You know it is a really hard place I am in right now...I have shared some of my past, and some history of Master and myself. But I still haven't really touch deep into either of these things. This weekend opened some scary doors, and some doors I didn't even know existed. I am still trying to sort it all out, and how to approach it on here is so difficult. I don't really think it's writter's block, but more of uncertainity.
So, I am going to share a bit more of myself and some of the weekend. Until I get that weird feeling, and I may pick this all back up another time...
I got a new job, yet again, close to home with good pay. But it is one of those temp things..all up in the air. So, you never know where it may lead. I had a appointment on sunday, something I had planned for a very long time. After much thought and talk with Master, we arranged it for this Sunday. You see, I have this big fear of being alone with strange men. It scares me to even be close to them. In my teenage years I was dating this rich boy, he really was great. If I would have not been so scared he probably would of married me. But after the first date (of the best homemade italian that HE cooked) he wanted to have sex. I made every excuse, I really didn't know at the time that I couldn't sleep with him because he was "perfect". I hope you know what I mean by this. The "perfect" man is the man that is nice, rich, and good provider...but not the "master" that your looking for (and so you look for this other type in the controlling ass holes). Since, he wasn't one of the contolling types it gave me a choice...and since I never really watned to have sex to begin with I couldn't get my mind over the fear (fear of abandonment, fear of betrayal, fear of being such a slut).
Anyway, what I had all planned out on Sunday was probably innocent for everyone else. Way hard for me to overcome..but when Master placed his collar on my neck I knew I would have to face some of these fears head on. Master has always said I look good naked, I really didn't think so. So, he took pictures of me. I would than pick them apart, til one day a opportunity arose for me to be on this website (clothed..it's called Babes and blades). The photographer said he would take any shots I wanted as long as I did some for the site, and he wouldn't charge me anything. This at first thrilled me, but as the day came closer and closer I realized I may be alone with a man I didn't know.
So I did what any good slave girl does...I begged a girlfriend who is also on the site to come with me. She agreed, and everything was planned. Until Saturday when she called and cancelled. I was very worried, but the twinkle in Master's ideas at the idea of the picture (and once and for all proving me wrong) kept me going. I went, and the photographer was a great guy. For a whole hour we talked and he stayed away. Allowing me to get comfortable, than his girlfriend came over. She helped me get dressed and choose my accessories. Another one of my friends showed up, and we all laughed and giggled...in the end had a great time. I got absolutely fabulous pictures. When they go up on the site, I will link them here. The naked ones are Master's alone..sorry. But they did turn out heavenly. It is the first time I was able to myself laying on my back with my hair spread out, and my breast actually looked perky. I was amazed at what a good photographer can do. He even wanted to put up one of my naked shots annonymously on his company site (Master still hasn't said yes or no on that yet). So That was sunday!
As for monday and tuesday..that is contained with weird shapped doors..I think I will leave you guessing. Though I will ask for the girls out there...Have you ever been at a point in your subission where you are unsure if you should start sex, or he should clue into you wanting it? Is it being unslavelike to give large clues? I am so confused, maybe I am not making sense...
Til next time...Hana
