything, gets infections real easy, and doesnt like to be invaded.

3) Favorite childhood memory?

hmm that's really hard, cause I don't really know if I have one as a child. All the good came with really bad stuff....

I think the best I had was when I stayed at my grandpa's. He had small kittens and neighborhood cats. I would go out in his backyard and try to save the baby kitties each spring. Giving them baths, washing there eyes, finding their mommy so they could eat, etc. My grandpa always let me do whatever, and I loved it there it was so happy even when quiet.

worst habit?

Hmm habit..thinks...gosh these are tough. I think my worse habit is bitting my bottom lip or fidgiting when I'm nervous...

Ok they are getting tougher...who's next?

Hana

Questions 12-15

2006-07-25T08:27:00.000-07:00

Annissa~

I just have one word for you "BITCH". Ok now that it is said let me answer your evil questions:

what is the one thing you want right this moment more than anything else?

The first thing that comes to my head is being into the house, I really hate moving and would love to be there. The other thing is knowing my job is not going anywhere. For I really need the job, and I won't find out if I am perm until Oct. Keep your fingers crossed

who inspires you most and how?

Inspiring hmmm...that is a really tough one, manly because I don't really follow anyone's set life or look at anyone in envy. Everyone tends to ask me "how to" so I have never really looked at the reverse. But if I had to choose someone it would be this lady that runs our Sunday school class. We will call her Italy or "I" for short to not reveal her to the world. She has four boys, the last one was unplanned, and she is deep in faith. Even though she has had a admin walk out on her in the midst of her staying home for the summer, financial hardships, having to pull her older boys out of private school, and endless burdens of committing to different things. But everytime I talk to her she "has it together", though she swears to me that just isn't so. I am inspired because she is so deep in faith, such a good mother (knows when to spank and when to just listen), and a excellent wife. I, on the other hand, fall short in my bible time, have a stressful fit when my two year old screams at the top of her lungs, and tell Master to just "fucking get your shoes off the couch I just fucking scrubbed clean"...LOL

who are your crushes... people you would do something down and dirty with in a heartbeat if you could?

Ok, I am going to be honest. Though I could just not tell you. *Grumbles and whines* There is a guy in our group of men..well two...but this one particular I have "lusted" after so heavily since first we met. He knows I like him, and so taunts me relentlessly whenever we are around each other. When we do play he gives "some" but denies me other pleasures and it drives me insane. For example, last party I was laying in his lap with my head drapped againist his belly and chest. He leaned down and within inches of my lips breathed on me..HE FUCKIN BREATHED...it drove me nuts. Then he just sat back up. Or he will slide his hand across my tummy, act like he is going for my puss, and then turn down my inner thigh instead or stop touching completely.

The other one I like there, he is a excellent flogger and totally no play. I want it, he knows it, and gives me as much as he can without fucking me. It is great! Intense, and delicious. Though he is D/s, so when we play I have to remember that he is asking "x,y,z...or how I am or what I want" beecause he doesnt know me and he is SSC and all that comes with that.

There was a girl I use to have a crush on but she betrayed me..so she's out. There is also I girl I play with regularly, but I am not "physically" attracted to. A is very dominant/sweet personality. She says things to you matter of factly, and though that is great for play, and she is a GOOD player, it is not so great for friendships. I get more deeply involved with Dom women who I am deeply connected to as friends.

There is one other person who I have such a deep crush on, even before her picture, but I would never admit it UNTIL NOW. (Thank you again Annissa), I am not going to reveal her name, I think from my reaction, she knows who she is. So I will leave it at...but her I could sit between her legs for hours. Her I could fall forand never get up...her is what I have always wanted in another girl for Master. Unfortuantely, or fortuantely, she's taken. So we will just have to see how it all plays out in the end. And YOU ALL will just have to read about it some other time.

what is your favorite bad for you food?

