I'm back abit

I guess since I slept so long this weekend I can't sleep now. I am not even remotely tired and I should be. My body feels like it is going in a million different directions. I can finally breathe with some relief so that's good news. Master and I got in a disagreement this weekend, it festered and festered due to my sickness...so by the time I told him how I was feeling I just wanted to puke, run, and cry all the sometime. You see Master games twice a month...d&d. On two Sundays, this append to be one of those days. Before I got sick, I found out I was suppose to work all weekend. He first told me he would stay home, no problem. Than Friday at lunch*when I just getting sick* he says out of the blue..."I think Casey from work can watch the baby..So I'm going to drop the baby off with her..She has boyfriend but it's ok." I flipped...This coming from a man, who when I wanted a babysitter he wouldn't let me put her anywhere but at his dads. It took me months to find a girl we trusted, and than she was watched like a hawk the first couple times. SO, needless to say I was pissed and being sick didn't help. I told him that by no means who my daughter be going to a girls house "from work" who had a boyfriend and no children. So, than when I come home sick Friday running 103 temp he says "Well Casey says she could come over here and watch the baby. Since your sick and all." I, of course, flipped again. I told him that I never felt he would be so selfish to leave his daughter with whoever while his sick wife isn't in bed because she's worried about the child. Well he drops it, and I get really sick....I lower temp. And than it would come back up again. I was hallucinating and seeing spots, and having trouble breathing. He comes in the room and starts typing on the computer. Now this normally doesn't bother me, but I felt like shit...And so I asked him so politely "Master can you please go in the other room so I could sleep" He said something that just set me off and than slammed the bedroom door and went into the living room. I told Master later if I could have gotten out of bed I would have thrown a suitcase at him. I figured if he wants to leave that bad, get the fuck out. Later that night I couldn't catch my breath so Master called 911, I end up in the hospital all night as they give me advain and basically tell me that I am imaging my problems.....Yeah WHATEVER~ Well when I get home I call my doc...It's sometime in the morning. The Doctor on call, calls back and she;s a total bitch...I had the phone to Master and Master hangs up on her. Than my really doctor calls us back, and he says that maybe the er doc thought it was pullcey(sp?) and that maybe be why he gave me the vikadin and adavan. But my doc said that he felt like I just needed a stronger antibiotic. And so he called me in one...And whala I was cured mostly.

SO than tonight Master and I start talking about why I was so upset. I told him and try to explain to him how I felt. About how going "out with your friends" is not what brought the issue. But going about every way to get the goal done was. That it made it seem to me like he didn't want to be here...Etc. He said he wasn't leaving, and that he loved me. Than went in the other room to think. He came back and apologized said he really didn't know I was so sick until last night. That I was saying "I am feeling better" and so he took that at face value. I told him I couldn't tell him cause than he'd "stay home" cause of me and I'd be "topping from the bottom". He smiled and kissed me on my forehead. He said that people make mistakes, but that I would never be topping from the bottom by showing him his actions if they were true. Maybe it just hit a nerve...With me being sick, and my abandonment issues, and the worry of the baby with stranger. Maybe I was just being overparnoid?

Does it make me a to coddling to be so overprotective of my daughter?

THE FLU

You know this flu is som nasty shit...i have been runnign a fever for three days and am on so much meds i could die...I will return as soon as i am better.

My History

I think it needs to be expressed the history of my life. You see I have a lot email me, and ask daunting questions....such as:

Why do a lot of girl's in the lifestyle have histories of abuse in the their past?
Don't you think you are placing yourself in a position to be abused, simply because that is all you know?
Don't you think it would help to get some counseling instead of countinuing the cycle of abuse under the lifestyle umbrella?

All these questions and more have come at me lately....

So, I think a background...from beginning to end...will help the others understand my place right now in life. Also, the reasons I CHOOSE to live the way I do.

