Why Blog

So I have been really thinking abou this....why do I blog. Kaya brought it up the other day in her post. I was still kinda mulling it. You see Master and I live together, our computers are in the same room. He knows I blog and all, and that I talk to people on the net. Then we were talking about it the other day cause he asked me "Who were you bitching out on your blog the other day"...I was so confused because I write both here and on blogger. Than I realized he was talking about art, this guy who at first seemed like a jerk and I told him off. But than it sort calmed and I realized he was just curious and didnt know how to approach the subject with me. New people can get chastised for asking the wrong stuff, though they think it's the innocent quesiton. I wrote awhile back about one of Master's friends, his ex found out and through a fit about what I was writing about. When his friend got all up Master's face about "if he was a real Master he would punish me" Master just laughed. He said if he didn't want me to post (meaning his friend) than he should have not done what he did with me. LOSER...anyway...Master and I talk about how when I started writing it was suppose to be "my space" where I can write my thoughts. He says it's the only place I have that's just mine. He allows me this luxury because he wants me to have a place to rant, yell, cry, whine, etc...he thinks it is healthy for our relationship. But he knows that I talk to him about the important stuff. Most of what I write is rambles in my head, stuff I don't think of sharing. At one point I thought I would start an erotic story again, but I haven't found a way to do that I like yet. Maybe I will maybe I won't...but the point is..This is my space. I can write whatever I want, no matter what, and never get punished. Because if he wanted to know he says he would just turn around and ask me.
That's why I write, cause it's a relief and it gets me practicing at writing. Maybe one day I'll finish the books I started. One never knows.
Hana

So confused

Ok maybe I am just completely wacko, but I am on this slave list. The list is a list all in all. There are some male slaves, some female, some subs. I have been very tolerant of this list, because it ask good questions most of the time and is local. So one of the questions today way this...

What if your Master is fisting you, and you look up to see he is intently watching TV while he's at it.What would you do?How would you feel?

The girl's responses totally shocked me....One said "Being honest, i'd feel horrible. my thoughts would be "how on earth can He be more interested in watching TV than in the fact that He's elbow deep inside me?" My response would likely be something totally outside of my slavery, such as staring at Him until His eyes returned to me and then saying, "sorry my pussy around Your arm is disturbing Your TV viewing...SIR" ROFL ...okay...no i wouldn't say it...but i for darn sure would think it!! What i'd actually do, is likely get pouty" Another said" But hypothetically - slave or not - he'd one hell of a time getting my full attention the next time he wanted to 'play'. Pretty much, it's the equivalent of taking a dump and reading a magazine. Talk about totally not valued at all"

Ummm WHAT THE FUCK?!!! Someone please explain to me how the hell they think they are not manipulating their men if they think like that. I know I am going to create a war on this list but I replied with...umm..I am sorry but I so don't agree on this. A slave is there to please, period. If that means that he has his arm in my pussy pounding away while watching tv. So be it..it doesn't bother me at all. Actually it turns me one (though I have never been fisted by Master). Master has on many occassion, talked on the ohone, watched tv, had me talk on the phone, talked to other people, read a book, or chatted on im...all while fucking, teasing, or toying with me. I have never once thought it was bad. I seriously think that being a slave means your a slave. You don't get to have his full attention every secondant. That means that if he wants to fuck you while completely ignoring you than that is just the way it is. I think your priority should be, being his fuck whole. To me, doing as you described (removed name for safety of poster), is topping from the bottom. I would really rethink were my submission lied if I did something like that. Now, I am not saying I am perfect or that I have not said things to Master. Cause boy have I ever. But it has never been abou t sex, it has always about the mundane (dishes, house clean, etc)

Am I the only one who thinks what the girls was so WRONG? Someone help me....

Hana

Question 26 & 27

These are from Lady Callah~

What's your favorite toy?

My favorite are floggers. There is something about them, wrapping/not-wrapping, heavy/not heavy, hard/soft, that just make me wet and needy with just looking at them..Heaven pure heaven.

(On a side note: if anyone knows a good flogger site, where I can buy Master a good one. Please let me know)

How often do you get to do what YOU want to do, instead of what others want?