Since I have such a high metabolism I really don't have a "bad" food. But since Master has been sick, I have been trying to eat more healthy. Since I am allergice to milk, and most everything has milk in it...I am constantly eating bad foods. I would have to choose my homemade choclate pudding pie. It is oreo cookie crust, with two layers of pudding, and oreo cookies crushed inbetween the layers, and cool whip on top.

That's all for now....

Hana

Questions 8-11

2006-07-24T19:44:00.000-07:00

What is the best perk of power exchange for you and what would you take out if you could?

The best perk of power exchange for me is all the sex, and it is not just normal sex. When it is good it is good, and he can just look at me and make me so wet...ohh yeah!!!

I would remove, that's a hard one, the fakes and abusers. Like they should have a sign or something. BUT really if I could I'd remove the stares from others, the fear that I am being abused (so I cant tell anyone, or forbid...SM is just devil worship you know.)

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

I see myself home with my kids: V (my oldest), Bitty (my youngest), and Eli (my baby we are hoping to have next year)....in a nice house in the cool air..Maybe in Colorado or something. Just enjoying life, and being "us"

what makes you feel most submissive?

When I am just going through my day and I brush my hair away and feel my collar.

Why did you start your journal and has it worked for the reasons you started it?

I started this after Master got sick, and I just couldnt find a way to get all my rage, tears, fustration, and thoughts out. It was actually my idea and still is. Master doesn't make me write, though he reads on occassion. It was made for me, and really no one to read. But than I invited people and dove deep into their lives, I wanted to share more about my self. And so it began....

Questions 1~7 of 100

2006-07-24T13:02:00.000-07:00

These were asked by art:

1) Favorite color?

My favorite color is Purple

2) Favorite place to vacation?

I haven’t gone on vacation, a real vacation (which means lasting more than 2 nights), ever. But Master and I would like to take the girls through Europe. I would love to see Italy.

3) What is the one thing you cannot live without?

The one thing I can’t live without…hmm I think being loved. But if it was a material thing I would say it’s a tie. I always told Master that if we had a fire, after grabbing kids and pets, I would grab a suitcase at put in it our wedding album, V’s (my oldest) video tapes from when she was a baby, and Bitty’s blanket (I crocheted it for her and it was first attempt she goes no where without it).

4) Any ‘odd’ quirks?

Other than grinding my teeth, I am not really sure. OH WAIT~ I laugh when I am nervous. So when Master is punishing me I have a tendency to laugh or giggle. It took him a bit to understand I wasn’t doing it on purpose, I never knew I did it (or realized it) until I got this lifestyle.

5) You can change any two things you want to, what do you change and why?

That’s really hard because the two things off the top of my head that I would change have such bad side-effects:

The first thing was Master not having cancer, but I think if he hadn’t of been dying Master and I would never be as close as we are now. OR as close to God as we are. I, also, don’t think I would be collared now either.

The second is not moving in with my dad after my oldest was born, when he offered, because I was stubborn and it cost my child in many ways. Though Master keeps reminding me if I would have had a 4 yr old at home when I was suppose to cross paths with him, we may have never met.

But I know each choice and decision comes with lost in some way.

6) Favorite season,(time of year)

I love winter, when I was living in Mass as a small child I lived at the top of hill in a small town. My friends and I would slide down on our snowsuits to the bottom to get to school. It was the best time I ever had.

7) You have to give up tv or radio, which and why?

I would give up radio, as I am addicted to BB7

Ok who's next?

Hana

100 questions

2006-07-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

Ok I want to try this hundred question thing. So if you have a question just leave it in the comments and I will post the answer on my blog. You can ask me anything.....

LOL....I probably wont make it to 100 but hey it maybe fun..

Hana

Please check this out

2006-07-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

This women is remarkable..check here out...

http://poetic-acceptance.blogspot.com/

The best weekend ever!

