Him Part 2

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.


Jennifer nearly caused a wreck trying to hail a taxing, as I stood timidly on the curb. My eyes couldn’t keep off the track up her thighs, and I had to swallow to keep my tongue from hanging out. I had always liked girls in some way, but never Jennifer. Tonight was whole different ball game, as I would come to find out. She practically pulled me into the cab and he took off before I could even catch my breath. Thirty minutes later we were cursing down the downtown district, I started grabbing my things and pulled money out to pay the cabbie. I was shocked once again when he kept going, and when I went to make mention of that fact Jennifer put a gloved hand on my arm. “Honey we are going somewhere else tonight,” she said. I was so confused but her look was such a mixture I knew not to push it. She lightened the mood by saying “Come on you know my surprises are always good.” I laughed a bit uneasily, but the ramble and patter of our voices got me so distracted I never really paid much attention on how far we had gone off course. So when we pulled in a deserted parking lot with nothing but another car waiting I knew I was in over my head. “Jen…ni…fer, I stumbled out, “what’s going on”. She seemingly ignored me, before saying something to the driver that just stepped out of the car. Than turned around, “I have this party I want to go to, and I knew you wouldn’t come. I couldn’t go by myself, so I told a little white lie. You forgive me don’t you?” She put on such an act of innocence, and threw her hands up and smile on that I just couldn’t resist. “Ok but the instant I am uncomfortable we are SO out of there.” She nodded and off we went. You know your mother always tells you pay attention to your surroundings, know where your going and were you have been, watch ahead and behind you at all times, but at 24 you really think you know the world and everyone in it. Knowing Jennifer like I did, I paid no mind to any of the fears in my head. When we arrived at our finial destination it was like a dream or a story. The gates alone were so expensive looking I almost demanded us return. Jennifer nudged me as we passed them, and gave me a kiss on the check. “Try new things, it won’t kill you.” I nodded trying to convince myself, but my stomach was saying all the opposite things. We drove up a driveway that rounded like in a fairytale. The trees were large standing oaks, which the house seemed to build itself around instead of vica versa. When I grabbed for the handle in the car Jennifer pulled me back. “Patience…” she said. I was never good at waiting, but when the driver started coming around to our side to open the door I just looked at her with my eyes narrowed. “Any more surprises tonight?” I said. She laughed and jumped out of the car, I thought to myself that wasn’t really a response. She stuck her head in, “Come on chicken.” “I am not a chicken, just…” The last words hung off my tongue as I took in the large castle like home in front of me. Saying it was huge is a understatement, the doors alone were at least twice my size and the windows looked like something out of Victorian design book. The house was done in brick and old wood, the doors were rich oak that had been stained many years ago. Deep oak partners aligned all the windows, and the storm shutters were the only thing that made the house look like it didn't just happened to grow out of the ground. I heard Jennifer walk off and the crack of the door, but I was such in a daze that I had to be dragged into the house. Our bags were set next to a whole bunch more, and my eyes trailed up the curved staircase that I swore was a remake of Gone with the wind. When we stepped into the massive front room it was overflowing with people. Some sitting, some kneeling on the floor, some cross legged on the couch, and some standing on almost every wall space. I was still taking it all in when a voice met my ears. “WELCOME, welcome everyone to my home away from home. I hope this weekend enthralls your passions, opens your eyes, and rekindles the….” I didn’t hear much of anything else because Jennifer was gnawing my ear off with her ramble. All about how old the house was, and were we would be staying, and how this weekend would be the greatest. Girl Stuff in general. She mentioned that the man talking was the owner of this place, DUH I thought. I just caught him talking about how to find our rooms when Jennifer nudged me to turn around cause he was scanning the room, or something. I turned and was met with a blue-eyed gentleman like no other. His presence alone was like a weight sunk on all living things and then searched through every crevice, but his eyes were such like hunting I was lost completely in them. As people started flowing out, grabbing bags and such, I was frozen in place. Jennifer nudged me and said something, with a wave of her hand and she stepped between us. “What’s wrong with you?” she said. I shock my head “Nothing I stuttered out…” We made it upstairs and that is when I started to panic. I can’t stay here, not with him here, not in this house, I need air all thoughts that rambled in my head. While Jennifer unpacked I looked for a way to get out without her knowing. When she took leave to take a shower I made a break for it. Grabbing my bagging and instinctively rushing down the stairs I had just come up. When I got about half way I heard voices. His, or what I remember was his, but it had an edge to it. Than some timid girl voice responded. It was hushed tones, so I don’t know what it was about, but I decided to tip toe out the front door. I got no more than three steps before the conversation in the front room stopped; I stopped as well one leg in the air and bag tittering to keep my balance. When I thought it was clear and crept to the front door. Grabbing hold of the handle on the door I turned my back to silence. I was sure I was home free, I had the door partially open and than I smelled him before I heard him. It was a rich manly scent mixed with musk from his cologne. By how strong it was I tried to judge were he was in the room behind me. His voice made it easier “I don’t remember inviting you here tonight,” He said in such monotone but with a hint of something deeper. “I turned and said, well no bother I was just leaving.” And waved my hand as if dismissing him. His eyebrows raised, and the girl that had just come around the corner bit her lower lip. It was like the air was completely sucked out of the room, before he finally chuckled. “Did you come with someone? Maybe we should call him/her?” He said. “I came with a girlfriend, but it was a mistake and now I’m going home.” I said. “Well you could let me call the car around…” I never let him finish his sentence before walking right up to him with all my glory and nerve “Look I don’t want to be here as much as you don’t want me here. But don’t do me any favors dude.” With that I picked up my cell phone and pressed the speed dial that would ring me a taxi. I was just finishing telling them what I needed when they asked the address, I realized I had no idea were I was. I knew I would have to ask, I cursed under my breath. Turned around to ask and just as quietly as he had entered he was gone. My mouth hung open, I sighed and clicked the phone shut. Leaving my bag I headed back upstairs to find Jennifer. Determined that she would tell me were I was or I would…Oh I don’t know what I would do. I just would…….