I think I get to more often than I want to say I do. I do LOTS for others (Master, kids, church, etc.) but if I tell Master or I say "I need a bath, I need to sleep" Master understands and lets me. Sometimes he is just in a spoiling mood and lets me pick the movie or choose the restaurant. Sometimes he just is in a weird mood, and lets my whining be ignored as I go around grumbling about hurricanes living in my house and needing some space. So in the end I do a lot I want to, but I have a lot of time eatten away but what I would rather not do. So in retrospect I get about a hour a day maybe that is just mine...the rest of the day is someones somewhere.

Hana

Questions 21~25

This was asked by pepes_slave over at LJ

What is your favorite song?

I love music...every song sings to me in different ways. I have a song for when the cancer finally takes Master, one for when we were apart for so long, and one for when I am sad. So it's really hard to choose just ONE favorite.
I think I will pick "I hope you dance" by Lee Ann Womack

Do you like South Park?

No I think it's stupid

How do you laugh (is it a little giggle, guffaw, that type of thing)?

It depends on what I am laughing at...mostly giggle sometimes chuckle and sometimes (though Ihave weeded it out through the years) until I snort

How often do you laugh?

As much as I possibly can

Hana

Hectic Hell

Ok my life has been kinda hectic over here, I am sorry I haven't posted a real blog in a bit. I really didn't think you want to read about the everyday workings of my life. I don't get much readers on those post, so I stopped writing them. But a good friend encouraged me to..so here goes. Monday and Tuesday were spent dressing, cleaning, cooking, and working. I really had little time to do anything else. I have spent most of the week searching for a baby-sitter for a dinner party tonight. Than we do finally find one, Master decides he would rather go to a movie. Good! The food is to expensive at the place they are going anyway ($18.95 for shrimp cocktail REALLY). So yesterday I spent stressing over whether or not this lady who wripped me off on avon will pay me back. She keeps yelling and calling me all kinds of names and hanging up. My district manager called her last night and got her convinced to pay me about half of what she owes me. When I spoke to her today for the three seconds before she hung up, she told me I ruined her life. Please tell me how I did that? I mean honestly, you took product from me in good faith, you said you would pay me. You didn't, and when you didn't I took it to my manager (who you wanted to talk to in the first place) and now you tell me that I RUIN YOUR LIFE????!!! Umm how? By making you pay me what you owe me? By getting on you about paying it? I mean really? And she says she is a godly women....I have no comment there because I shouldn't judge. My manager says she lost her mother and that was really hard on her...I am truly sorry for that I have no idea what that's like. But that doesn't change the fact that you owe me 200 dollars, I mean honetly. Than our fridge dies last night. I spean all night and this morning worring about it. Come to find out that the stuff breaker clicked itself off. That apartment really needs to be rewired. And I have a month from hell this month with trying to make the money to pay basically three months worth of rent...UGH!! I am so stressed, someone fuck me or beat or something...I need to scream, cry, and yell damn it!!!

Ok there now you have heard my week so far. Master says I do this everytime we move. He says he just sits back out of the storm until its over. I HATE MOVING!!!!

Anyway laters,

Hana

PS if you want to help me with 100 questions please ask me something and I'll
answer.

PPS Question 20 came through from live journal..here is the question:

How do I handle stress? This was asked by pepes_slave...Really I dont do much, I have sex mostly. But when that's not forthcoming than I try to take long baths, or moments outside reading. If that doesn't happen either than I get bad stomach aches for days and feel like I'm going to puke every second. Or am just exhausted mostly. That's where I am right now, sick feeling, wanting to be beaten...all I can do is what for it to pass.

Questions 16 - 19

This is for slave lucy, please her go check her out she is so cute. Lucy, I didn't know we were the same age. Though I am not a submissive I am Gorean slave. If you want the difference it will have to be in a different post. As for your questions, here you go: (and they are tough ones)

What has been your biggest reality check in life?

I know I have said this before, but I think Master being diagnosed with cancer so young. The time was the worse (though thre is no right time) as bitty was only 2 months old and premature.

What is your sensitive area on your body?

My pussy is the most sensitive, it is allergic to eveything, gets infections real easy, and doesnt like to be invaded.

3) Favorite childhood memory?

hmm that's really hard, cause I don't really know if I have one as a child. All the good came with really bad stuff....

I think the best I had was when I stayed at my grandpa's. He had small kittens and neighborhood cats. I would go out in his backyard and try to save the baby kitties each spring. Giving them baths, washing there eyes, finding their mommy so they could eat, etc. My grandpa always let me do whatever, and I loved it there it was so happy even when quiet.

worst habit?

