A weekend of fun

Well this weekend has been great! I found out, Friday, that I got the job I have been wanting. It is for a great company who helps out haiti's children through a missionary group.

Master and I went to a play party on Saturday. We had the host's slave's daughter watch bitty. Bitty went right to M, and I was so relieved to be able to finally leave bitty with someone I wasn't constantly worried about. We arrived about 30 min early, and got Master's famous chili set up to be eatten. We hung out, and than people started arriving. We all chatted for awhile, and than the games began. It started off with one of the fgirl on what I would call "the fuck machine". The fuck machine is this machine with different attachments, and a remote that vibrates and rotates the implement. The girl rides like a horse. Anyway she got up on the machine, while a duo switched from using the remote to fondling her. When I say duo I mean one slave and one Master with the orginal slave riding the machine. They both tormented her until she was begging for it to stop. Than Master W went around and set everyone up doing something with someone else. I got shaved, quite nicely by Master J. He is so hot, he reminds me of a guy right out of LOTR or shakepare. He has such beauitful eyes, I could just eat him up...HMMMM. Anyway he took his time, getting each spot smooth, while touching the nice skin, and kissing. His tounge just is so forceful it makes me wet just thinking about it. Than I went and watched my Master shaving Master J's girl. They seemed to be having fun..so Master J and I went down the hall back to the machine. Which was now available. I picked out my toy of torture....and the vibrations began. Slowly at first, the nobs rubbing my clit....and than the rotation came faster and faster. I just was cumming and cumming...oh what heaven. I could have come all night, but my wrist was hurting so after sometime (I don't know how much time because I was to busy being fucked by the fuck machine.) We stopped and than clean the toys, this allowed the girl Master was playing with to get on the machine and me to be comforted by Master J. It was so wonderful to watch, though it has been awhile since I had a Master read a magazine while petting me. It was interesting. So this girl on the fuck machine...Master so totally blasted her and she was so out of it she went nonverbal and couldn't express that she was done. Master said she finally got the word up and she started crying. Her Master came over and helped her off, than toyed with her sore puss while we all cuddled and talked. After a bit Master W made mention of fisting, and suggested that I fist B. So I did...after getting much instruction. It was an adventure, I have never done that before. Her puss was so tight, and smelled so sweet it made me want to eat her right than and there. But I continued to toy with her, and eventually she came. It was great, contracting muscles, sweet smells, ohh heaven. Next came my fisting. It was a three way fest.... One of the girls, H, was fisting me. While A (the one I had previous fisting experience with) toyed with my breast. Than B came in and was toying with them. All the while I was being fisted and fucked and twisted..Than A started slapping my puss and oh gosh I was overloaded. HELL YEAH! I can't wait til the next time we can have such fun....

That's it for now...

Hana

The doctor

I finally found a doctor, well physical therapist, who figured out what is wrong with my hips. Come to find out my right hip has no motion at all..NONE..nada. Well the left has a little movement and is compensating with hip joint sways and back to help me move. My PT was suprised to see me walking....she said normally people like me are wheelchair bound. SO now I have to do all these painful exercises just to make my hips unwhatever so that they will move independently. Than she is going to help me strength them. So here goes the pain..sighs...

But no pain no gain right?

I hope it is over fast!

I have a pending interview with verizon. I hope I get the interview and a job. It's only 2 yr contract, but I could become perm if they like me. Anyways its big bucks so lets hope.

HUGS,

me

A night

Well today was an adventure as always. The baby is so nosey she has to be out and about when everyone else. She is just getting to big, and tonight Master closed the door on her to try to keep her in her room. That just openned a flood gate of emotions. Memories started flashing of my childhood, and about 2 hours later I was devastated when the last straw hit. S was very short tempered with me, and really hurt my feelings. Maybe I am just to sensitive. I understand that he is very passionate about his pcs and how much gets accomplished in a evening. BUT he also has to understand that this is not something I am all that interested in. I did it in the beginning to be able to see my husband. But every weekend I end up crying and I just can't take it anymore. SO I told Bobby I was done. It was just to much. So I guess I want see him two saturdays a month..SIGH. Oh well the price of a gaming wife.

I just don't want to be crying all the time, and have to "block" my child in a bedroom. Especially when she is at that point in her development of seperation. I don't want her to think that we are pushing her off. That should never happen.

So I made the decision. I hope it is the right one.

Hugs

Hana

A fustrating couple of days

I just don't know how much worse my days can get. As of today it has been three days of hell and mistakes. I simply think I am just that stupid sometimes, because all I do is making being angry or fustrated at me.

Master has been displeased with my attitude. I really don't know what has gotten into me. I just feel so overwhelmed all the time. Three days ago Walgreens called and once again told me how much a fuck up I was that I couldn't work for them. Well thats not what they said...but it feels that way. So after two years and still nothing accomplished job wise, I feel kinda unsignificant. Master keeps saying that I am truly pleasing him by taking care of the baby. But lady all I have been able to do is yell "No don't do that..stop that". On top of that yesterday Master had me kneel and yelled at me in my face about disrespectful I was being to him..sighs. So I took the baby and went shopping...because I just wanted to hide under the covers and well he was working so I just had to leave. I am so not doing well with this crap. I don't know if it is Master being sick, or the overwhelming need to find a job and keep it so that I can say I finally accomplished it...or if it is just the feeling of being inadequate that I can't take care of Master and the baby and myself. For example I have slept a total of 6 hours in the last three days. Mainly to please Master....because well I can't do what he wanted done during the day. So than I tried to get in a hurry and broke a damn mirror in the bathroom. I told myself at least a 100 times it is a supersition...but I have such bad luck I am starting to wonder.

Than there is this girl we met through a personal ad, we will call her K. She has a little girl, who is 4 and my heart goes out to her. k got pregnant at 16, moved in with this guy who claims to be a Dom. And now after finding a "slave" and he has gone Gorean, he is kicking her out. So she wants a change of venue. If it works out she will move here and stay in her own place til she can get on her feet. Than when Master is ready she will move in. Than at least I will one thing right. Master will finally be please without me having to kill myself by doing it.

Than tonight I simply ask a question on a list I am on. I was asked on this list to kinda be there to contact for props for the video of bellydancing they are doing on sat. But I have had lots of girls, since the show, ask me how they got started if they are going to add more girls...etc? SO I asked...

And the basic response from Master W, head dog, is like you shouldn't post to this list for any other reason than the video. And I AM going to unscribe (because I know it all) on sunday..and I think all the people on here who arent part of the troupe should unsubscribe to. SO I was nice said thank you and left the group. So I tell Master, and he thinks I am wrong. Thinks Master W was being his normal self and letting me know his thoughts. But you see he sees it that way cause he is a Master. He doesn't read it like me, because well I just feel like he is trying to be nice cause he knows how sensitive I am. But thinks that I should have just shut up and not asked. Maybe my view is all fucked up cause of my upbringing. But I just don't understand why I am always the wrong. Why can't I be right just once? I want to know what it feels like to be at peace, to be happy....truly happy...without fear of losing something or someon getting sick or someone saying I have not pleased them in some way. Maybe I should just not open my mouth to people anymore. Maybe I will go back to the way I was as a child and not say anything. Just deal with it interally. Because it seems the more I let out..the more I open up to people the more wrong I cause.

I am just cursed....I know it.

sighs...

Hana