Thanks for reading

Hana

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Him Part I

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is purely fiction. The names in here are fantasy and nothing written has every truly happened. They are just deep thoughts from a deep place within me.

The smell hit me before anything, it was so thick and touched every part of my body like a warm blanket. It overwhelmed all my senses and my body responded immediately. That smell always makes my spine send shivers, and my cunt moisten. The smell of well taken care of leather, the kind that is a mixture of liquorice and old whiskey. I tried to keep my eyes on the floor beneath me. The rich hard wood stared back at me and my vision started to blur with all the emotions running through me this very second. I thought nothing but “RUN”, and I felt nothing but fear. My heart raced almost out of my chest, I struggled with my urges to flea for what seemed like eternity. He finally spoke, making me almost jump out of my skin. Goosebumps raised while the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. He was speaking of his remembrance of me that first night. I was than transformed, through his words, back to that moment. The night we meet…


“Jennifer I am not going there again! Last time we went some clearly drunk bastard, who had to many, puked all over my new pradas’!!”
Jennifer laughed so much I thought she would never catch her breath “OH! Come on, you know he would have been totally YOUR type if he wasn’t so sick from the tequila”, she said clearly exhausted from all the laughter. Jennifer stood 5’6”, and perfect. Her brunette hair fell just below her shoulder blades, and curled just right at the ends. Those deep hazel eyes said so much in just a glimpse that they either made you run screaming or melted your heart. Her body was the perfect hourglass shape, the bosom nice handfuls of ample tissue. When she turned to look at me,her best friend, Hannah, even her movements were perfect. My bed was the perfect picture of a little girl’s room. My mother dying did that to me, and Jennifer took me under her wing at 8 and never left me side. The pink ruffles looked so odd around the perfect women that it made me laugh. Jennifer looked at me curiously “What’s so funny? Do I have snot running down my cheek?”