Hmm habit..thinks...gosh these are tough. I think my worse habit is bitting my bottom lip or fidgiting when I'm nervous...


Ok they are getting tougher...who's next?

Hana

Questions 12-15

Annissa~

I just have one word for you "BITCH". Ok now that it is said let me answer your evil questions:

what is the one thing you want right this moment more than anything else?

The first thing that comes to my head is being into the house, I really hate moving and would love to be there. The other thing is knowing my job is not going anywhere. For I really need the job, and I won't find out if I am perm until Oct. Keep your fingers crossed

who inspires you most and how?

Inspiring hmmm...that is a really tough one, manly because I don't really follow anyone's set life or look at anyone in envy. Everyone tends to ask me "how to" so I have never really looked at the reverse. But if I had to choose someone it would be this lady that runs our Sunday school class. We will call her Italy or "I" for short to not reveal her to the world. She has four boys, the last one was unplanned, and she is deep in faith. Even though she has had a admin walk out on her in the midst of her staying home for the summer, financial hardships, having to pull her older boys out of private school, and endless burdens of committing to different things. But everytime I talk to her she "has it together", though she swears to me that just isn't so. I am inspired because she is so deep in faith, such a good mother (knows when to spank and when to just listen), and a excellent wife. I, on the other hand, fall short in my bible time, have a stressful fit when my two year old screams at the top of her lungs, and tell Master to just "fucking get your shoes off the couch I just fucking scrubbed clean"...LOL

who are your crushes... people you would do something down and dirty with in a heartbeat if you could?

Ok, I am going to be honest. Though I could just not tell you. *Grumbles and whines* There is a guy in our group of men..well two...but this one particular I have "lusted" after so heavily since first we met. He knows I like him, and so taunts me relentlessly whenever we are around each other. When we do play he gives "some" but denies me other pleasures and it drives me insane. For example, last party I was laying in his lap with my head drapped againist his belly and chest. He leaned down and within inches of my lips breathed on me..HE FUCKIN BREATHED...it drove me nuts. Then he just sat back up. Or he will slide his hand across my tummy, act like he is going for my puss, and then turn down my inner thigh instead or stop touching completely.

The other one I like there, he is a excellent flogger and totally no play. I want it, he knows it, and gives me as much as he can without fucking me. It is great! Intense, and delicious. Though he is D/s, so when we play I have to remember that he is asking "x,y,z...or how I am or what I want" beecause he doesnt know me and he is SSC and all that comes with that.

There was a girl I use to have a crush on but she betrayed me..so she's out. There is also I girl I play with regularly, but I am not "physically" attracted to. A is very dominant/sweet personality. She says things to you matter of factly, and though that is great for play, and she is a GOOD player, it is not so great for friendships. I get more deeply involved with Dom women who I am deeply connected to as friends.

There is one other person who I have such a deep crush on, even before her picture, but I would never admit it UNTIL NOW. (Thank you again Annissa), I am not going to reveal her name, I think from my reaction, she knows who she is. So I will leave it at...but her I could sit between her legs for hours. Her I could fall forand never get up...her is what I have always wanted in another girl for Master. Unfortuantely, or fortuantely, she's taken. So we will just have to see how it all plays out in the end. And YOU ALL will just have to read about it some other time.

what is your favorite bad for you food?

Since I have such a high metabolism I really don't have a "bad" food. But since Master has been sick, I have been trying to eat more healthy. Since I am allergice to milk, and most everything has milk in it...I am constantly eating bad foods. I would have to choose my homemade choclate pudding pie. It is oreo cookie crust, with two layers of pudding, and oreo cookies crushed inbetween the layers, and cool whip on top.

That's all for now....

Hana

Questions 8-11

What is the best perk of power exchange for you and what would you take out if you could?

The best perk of power exchange for me is all the sex, and it is not just normal sex. When it is good it is good, and he can just look at me and make me so wet...ohh yeah!!!

I would remove, that's a hard one, the fakes and abusers. Like they should have a sign or something. BUT really if I could I'd remove the stares from others, the fear that I am being abused (so I cant tell anyone, or forbid...SM is just devil worship you know.)

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

I see myself home with my kids: V (my oldest), Bitty (my youngest), and Eli (my baby we are hoping to have next year)....in a nice house in the cool air..Maybe in Colorado or something. Just enjoying life, and being "us"

what makes you feel most submissive?

