The Carpet

How come when you feel like the world is going right the carpet your standing on disappears. I think that happened today. I wrote a post to a list I am on...that when in this crazy direction. It seemed to end everyone's feelings hurt. I told myself years ago that I would stop trying to give my opinion on things because it only leaves people I called friends hurt. Master says it shows their true colors, but I just don't know. I feel in some way it is all my fault. You see my Master really enjoys this list where on and because of me he fears the Owner of the list will not enjoy our company any longer. Or that this Owner doesn't believe in what Master believes in. So here I am thinking I am all the fault of it. I am curled up in the bed and than bam Master is like strip. Now I am not confused by this command, because I know he has already said he wanted use of me tonight. But I am all depressed and sooooo not in the mood. But I do..and we talk for awhile about all the negative things I am feeling. Than he wishes his service. So I go about trying to please him, but my head is just screaming "you are dying inside can't he see that". So he wants me on my hands and knees, and he thinks I am not excited enough. So he goes about beating my ass and than plunges into me without warning. So I try, but now I am just hysterical...and he doesn't stop. He just pounds and pounds. Eventually, I can't hide my tears and he realizes I am crying not moaning. He stops for a bit and ask me why..we discuss how I feel like such a losser..etc..Than he goes back to what he is doing. He tells me how he understands I have a deep problem overcoming what other people think about me, but that only he matters. He has me ride him and tells me how beautiful I am, how pleased he is with me, how much of slave I am, how I wear his collar, how each part of me belongs to him. I try to control my tears and give Master his enjoyment. Eventually, after a hour, he rolls me over and pounds into me. He tells me he isn't going to stop still I cum, he tells me all these dirty things...encourages me..and I do cum. But than I crash and burn...I am crying now and have no idea why. I feel like this huge rug I was standing on just got pulled out from under me. My ass hurts, my p hurts, and my heart hurts...my head is going 90 miles an hour. The words that go back and forth of my worthlessness countered with my good friend E's words of how these feelings are normal. But I can't seem to counter the overwhelming sadness...it is like this huge dark cloud. I was so happy and now I don't know why. Why was I happy for so long? I don't understand...maybe everyone that says I am a good slave is wrong...maybe I just not a slave...Maybe Ep is right....I am so confused. HELLO? HELLO? Is anyone alive out ther? Someone please help me from falling in the abysis of my own making...


The following are original works by "The Flower", they are there for her property and her rights to copy or use in the future. Any copying without her knowledge will led to a copyright infridgement....Please respect one girl's thoughts..

The Man

His voice rings her ears, the sound bellowing far and wide
She alone in the market square, turning to hear His cries
Races to the forest, rushing with all strength
To be stunned at a cross roads, a deep test of faith
Many days have gone, many days have passed
All the world shows is the darken path, the one once bright is now lost somewhere
She is alone in the middle of the stairs
“Look up and see the happy faces of the Love” says a voice so deep
“Look down and nothing but darkness” says a shadow
“It takes one step to move and the same to go back” says the voice
“Which do you choose?” says the shadow….

The Stairs

Remember the dream you once had of being here
The long nights of hoping this would be real
And now you stand here in trembling fear
Instead of strong and proud with what you have done
The years wasted away before your eyes
Calling to the skies
Wishing on every star that the soul would settle there
And now you have that chance and all you do is run
Poor child open your eyes and see what you have done
Be happy for the moments and strides you have stepped
For many have never made it to the first, beginning step
Yes the stairs about are dark and filled with tears
But you can’t turn your back now because of all your fears
For fears are simply that, feelings of lost years
If you lived in fear and regret you would have never made it here
So take the next step slowly and realize it won’t be simple
But know that all the stairs below were just as much made with fear
And to pass those by now they are only simply stairs
Remember that you are the one who makes the choices here
Dear child take my hand and I will show you how
For it is not as hard as you seem to make it now
Close your eyes and count to ten
We are taking the next step, no more standing here in lost and regret.

Well I hope I can find my balance again,

me