2006-07-24T07:20:00.000-07:00

UGH!!! Blogger Hates me I had such a good post, and now I don't know if I want to rewrite it...sighs...OK here goes

Friday night started out talking to a dear friend over IM. It was wonderful to finally connect with her, and have the time to get to know each other. This was immediately followed by Master lingering his hand on my inner thigh. Our eyes meet and I knew that devilish look was going to overtake me. His hands began their torturing dance over my nipples, twisting my body, kissing my lips, nippling my neck, spreading words through my ear (scank, whore, cunt), my body arching and responding with each moment of change or pain. He leaned back and watch as he tormented me, his eyes never leaving my body. When his hand hit my pussy, and his voice told me to roll over I was defintely needy. His cock plunged into me then, no warning or caressing. My body clamped shut, I breath as his words open my cunt farther for him. His hands found my still tender nipples torturing, pulling, and pressing with each thrust until I open for him. He forced his cock deep to the hilt, bouncing it inside me. My mind fuzzed, minutes turned into hours.....I engulfed my self in the ecstasy as he told me to "cum" each time he demanded my pussy to convulse until he was done with me.

I came out of my haze smelling of sweat, cum, and hot...Master lifted me and placed me in a warm bath. Encouraging me back to him with each press of the sponge on my body. I was so in heaven. Master allowed me to sleep on Saturday, and sleep in I did. Each hour spent in dreamland, when I did awake I was recharged and cleaned half of the house until it sparkled. I am trying to get ahead of the terrible "moving cleaning". I found one of my clothespins, and playfully teased Master with putting it on his bare chest. He over came me in a playful wrestle and put it on my clit. I screamed in my mind, but it really is nothing compared to nipples. I have no idea why that it is, but I will not question the pain gods. OF COURSE, when he said "Come here and let me help you" and twisted and pulled until it snapped off it no longer didn't hurt. I was soaked down leg just by one small clothespin?! The afternoon was spent at his parents, while the evening was spent eatting appetizers from a local restaurant. The late night was covered in his pouncing of my naked flesh, using me before I could even catch my breath and sending me on my way.

Sunday was the norm, Church and Master going to D&D. I had a long conversation with my dad. He actually complimented me, amazing! He said "You are such a good mother, I am so proud of you" . We talk for hours, it was good and I enjoyed it. I am so GLAD now that Master made me open the communication lines, as my father has changed so much over the past 5 years. Thank you Master for knowing how to help me through this.

Bitty and I spent a cool evening playing and talking, her trying to pronounce the words I was saying. She gets tubes put in on Aug 8, and her adnoids taken out. Everyone keeps telling me it will help so much.

Thats was my weekend!

How was yours?

Hana

this side of heaven

2006-07-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

So Annissa put a tag up on her blog it was 10 things about 10 people. I think I am going to try it though I don't think I have ten readers so here goes:

1) My heart aches for you, I know how precious life is and I wish I was close to make it all better.

2) Your innocence makes me smile, and remember the first seeds of this life. It is good to remember the beginning.

3) Your world from the moment you arrived on this planet was so distructive, I read your life and sometimes feel like I am going to puke from the moments. Than I read you today and see how it affected you, and I wish I could wipe out any chance of this ever happening to someone else. You show me so much strength, I realize my problems aren't so big.

4) Updated ~revealed~ MsBehavn : My name sake is so cute, you will have to post more pictures when she is older.

5) Updated ~revealed- Art : Your comments make me angry one minute, and laugh the next. You add the spice to my blog.

6) Updated ~revealed~ Annissa: Your service, stregth, love, spirit, and just plain personality amazes me each and everyday. I am so glad to have found you.

7) Updated ~revealed~ Kaya: Your unshyness makes me laugh so hard I think I am going to pee...No matter what it is you don't hold back. I truly need a friend like you...thank you for finding me.

8) You the lurker, I am not sure if you still read this blog. But if you do please know I am sorry

9) You are strong and give me a whole different view of my world. Sometimes you open my eyes, and sometimes my jaw just drops in suprise. But no matter what you are true to youself and the others in your life. THank you for being you

and finally...