When I am just going through my day and I brush my hair away and feel my collar.

Why did you start your journal and has it worked for the reasons you started it?

I started this after Master got sick, and I just couldnt find a way to get all my rage, tears, fustration, and thoughts out. It was actually my idea and still is. Master doesn't make me write, though he reads on occassion. It was made for me, and really no one to read. But than I invited people and dove deep into their lives, I wanted to share more about my self. And so it began....

Questions 1~7 of 100

These were asked by art:


1) Favorite color?

My favorite color is Purple

2) Favorite place to vacation?

I haven’t gone on vacation, a real vacation (which means lasting more than 2 nights), ever. But Master and I would like to take the girls through Europe. I would love to see Italy.

3) What is the one thing you cannot live without?

The one thing I can’t live without…hmm I think being loved. But if it was a material thing I would say it’s a tie. I always told Master that if we had a fire, after grabbing kids and pets, I would grab a suitcase at put in it our wedding album, V’s (my oldest) video tapes from when she was a baby, and Bitty’s blanket (I crocheted it for her and it was first attempt she goes no where without it).

4) Any ‘odd’ quirks?

Other than grinding my teeth, I am not really sure. OH WAIT~ I laugh when I am nervous. So when Master is punishing me I have a tendency to laugh or giggle. It took him a bit to understand I wasn’t doing it on purpose, I never knew I did it (or realized it) until I got this lifestyle.

5) You can change any two things you want to, what do you change and why?

That’s really hard because the two things off the top of my head that I would change have such bad side-effects:

The first thing was Master not having cancer, but I think if he hadn’t of been dying Master and I would never be as close as we are now. OR as close to God as we are. I, also, don’t think I would be collared now either.

The second is not moving in with my dad after my oldest was born, when he offered, because I was stubborn and it cost my child in many ways. Though Master keeps reminding me if I would have had a 4 yr old at home when I was suppose to cross paths with him, we may have never met.

But I know each choice and decision comes with lost in some way.

6) Favorite season,(time of year)

I love winter, when I was living in Mass as a small child I lived at the top of hill in a small town. My friends and I would slide down on our snowsuits to the bottom to get to school. It was the best time I ever had.

7) You have to give up tv or radio, which and why?

I would give up radio, as I am addicted to BB7


Ok who's next?

Hana

100 questions

Ok I want to try this hundred question thing. So if you have a question just leave it in the comments and I will post the answer on my blog. You can ask me anything.....

LOL....I probably wont make it to 100 but hey it maybe fun..

Hana

Please check this out

This women is remarkable..check here out...

http://poetic-acceptance.blogspot.com/

The best weekend ever!

UGH!!! Blogger Hates me I had such a good post, and now I don't know if I want to rewrite it...sighs...OK here goes

Friday night started out talking to a dear friend over IM. It was wonderful to finally connect with her, and have the time to get to know each other. This was immediately followed by Master lingering his hand on my inner thigh. Our eyes meet and I knew that devilish look was going to overtake me. His hands began their torturing dance over my nipples, twisting my body, kissing my lips, nippling my neck, spreading words through my ear (scank, whore, cunt), my body arching and responding with each moment of change or pain. He leaned back and watch as he tormented me, his eyes never leaving my body. When his hand hit my pussy, and his voice told me to roll over I was defintely needy. His cock plunged into me then, no warning or caressing. My body clamped shut, I breath as his words open my cunt farther for him. His hands found my still tender nipples torturing, pulling, and pressing with each thrust until I open for him. He forced his cock deep to the hilt, bouncing it inside me. My mind fuzzed, minutes turned into hours.....I engulfed my self in the ecstasy as he told me to "cum" each time he demanded my pussy to convulse until he was done with me.

I came out of my haze smelling of sweat, cum, and hot...Master lifted me and placed me in a warm bath. Encouraging me back to him with each press of the sponge on my body. I was so in heaven. Master allowed me to sleep on Saturday, and sleep in I did. Each hour spent in dreamland, when I did awake I was recharged and cleaned half of the house until it sparkled. I am trying to get ahead of the terrible "moving cleaning". I found one of my clothespins, and playfully teased Master with putting it on his bare chest. He over came me in a playful wrestle and put it on my clit. I screamed in my mind, but it really is nothing compared to nipples. I have no idea why that it is, but I will not question the pain gods. OF COURSE, when he said "Come here and let me help you" and twisted and pulled until it snapped off it no longer didn't hurt. I was soaked down leg just by one small clothespin?! The afternoon was spent at his parents, while the evening was spent eatting appetizers from a local restaurant. The late night was covered in his pouncing of my naked flesh, using me before I could even catch my breath and sending me on my way.