“No, No You just…. don’t fit.” I said. Jennifer opened her arms than “Come here,” I moved in close and upon her embrace I lost all track of the reason I didn’t want to go out tonight. For the next few hours Jennifer went through all of their clothes hundreds of times, until they both looked “just right”. I wore a tight jean mini skirt that looked like it had been cut from a pair of blue jeans, black tank top that said angel one side and showed her belly button, and black boots all of which belonged to Jennifer. I kept pulling down the skirt every time I moved feeling quite a bit uncomfortably about all the skin showing. Just as I was thinking of changing she came out of the bathroom, my jaw dropped to my chest and I swear I was paralyzed in that moment. My eyes traveled up over her black leather boots that stopped at her knees, the leather skirt that hung just over her hips, and the leather and lace corset made me drool slightly. If this didn’t shock me enough it was the leather thing in her hand that made me instinctively nervous. As she lifted it, with such a serious face, and popped it with a smack into her hand I nearly passed out. She cracked a smile than “What do you think?” my head was screaming a million things. I cleared my throat “Interesting…” was all I could manage. This smile I have never seen before crossed her face she grabbed her jacket and turned to me with mine “Good that is the look I wanted”. I was still stunned when we walked through the front door and out into the cold February air…….


Hana

Back

Well it turns out she is cutting her two molers. HELL! So much fun!!! It iced here this weekend so we spent the weekend in the house. I sewed Bitty's window curtains, got one side done. The top is crocked but I don't care. The instructions were so wrong!!! and I broke 5 needles. SOOOO on the other side I am going to do it my way and than just put up a valance that is high in the top!!! But the rest looks great!! I hope the dress instructions aren't as screwed up...Easter is coming so head long I feel like I am spinning. Bee and I are trying for a our last baby, it isn't going so well. It didn't last time either. It's amazing how easy it is as a teenager, but when your adult it is a big problem. Though I guess the lack of intimacy maybe pushing it along, I am also having long times between my periods. This last one was 40 days. I just pray everyday that it happens, I just want one more to complete us. Keep us in your thoughts. My avon business is going down the tubes, I am so fustrated with it I don't want to even talk about it. I hope they straighten out my account soon.

Anyway thats all for now.

The Mama

Some Thoughts

You know I was reading a neighbors blog today about a path. It was a old post she wrote but it sure stirred a lot of memories in me. A lot I haven't written about here or anywhere. No one in particular that I would have to worry about ever reading this, but it is awfully scary to expose stuff to the world that you have never even told the man you call Master. The thoughts in your head, the moments of crying yourself to sleep. The lonlinees and wanted to just flee. The seconds of standing outside "safety police" offices and wanting to walk in and "tell someone". The fear of foster homes, and the streets keeping me placed in the circle and path I lived until I left. I spoke for long hours to my mother the other night. Told her things about my first husband that she never knew. Of course, she lived in the past. Saying things like "you should have told us" or "we would have thought of something". I tried to tell her how hard it was to even tell her now some 10 years later. How could I possibly tell someone that never loved me that...or what was going on? How can you describe the fear and pain you felt every night, if you felt similiar to that all your life? How can you tell someone who never stood up for you...to now stand up for you? How would have that ended? Would we all have been dead?

And now I am sitting in a spot of trying to complete the process of having full custody of my oldest. As I sat down to talk to Master, and had a powerful motivator of a feeling (after talking to a lawyer). To just have it crushed to see the look in his eyes when he said, if we file than we will have to side the young ones to my bothers. That we would be putting our lives at risk everyday. I know his fear that they could come after us, but I really think in the pit of my stomach they wouldn't just because they said it to simply instil fear. I know how he feels that we would be taking a huge risk with our family. I also know he doesn't want to say all these things and seem unsupportive. So what I am to do? Do I take a huge risk and look for the papers in the courts and file, and try to locate at the cost of revenge out of fear? OR do I never try like I have always done and what will that do to me? How do you overvcome a life pre-written to you?

I fear so much of leading my kids into the hells of my path or worse that somedays I wish I could just walk away. I stay because I love them and Master but today just pulled all my thoughts out again.

So here I am again at a crossroads. How do you know what path is the right one?

Hana

Update on Fisting

Sorry I have been so terribly sick. Everyone here has except Master OF COURSE. Anyway we did try the fisting again with a thicker lube. We tried it on my back this time, he got his knuckles pass and than tried to curl into a fist and nope not giving. Magadala, We have tried several positions. Also I did have the babies vaginally. Both were c-section. Master has given we just can't do it I'm to small.

We are going to a meet and greet this saturday with a new group of friends. Wish me luck

Hana