10) Update: Lady Callah ~ You know I just stumbled across your blog, but you make me think.

Well have fun guessing..and yes I will tell you if you guess right.

Hana

HNT

2006-07-20T08:19:00.000-07:00

OK I thought I would put up a quick HNT. This was at a play party of "girl's only" But before you get to see the pic you have to go and check out my avon for sell here: http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQfgtpZ1QQfrppZ25QQsassZkenshiQ5flari If you would like any avon that is not there let me know: Now onto the naked..

HNT HAPPY HNT

2006-07-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

Fun oh so fun

2006-07-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"

And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And woman gained
pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese.

And there was ice cream for dessert. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak from Cracker Barrel (If you don't know what this is you don't in the south. It is the BEST home cooking restaurant EVER!!!) so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming withnutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed, and created quadruple bypass surgery, angioplasties,
and stints . . . . .

And Satan?

Satan created HMO's...

This is so funny I had to share with all the diets and such going around..

Hana

Update

2006-07-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

So the bank is working with us and reversing half the charges, thank you bank! Master wanted to get laid last night, and I just did the BJ thing because Master said I didn't look "into it". I probably looked like a zombie.

BTW I am putting some avon up so if anyone is interested go to

http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQfgtpZ1QQfrppZ25QQsassZkenshiQ5flari

they are all under kenshi_lari

anyway you can also go here to buy some to...

www.youravon.com/cherisselewis

I have nothing more to say...

Loves

Hana

What a gloomy day

2006-07-18T10:02:00.000-07:00

So last night I right the check to the sitter, thinking there is no way in hell it will go in before Tuesday night. So I go get the difference (about 35 dollars) to put in the bank today. BUt what did happened was not what I expected, and hence the check went through last night. Our particular bank puts the checks through first and then the debit payments. Which means they make more money off of us, because instead of one fee of $36 dollars...we now have four fees. Of course we don't have the money for the four fees, since we are moving into a new place and deposits and stuff. I called Master immediately in tears, and all he said was "you should have put the money in last night". Sigh...I don't know what I am going to do. I am sure you guys don't want to hear my financial problems, but I don't know what else to write about. I just so down on so many levels I can't pull myself up. It isn't even about being punished...I am just so diappointed...

such a glumy day today I just want to go to bed...

Hana

The weekend

2006-07-17T06:51:00.000-07:00

Master and I had a wonderful weekend. We laughed, swam, and went looking for a house. We did finally find one, it is perfect (though small). But it is defintely bigger than what we live in now. And once we out grow it here than we can make a move to a bigger place, maybe in Carrollton. Now we have the long task of moving, and pack and all that

VBS day two and sex

2006-07-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

Ok here I am again bored at worked. So here goes...

Vbs day two was a lot looser, and a lot more organized!!!! WHOO HOO! But we did have a slight problem at one of the slides. They choose 12 children out of the group to do a object lesson on cleansing feet as servants, and how it relates to cleanse your heart when you have sinned and find Jesus. It was a big hit, and all the kids loved it! After it was over the kids who did the demo got to get ahead on the sidewalk and make it up the slide faster. While they were waiting to get the clue to go up the slide, they asked the adult close to them about explaining what just did. The adult starts to explain in hush tones, because the lady teaching the lesson is still talking giving the clue and such. She stops, the lady teaching the lesson, and turns to the adult and tells her to "BE QUIET". The adult goes into explaining what she was doing, and the lady says "I don't care, you all need to BE QUIET" (and no neither person was me, I would have probably taken the ladies head off, but that is neither here nor there). I was such in a state of shock, that here we were suppose to be in a fun envirnoment so the kids could feel "safe" about asking questions. And what happens! Some adult tells them to shut up...how ridiculous. So as we are walking up the slide I talk to one of the kids that was in the lesson, and is also one of the "cool, pretty girl" I am guiding. I am explaining it to her as we are waiting in line...and I plant the seed. But I feel bad for the other 11 kids who never got to here this...so I bring it to the organizer in a email today. We will see how the response is.