Sunday was the norm, Church and Master going to D&D. I had a long conversation with my dad. He actually complimented me, amazing! He said "You are such a good mother, I am so proud of you" . We talk for hours, it was good and I enjoyed it. I am so GLAD now that Master made me open the communication lines, as my father has changed so much over the past 5 years. Thank you Master for knowing how to help me through this.

Bitty and I spent a cool evening playing and talking, her trying to pronounce the words I was saying. She gets tubes put in on Aug 8, and her adnoids taken out. Everyone keeps telling me it will help so much.

Thats was my weekend!

How was yours?

Hana

this side of heaven

So Annissa put a tag up on her blog it was 10 things about 10 people. I think I am going to try it though I don't think I have ten readers so here goes:

1) My heart aches for you, I know how precious life is and I wish I was close to make it all better.

2) Your innocence makes me smile, and remember the first seeds of this life. It is good to remember the beginning.

3) Your world from the moment you arrived on this planet was so distructive, I read your life and sometimes feel like I am going to puke from the moments. Than I read you today and see how it affected you, and I wish I could wipe out any chance of this ever happening to someone else. You show me so much strength, I realize my problems aren't so big.

4) Updated ~revealed~ MsBehavn : My name sake is so cute, you will have to post more pictures when she is older.

5) Updated ~revealed- Art : Your comments make me angry one minute, and laugh the next. You add the spice to my blog.

6) Updated ~revealed~ Annissa: Your service, stregth, love, spirit, and just plain personality amazes me each and everyday. I am so glad to have found you.

7) Updated ~revealed~ Kaya: Your unshyness makes me laugh so hard I think I am going to pee...No matter what it is you don't hold back. I truly need a friend like you...thank you for finding me.

8) You the lurker, I am not sure if you still read this blog. But if you do please know I am sorry

9) You are strong and give me a whole different view of my world. Sometimes you open my eyes, and sometimes my jaw just drops in suprise. But no matter what you are true to youself and the others in your life. THank you for being you

and finally...

10) Update: Lady Callah ~ You know I just stumbled across your blog, but you make me think.


Well have fun guessing..and yes I will tell you if you guess right.

Hana

HNT

OK I thought I would put up a quick HNT. This was at a play party of "girl's only" But before you get to see the pic you have to go and check out my avon for sell here: http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQfgtpZ1QQfrppZ25QQsassZkenshiQ5flari If you would like any avon that is not there let me know: Now onto the naked..

HNT HAPPY HNT

Fun oh so fun

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"

And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And woman gained
pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese.

And there was ice cream for dessert. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak from Cracker Barrel (If you don't know what this is you don't in the south. It is the BEST home cooking restaurant EVER!!!) so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming withnutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed, and created quadruple bypass surgery, angioplasties,
and stints . . . . .

And Satan?





Satan created HMO's...


This is so funny I had to share with all the diets and such going around..

Hana

Update

So the bank is working with us and reversing half the charges, thank you bank! Master wanted to get laid last night, and I just did the BJ thing because Master said I didn't look "into it". I probably looked like a zombie.

BTW I am putting some avon up so if anyone is interested go to

http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQfgtpZ1QQfrppZ25QQsassZkenshiQ5flari

they are all under kenshi_lari

anyway you can also go here to buy some to...

www.youravon.com/cherisselewis

I have nothing more to say...

Loves

Hana

What a gloomy day

So last night I right the check to the sitter, thinking there is no way in hell it will go in before Tuesday night. So I go get the difference (about 35 dollars) to put in the bank today. BUt what did happened was not what I expected, and hence the check went through last night. Our particular bank puts the checks through first and then the debit payments. Which means they make more money off of us, because instead of one fee of $36 dollars...we now have four fees. Of course we don't have the money for the four fees, since we are moving into a new place and deposits and stuff. I called Master immediately in tears, and all he said was "you should have put the money in last night". Sigh...I don't know what I am going to do. I am sure you guys don't want to hear my financial problems, but I don't know what else to write about. I just so down on so many levels I can't pull myself up. It isn't even about being punished...I am just so diappointed...

such a glumy day today I just want to go to bed...

Hana

The weekend

Master and I had a wonderful weekend. We laughed, swam, and went looking for a house. We did finally find one, it is perfect (though small). But it is defintely bigger than what we live in now. And once we out grow it here than we can make a move to a bigger place, maybe in Carrollton. Now we have the long task of moving, and pack and all that

VBS day two and sex

Ok here I am again bored at worked. So here goes...

Vbs day two was a lot looser, and a lot more organized!!!! WHOO HOO! But we did have a slight problem at one of the slides. They choose 12 children out of the group to do a object lesson on cleansing feet as servants, and how it relates to cleanse your heart when you have sinned and find Jesus. It was a big hit, and all the kids loved it! After it was over the kids who did the demo got to get ahead on the sidewalk and make it up the slide faster. While they were waiting to get the clue to go up the slide, they asked the adult close to them about explaining what just did. The adult starts to explain in hush tones, because the lady teaching the lesson is still talking giving the clue and such. She stops, the lady teaching the lesson, and turns to the adult and tells her to "BE QUIET". The adult goes into explaining what she was doing, and the lady says "I don't care, you all need to BE QUIET" (and no neither person was me, I would have probably taken the ladies head off, but that is neither here nor there). I was such in a state of shock, that here we were suppose to be in a fun envirnoment so the kids could feel "safe" about asking questions. And what happens! Some adult tells them to shut up...how ridiculous. So as we are walking up the slide I talk to one of the kids that was in the lesson, and is also one of the "cool, pretty girl" I am guiding. I am explaining it to her as we are waiting in line...and I plant the seed. But I feel bad for the other 11 kids who never got to here this...so I bring it to the organizer in a email today. We will see how the response is.

After that adventure, I went home got the baby fed, washed, and in bed. Then I went and washed myself. Off into the folds of our huge down comforter. IT was snuggly I went right to sleep. I had sleeping soundly dreaming of christmas presents for Master (It's a side joke). My eyes shot open, the room was dark and my head was still encouraging me to go back to sleep. Something was wrong, and I was trying to gain senses enough to decifier it. His hand hovered over me about that time, our lips meeting my sleepy mind still confused. I blink a bit, starting to move my limbs slowly. A familiar smell lifted to my nostrils, I made a scrunchy face (this is were my nose and lips curl) and tried to pull myself from the dream world. That is when I felt it, wet, dripping my thighs. I thought did I pee on myself....I looked curiously at Master as his head was laying on my tummy. I blinked a few times and watch almost in slow motion as Master's fingers got a hold of my nipples. He turned hard one way and then the other, his big hands enveloping all of my nipple in one easy movement. That is when I realized I was wet from him playing with me. He arched his body slowly, covering me with his shadow completely, I slide legs apart without thinking. That is the moment he plunged into me, my back arching so deeply my mind went blank. His thrust become more insane and faster with each moment. His blue eyes meet mine, he leans in and whispers in my ear "Look at the slut, even when asleep you drip for me" I shiver and moaned in response. Each second seemed like minutes, each minute went on for hours. Our body meshing into one, my mind drifting in and out of conciousness. His hand finding my mouth, and shoving his finger inside. I lick them insanely like I have taught, I suck and moan and whimper from behind his fingers. He ignores me and contiues to thrust with such fury, and in the moment I think I can hold it no longer. He meets my eyes and says "Cum for me bitch" and I do. I cum and cum and cum, my walls pressing on him with each wave. His cum immediately fills my pulsing cunt, and I know that he is well satisfied. He pulls out slowly, lightly pats me on the ass and rolls over to go back to sleep. I am left in a place between dream, needing, and awake. I stay like that until I come down and than I sleep like the dead. I finally got to cummmm...yea and thank the heavens. I am happy slut