After that adventure, I went home got the baby fed, washed, and in bed. Then I went and washed myself. Off into the folds of our huge down comforter. IT was snuggly I went right to sleep. I had sleeping soundly dreaming of christmas presents for Master (It's a side joke). My eyes shot open, the room was dark and my head was still encouraging me to go back to sleep. Something was wrong, and I was trying to gain senses enough to decifier it. His hand hovered over me about that time, our lips meeting my sleepy mind still confused. I blink a bit, starting to move my limbs slowly. A familiar smell lifted to my nostrils, I made a scrunchy face (this is were my nose and lips curl) and tried to pull myself from the dream world. That is when I felt it, wet, dripping my thighs. I thought did I pee on myself....I looked curiously at Master as his head was laying on my tummy. I blinked a few times and watch almost in slow motion as Master's fingers got a hold of my nipples. He turned hard one way and then the other, his big hands enveloping all of my nipple in one easy movement. That is when I realized I was wet from him playing with me. He arched his body slowly, covering me with his shadow completely, I slide legs apart without thinking. That is the moment he plunged into me, my back arching so deeply my mind went blank. His thrust become more insane and faster with each moment. His blue eyes meet mine, he leans in and whispers in my ear "Look at the slut, even when asleep you drip for me" I shiver and moaned in response. Each second seemed like minutes, each minute went on for hours. Our body meshing into one, my mind drifting in and out of conciousness. His hand finding my mouth, and shoving his finger inside. I lick them insanely like I have taught, I suck and moan and whimper from behind his fingers. He ignores me and contiues to thrust with such fury, and in the moment I think I can hold it no longer. He meets my eyes and says "Cum for me bitch" and I do. I cum and cum and cum, my walls pressing on him with each wave. His cum immediately fills my pulsing cunt, and I know that he is well satisfied. He pulls out slowly, lightly pats me on the ass and rolls over to go back to sleep. I am left in a place between dream, needing, and awake. I stay like that until I come down and than I sleep like the dead. I finally got to cummmm...yea and thank the heavens. I am happy slut

Hana

The start of VBS

2006-07-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

ok so I lied, I do find time to post anyways. LOL VBS was a chaos zone last night. Though Master and I got three girls and two boys to guide around the water park. They are all going into 4th grade, I think that makes them about 9 or 10. We had two girls that were friends, they so reminded me of what the "cool, pretty girls" were probably like at that age before they were the "cool, pretty girls". Very sweet girls, and talked a lot. But they listened well. The compliants with the event scheduling was so beyond what I thought it would be. First off they had over 400 extra kids sign up yesterday as walk-ins last minute. That means we got over 40 kids we weren't expecting in third grade. Some grades got as large as 120. They set you up to do 15 min rotations through the story/activity and then down the slides. All this in 15 min. I knew it was going to be bad when we got stuck in the grass (IN TEXAS MIND YOU) and the story ran over 15 mins. I mean hello can you say 80 people (with adults) whining and talking about chickers and ants doesn't really get the story of God across to the kids. I told Master that they should have the story in the cabana, and than sent the kids on their way through rotations of slides. But that is not how it went, we did the story first in the grass. Than over to our first slide, which went half way ok. All our kids got down first, because I am pushy Bitch and made sure my kids the rafts they needed. Than we moved to the cabana, were they where suppose to provide snacks. It ended up being animal crackers (for third graders) and no water?! What the heck? I mean really it's Texas in mid summer, even at night it's 85 degrees. So, I ran our kids up to the water fountain and let them drink. Then we raced to the next slide, where again we did a activity that took 10 mins atleast. Have you ever tried to get 80 ppl down four slides saftely in 5 min? It just doesn't happen. Some of the glides didn't even let their kids ride because we were switching places before they got the chance. I let mine ride though, cause again I am a pushy Bitch. My kids are going to get the fun they came to get. Than we went to a small area that has watering mushrooms an leap pads. No sooner did we get there and into a line for the leap pads. When were told to get out and go to where we began at. They hurried through a wrap-up, and then raced us to the sidewalk. Where "runners", teenagers were suppose to get cards from the lines were the parents were at the gate. Then these "runners" were suppose to run down to the grade and yell out the kids names. UMMM...that so didn't happen. It was total and complete chaos. Have of our thrid was on one and half on the other. People were talking so loud even when you screamed a child's name they couldn't hear you sometimes. The "runners" have the time spoke in low tones that sounded like mice. Sometimes the parents would get so fustrated they would come down and snag their kids. My two little girls were last, and they thought they were going to be left their all night. Poor babies! I tried to reassure them that their ride would pick them up. Eventually, we got a runner who came for them. I was so worried they were going to cry first. I hope tonight goes better. Keep your fingers crossed.