Hana

The start of VBS

ok so I lied, I do find time to post anyways. LOL VBS was a chaos zone last night. Though Master and I got three girls and two boys to guide around the water park. They are all going into 4th grade, I think that makes them about 9 or 10. We had two girls that were friends, they so reminded me of what the "cool, pretty girls" were probably like at that age before they were the "cool, pretty girls". Very sweet girls, and talked a lot. But they listened well. The compliants with the event scheduling was so beyond what I thought it would be. First off they had over 400 extra kids sign up yesterday as walk-ins last minute. That means we got over 40 kids we weren't expecting in third grade. Some grades got as large as 120. They set you up to do 15 min rotations through the story/activity and then down the slides. All this in 15 min. I knew it was going to be bad when we got stuck in the grass (IN TEXAS MIND YOU) and the story ran over 15 mins. I mean hello can you say 80 people (with adults) whining and talking about chickers and ants doesn't really get the story of God across to the kids. I told Master that they should have the story in the cabana, and than sent the kids on their way through rotations of slides. But that is not how it went, we did the story first in the grass. Than over to our first slide, which went half way ok. All our kids got down first, because I am pushy Bitch and made sure my kids the rafts they needed. Than we moved to the cabana, were they where suppose to provide snacks. It ended up being animal crackers (for third graders) and no water?! What the heck? I mean really it's Texas in mid summer, even at night it's 85 degrees. So, I ran our kids up to the water fountain and let them drink. Then we raced to the next slide, where again we did a activity that took 10 mins atleast. Have you ever tried to get 80 ppl down four slides saftely in 5 min? It just doesn't happen. Some of the glides didn't even let their kids ride because we were switching places before they got the chance. I let mine ride though, cause again I am a pushy Bitch. My kids are going to get the fun they came to get. Than we went to a small area that has watering mushrooms an leap pads. No sooner did we get there and into a line for the leap pads. When were told to get out and go to where we began at. They hurried through a wrap-up, and then raced us to the sidewalk. Where "runners", teenagers were suppose to get cards from the lines were the parents were at the gate. Then these "runners" were suppose to run down to the grade and yell out the kids names. UMMM...that so didn't happen. It was total and complete chaos. Have of our thrid was on one and half on the other. People were talking so loud even when you screamed a child's name they couldn't hear you sometimes. The "runners" have the time spoke in low tones that sounded like mice. Sometimes the parents would get so fustrated they would come down and snag their kids. My two little girls were last, and they thought they were going to be left their all night. Poor babies! I tried to reassure them that their ride would pick them up. Eventually, we got a runner who came for them. I was so worried they were going to cry first. I hope tonight goes better. Keep your fingers crossed.

Hana

Pics

I know I said I wasn't going to post again...but I found some of the Corpus pics so here ya go...

What my body needs!

You know I am so crazy busy I really don't have time to really blog, but after reading Master Enigma's post here I know what my body has been silently craving for weeks and weeks. It's the need for him again, the feeling of his control, of his pain, of his hand stretching me, of his fingers sliding over my mouth, of his manness entering me. I need to fill him, though I know it probably won't be until this weekend. My body won't shut these feelings out. Master is not helping any, he is upping the anty. He knows I haven't cum in over two weeks, and last night as I helping Bitty up the stairs his trailing his fingers under my cotton panties and just barely gracing my needy pussy. Oh how he tortures me...oh how he has made me the girl I am. I am sure my dear readers can not even imagine a shy girl of 5 years ago, that wouldn't even say cunt. Who would cover her ears at the sounds of words like slut, pussy, and dick. Can you imagine that? I will have to post some pictures of me 5 years ago, and me today and let you get a glimpse at me before Master. I am wanting to post some pictures from corpus, but I keep forgetting to bring them to work.

Dear readers when your having the best orgasm in the world this week, think of me. For maybe it will ease the tension I feel.

Wish everyone a wonderful week.

Hana

The weekend, and Death

the weekend went absolutely the best it could have. Master, R, Bitty, and me all went to Six Flags. We had a great time, Bitty is just old enough to enjoy the kids rids. I took her to the bumper cars, carousel, and the trucks that run on a track. She was laughing, smiling, and ohhhing. I am so glad she had fun. Master and R went on some roller coasters that they had to wait in long lines for. I don't roller coasters, so they had fun while I watched Bitty. I went on this spinning hat, and Master had Bitty watching. She got all scared because she thought I was being hurt. Master couldn't get her to calm down. Poor Baby :(

Master's father's sister's husband passed away on Saturday night. We tried all day sunday to get a hold of his dad. Master finally got a hold of him today. My avon district leader had a death in the family, and she had to run off to take care of that. Then Annissa from here, her girl's step-mother is passing probably this weekend. I feel so sad for her, I wish we were closer. Maybe it's just the weekend. I guess everyone has to pass at the same time or something.

Anway I have VBS all week with the 3rd graders at a waterpark, so I don't how much typing I'll get in. But I'll try to keep in touch.

Lots of Loves,

Hana

Blist

Last night was wonderful, Master and I sat on the couch and watched tv. We laughed and tickled Bitty....and we made plans for the weekend. I can't wait! We are going to make a run to six flags and spend the late afternoon and early evening enjoying the rides. Lots of fun to be had I am sure!!! I think Master is going to go see Pirartes of the Carribean 2 with some friends tonight, he should have lots of fun. Is anyone watching big brother 7 or Supernova (Rockstar)? If so who you cheering for? I am so tv addicted....LOL

Have a great weekend!

Hana

The stress of life

So Master and me had a bit of a tif last night. Bitty was completely fussy with her teeth (cutting her 2 year molers) and having to be woken up twice to go someplace. I was trying to put her into bed, and looking all over the place for her night light. (On a side note: When Master is home with the kidos the house becomes a war zone. I know this and should be prepared, but everytime it drives me nuts). So, I have to put the screaming child down to go search for the light she pulled out of the wall. Master is looking, and I guess Bitty chunked her sippy cup over the kiddy gate and it exploded all over the title floor. This all unknown to me, due to the fact that I am in her bedroom on the other side of the house looking for the light. Master yells down the house..."What the heck is this?" I don't answer cause I figure he is talking to himself....I mean how would I know I am on the other side of the house. He yells again about something on the floor and did I do this? Me? Why the heck would I , and what would I be doing? He explains later that he thought I was so pissed I threw the cup at him? That so doesn't make sense, since I have never thrown anything at him (mad or not). But this is what he thought. I yell back down the hall, "I really have no idea, I am looking for the light". For some reason this doesn't compute as a answer to him..and he continues to yell. I finally find the light, get the baby and bed..and off to the Master I go. This is when I realize that what he is yelling about is the spilled milk on the floor. So I walk past him, get a rag and wet it to get it off the floor. He is upset now, and I just completely ignore it. I probably shouldn't have, but I'm upset and I am trying to not take his head off. He reacts by pulling on my hair and fussing about ignoring him...and than storms off. Now, let me stop it here and say that Master has never hurt me EVER. But because of my past, when Master even slightly goes physical for punishment I tend to have a problem handling it. In the past I have gone hysterical....but in this situation I just stood there took a couple of breaths and started to clean the floor. Master came over and helped me, and then I went for a walk and got the mail. Then I ate dinner, and went and sunk into a bath. Master came in and we talked for a good 1 hour or two. Master expressed how upset it made him that I didn't respond, when I explain that I had. He than talk to me about how in situations like this he feels conflicted about which avenue to take. He says it's so hard to know and read me in those situations, to try to find the degree of what I can take and what the right action is to take. It's not that he doesn't think there is a action that should be taken, there is just so many choices. I appoligized and told him I should have come over and seen, and expressed my fustrations and gave suggestions in my mind of what could have worked. But it is hard for me because I am slave...and he is Master. We have tried mentors in the past, and they have never worked out. So as I told Master, he is going in blind, and in doing so he takes a huge risk each time he does something (control, sexual, etc). But that it is the only way to find out how to become who he wants to be, and for me to become what he wants me to be. That there are going to be times that this happens, and all you can do is learn. He talked to me for a long time and I talked back with my opinions and then he gave me a bath. He hasn't done this since I was pregnant. I truly enjoy it, but we just haven't had the time. He washes me, hair and body...and than shaves my legs and puss. It is so relaxing. He than wraps a towel around me, and lets me dry off. He finishes it off by brushing my hair. It is in these intimate moments that I find his love, and know how hard it is for him. I know this journey in the end will reap great rewards...but last night was a upside down in a roller coaster. Such is life sometimes...maybe someday we will both have someone close that we can confide in. I truly hope so..

Hana

I'm Home

Hey everyone out there!!!! I am finally home. We had a great time. It rained the whole time, off and on. But Master pushed me to go out and have fun. It was a great time! We went to the aquarium, and spent three hours watching the kidos eyes light up. Than spent a afternoon on the beach..and running through the water. It wasssss soooo funnN! I am so glad we went, even with the long drive..and the fussy kids. The Bitty caught a virus but she seems to be doing well now. I missed you all.....biggg HUGGGGS!!!

Hana