Hana

Pics

2006-07-11T10:01:00.000-07:00

I know I said I wasn't going to post again...but I found some of the Corpus pics so here ya go...

What my body needs!

2006-07-11T09:12:00.000-07:00

You know I am so crazy busy I really don't have time to really blog, but after reading Master Enigma's post here I know what my body has been silently craving for weeks and weeks. It's the need for him again, the feeling of his control, of his pain, of his hand stretching me, of his fingers sliding over my mouth, of his manness entering me. I need to fill him, though I know it probably won't be until this weekend. My body won't shut these feelings out. Master is not helping any, he is upping the anty. He knows I haven't cum in over two weeks, and last night as I helping Bitty up the stairs his trailing his fingers under my cotton panties and just barely gracing my needy pussy. Oh how he tortures me...oh how he has made me the girl I am. I am sure my dear readers can not even imagine a shy girl of 5 years ago, that wouldn't even say cunt. Who would cover her ears at the sounds of words like slut, pussy, and dick. Can you imagine that? I will have to post some pictures of me 5 years ago, and me today and let you get a glimpse at me before Master. I am wanting to post some pictures from corpus, but I keep forgetting to bring them to work.

Dear readers when your having the best orgasm in the world this week, think of me. For maybe it will ease the tension I feel.

Wish everyone a wonderful week.

Hana

The weekend, and Death

2006-07-10T15:12:00.000-07:00

the weekend went absolutely the best it could have. Master, R, Bitty, and me all went to Six Flags. We had a great time, Bitty is just old enough to enjoy the kids rids. I took her to the bumper cars, carousel, and the trucks that run on a track. She was laughing, smiling, and ohhhing. I am so glad she had fun. Master and R went on some roller coasters that they had to wait in long lines for. I don't roller coasters, so they had fun while I watched Bitty. I went on this spinning hat, and Master had Bitty watching. She got all scared because she thought I was being hurt. Master couldn't get her to calm down. Poor Baby :(

Master's father's sister's husband passed away on Saturday night. We tried all day sunday to get a hold of his dad. Master finally got a hold of him today. My avon district leader had a death in the family, and she had to run off to take care of that. Then Annissa from here, her girl's step-mother is passing probably this weekend. I feel so sad for her, I wish we were closer. Maybe it's just the weekend. I guess everyone has to pass at the same time or something.

Anway I have VBS all week with the 3rd graders at a waterpark, so I don't how much typing I'll get in. But I'll try to keep in touch.

Lots of Loves,

Hana

Blist

2006-07-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

Last night was wonderful, Master and I sat on the couch and watched tv. We laughed and tickled Bitty....and we made plans for the weekend. I can't wait! We are going to make a run to six flags and spend the late afternoon and early evening enjoying the rides. Lots of fun to be had I am sure!!! I think Master is going to go see Pirartes of the Carribean 2 with some friends tonight, he should have lots of fun. Is anyone watching big brother 7 or Supernova (Rockstar)? If so who you cheering for? I am so tv addicted....LOL

Have a great weekend!

Hana

The stress of life

2006-07-06T07:29:00.000-07:00

So Master and me had a bit of a tif last night. Bitty was completely fussy with her teeth (cutting her 2 year molers) and having to be woken up twice to go someplace. I was trying to put her into bed, and looking all over the place for her night light. (On a side note: When Master is home with the kidos the house becomes a war zone. I know this and should be prepared, but everytime it drives me nuts). So, I have to put the screaming child down to go search for the light she pulled out of the wall. Master is looking, and I guess Bitty chunked her sippy cup over the kiddy gate and it exploded all over the title floor. This all unknown to me, due to the fact that I am in her bedroom on the other side of the house looking for the light. Master yells down the house..."What the heck is this?" I don't answer cause I figure he is talking to himself....I mean how would I know I am on the other side of the house. He yells again about something on the floor and did I do this? Me? Why the heck would I , and what would I be doing? He explains later that he thought I was so pissed I threw the cup at him? That so doesn't make sense, since I have never thrown anything at him (mad or not). But this is what he thought. I yell back down the hall, "I really have no idea, I am looking for the light". For some reason this doesn't compute as a answer to him..and he continues to yell. I finally find the light, get the baby and bed..and off to the Master I go. This is when I realize that what he is yelling about is the spilled milk on the floor. So I walk past him, get a rag and wet it to get it off the floor. He is upset now, and I just completely ignore it. I probably shouldn't have, but I'm upset and I am trying to not take his head off. He reacts by pulling on my hair and fussing about ignoring him...and than storms off. Now, let me stop it here and say that Master has never hurt me EVER. But because of my past, when Master even slightly goes physical for punishment I tend to have a problem handling it. In the past I have gone hysterical....but in this situation I just stood there took a couple of breaths and started to clean the floor. Master came over and helped me, and then I went for a walk and got the mail. Then I ate dinner, and went and sunk into a bath. Master came in and we talked for a good 1 hour or two. Master expressed how upset it made him that I didn't respond, when I explain that I had. He than talk to me about how in situations like this he feels conflicted about which avenue to take. He says it's so hard to know and read me in those situations, to try to find the degree of what I can take and what the right action is to take. It's not that he doesn't think there is a action that should be taken, there is just so many choices. I appoligized and told him I should have come over and seen, and expressed my fustrations and gave suggestions in my mind of what could have worked. But it is hard for me because I am slave...and he is Master. We have tried mentors in the past, and they have never worked out. So as I told Master, he is going in blind, and in doing so he takes a huge risk each time he does something (control, sexual, etc). But that it is the only way to find out how to become who he wants to be, and for me to become what he wants me to be. That there are going to be times that this happens, and all you can do is learn. He talked to me for a long time and I talked back with my opinions and then he gave me a bath. He hasn't done this since I was pregnant. I truly enjoy it, but we just haven't had the time. He washes me, hair and body...and than shaves my legs and puss. It is so relaxing. He than wraps a towel around me, and lets me dry off. He finishes it off by brushing my hair. It is in these intimate moments that I find his love, and know how hard it is for him. I know this journey in the end will reap great rewards...but last night was a upside down in a roller coaster. Such is life sometimes...maybe someday we will both have someone close that we can confide in. I truly hope so..

Hana

I'm Home

2006-07-05T15:09:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone out there!!!! I am finally home. We had a great time. It rained the whole time, off and on. But Master pushed me to go out and have fun. It was a great time! We went to the aquarium, and spent three hours watching the kidos eyes light up. Than spent a afternoon on the beach..and running through the water. It wasssss soooo funnN! I am so glad we went, even with the long drive..and the fussy kids. The Bitty caught a virus but she seems to be doing well now. I missed you all.....biggg HUGGGGS!!!

Hana

A big relief

2006-06-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

SO as Master and I lay down to go to sleep last night I finally got up the nerve. I poured out all my fears, and was crying non stop. He held me, and listen and told just the right words. Sure we are only going to be gone a couple days, but it is away from here. Yes its a long drive with a 2 year old, but it will be worth it when she is smiling on the beach. All these things made it better. We cuddled for a very long time, and he told me how wonderful I am. How that just because I can't be perfect doesn't mean I'm a failure. My father did a lot of mental damage to me. So after I got my crying over with I started tickling Master. I just love how cute his laugh is when I'm tickling him. He tickled me back, and back and forth we went. IT was great fun. And it lightened the mood. We did this "lick or bite" game. It's were Master puts a body part in front of me and I can either lick or bite...But then he gets to choose one. It's great fun. Of course I ended up licking his dick, and biting just a bit. Than I closed my eyes, his dick hardening in my mouth. I slowly swallowed and enjoyed. Just thinking about it now make me oh so wet. You need to experience this moment at least once in your life. You laying under this strong man, with his dick in your mouth. It slowly growing and expanding. The smell of him close toy our nose. At that moment close y our eyes, relax into it and it will be bliss. So, Master starts playing with my nipples, slowly at first. He removes his dick, and calls me slutty names. Placing his fingers between my lips on my mouth. I enjoy this moment to, because it is like telling him what I want to do without saying a word. I use and do to his fingers what I would I would do to his dick. Master says he started it to muffle my moans and screams....(I can't use gags due to my asthma). ...but than I started enjoying it..and it made him excited to watch my face. Needless to say we kept it in our sex practices. As time passed he would pull my nipples harder and harder, my body just was in heaven. I thought to myself..."Yes..Pain..Please" But I never expressed these thoughts to Master before. Now before I go on, I do absolutely love pain. But for me, the pain (harsh pain like from candles or nipples clamps) don't subside unless I am being played with. Every other time before tonight I have not wanted just pain. I have had thoughts in the past about what I would like Master to do to me, but I have never been brave enough to beg them during sex or play sessions. I have been of the thought if he wanted to do it he would, if I say something I am doing the directing. And that is not what I want. This in many ways has hindered Master in the past, because without my expression he isn't sure how far to push. We have NEVER before last night pushed my pain threshold. Somewhere in subconscious it knew I needed the pain to recenter, and I knew it. Master at that moment pulled away...And cuddled me, kissed me. I thought he was going to bed. I screamed in my head, he acted like it. Just as I comfy in bed again, here he came and I smiled. We played this way for a good long hour or so (I didn't have a watch) .It felt sooo good....his dick in my mouth..his hands on my nipples. Than he started to trail his hands towards my pussy. I looked at him and tried to plea with my eyes what I needed...when his hand kept moving I finally got the words out. "Masssssterrr" I stuttered. He looked up at me....pulled one of my nipples I gasped and lifted of the bed. "What is it my slut needs?" his face was a mixture of teasing and knowledge. That was when I realized he knew but wanted me to beg. My face must have looked funny cause he chuckled an evil chuckle..and continue towards my pussy. I grabbed his wrist and immediately let go. I was rewarded with a slap on the thigh that still has a mark today. I whimpered and finally said what was in my head..."Master please only my nipples...I need to feel the pain. I don't want to cum" That must have been what he was waiting for...cause that is exactly what he gave. Pure, unhendered, pain...over and over. My nipples were bit, turned. grasp, slapped. Each moment he touched my I quiver, each ounce of pain made me more his, and each time he offered his dick to me I needed it more. When it was over he came on me, my face, tits, and stomach. I laid there and he cleaned me. I looked up and him and said "Thank you" and went to sleep. It was exactly what I needed, and I am still feeling it all day long. Know I understand what girls mean when they talk about there breast being bruised the next day and how peaceful that is. Each time they'll feel the pain of their nipples touching something. How much heaven their in...I know fully understand.

Thank you so much Master for this gift.

Hana