I have no memory of myself before the age of four. The first thing I remember is peeing in the bed because I was told that if I got out of bed without asking a monster would eat me. My father called me a baby and I cried. I lived in apartments most of my life, the friends I identify with are boys over girls. Needless to say, when the first group of boys..at 5...told me how "I could be friends with them"...I jumped at it. Still to this day, I am unsure why I was surrendering to that. But it was what I felt was right. The more controlling of the boys snuck me into the a clubhouse off the pool, while his buddies came with him. He told me that I had to play spin the bottle, and explained to me what it was, and when I refused they got up and started to leave me there alone. I hated being alone, and the dark terrified me for years even into adulthood. So, what is a little girl to do but give in. This struggle went on for weeks, me showing them things and they showing me, one day one of the boy's mother came to pick him up early. The controlling boy, he had locked his bedroom door, and his mom was on the other side screaming to open the door. We all hurried to get our clothes on, but the little boy told. That sent calls to my parents, and my father confronted me in the bath tube. He told me how dirty I was, and how I was going to be called a whore if I did things like that. I am not sure what clicked on in my brain that day, but from that day on I masturbated. It started innocent at first....I'd touch here of there. But as the years continued it became more in depth. I remember tidbits of things in my family: my mother being slapped with a box of frozen peas so hard it knocked her to the floor, and once when my mom went to visit her sick mother my dad created this system of spanking. He would slap me the fist time, than send me to my room the second time, and would have bend over and be hit with a belt the last time. The abuse became more and more extreme as I grew older, as it did my brain started trying to cope by digging into the fantasy world. I created a whole new family, who had money and wealth, I even told people I wasn't really my parents child. That I was abandoned as a baby. These dreams of a family turn from innocent to abuse in what seemed like overnight. The "father" would rape me as punishment, tie me under his desk, make me pee in a diaper, bend me over things and whip me with a belt until I was bruised. The "brothers" also feeled these roles from time to time. So, as I entered my teenage years and my father became so controlling I couldn't even leave the house. I sought was to escape. Though I never sought drugs, I did become sexually active at 12, though not cock in pussy, more foreplay related. Though it wasn't the "normal" foreplay. My boyfriends would spank me, suck my nipples til they fell asleep, have me pee on them, etc. On my 13th birthday, I was officaially raped by a man pretending to be a police officier. I never once struggled, he took his time, removed my clothing slowing, touch my skin.....I never once was scared. I did tell my parents afterwards, which was probably my biggest mistake. Girls from my school lived in our apartment, and they found out what happened to me and would taunt me with it everyday. The police dismissed the charges because I could never truly identify the man who did it me. The only thing I remember is his shoes, feet, and hair. I guess this was the straw that broke the camlas back for my mother, because she left my father a "dear John" letter and disappeared for 6 years. My father than had me "step" up as wife. Making me cook and clean, study, and make repairs to clothes..and anything a mother would do besides sex. My fanatasys increased the the point that the boys I dated never satified me, I then started dating older men. One night my father came home, and dinner wasn't ready. He told me that he was going to ship me off to CPS and all the things that would happen to me there. He raised a hot pan off the stove, he always choose things immediately in his reach, and while yelling at me threatened to beat my head in with it. I was cutting onion at the time, and that was the first time the darkness consumed me. I was so beyond comprehension that I turned slowly and told him I would kill him if he even tried. That must of scared him, because he told me that I couldn't do it because I would end up in jail. Since, I or my mother had never reported the abuse no one would believe me. That is the only reason I didn't kill that day. I told myself that if I could just make it through these few years, I could live on my own.

I did just that, at 17, I moved out with my boyfriend. Who , surprise surprise, was abuse but more physical than mental. He broke my wrist, nose, and ankle once. I continued to stay in the house with him, his mother (who was a manipulator), and my daughter for a good four years. Til the night he almost killed me. I than made a choice to leave, but I knew I would never get out the door with the baby. I regret that decision everyday....for when I left without her his mother filled suit for custody. After a long, back and forth, through the courts I gave in to her having the child. I just couldn't put my baby on the stand...which is where it was leading. She was 4 at the time, and her grandmother took off with her out of country before I could think twice. They have been missing for years. I am in the process of using a private investigator to track them down. My fear is that the son she created will end up creating a very lonely daughter. This moment sticks with me, and haunts my dreams.

Once they were gone, I had no reason to not become what my father always said I would be. I started stripping. It was the worst experience of my life, but the money was so good I couldn't leave on my own. Besides I could manipulated these men just as easily as having a child love you because you offer them candy. It was easy, but hard on my inner self. I was still do this, and drowning myself in alcohol, when I met Master. We were friends for a good year, before we started dating.

About that time I found BDSM, I thought it was my answer to my prayers. A way to feel safe, in a abusive...uncaring world. But that wasn't true. Being naive and young, I disillusioned myself by trusting men and talking precautions. When I wanted to go met a man from online, I got in the car and went. Even if it was 8 states away. I ended up with a man, who wipped me reapeatly for an infraction at my first party that I bleed for days. But I never gave up hope. When Master and I started dating, he became interested in what peeked my interest. We exlpored it together. Through all the first year of our marriage, I tried to conquer the demons inside me alone. I so loved this man, that I new from the beginning I was not the ideal "good thing" for him. After, being told lie after lie from a good friend of mine...I made up my mind that it was Master's fault I wasn't happy and I had to move out. I did, and terribly hurt him. But he was patienet. He called me every night and let me cry on his shoulder even when I had broken his heart. One day after a very bad arguement with my friend, who told me I need to move into this swingers house and become one of "their lovers", my Master said the words I had been waiting to hear. "I am getting in my car, and coming to get you." And he did. He drove 6 hours one way, to come help me pack and drive me home. Once home, he told me a few things he would no longer stand for. They were simple things, not stripping for one, and how what his ending goal for our relationship was. He told me how much he loved me, and that he would help me see that I can trust and let the demons of my past not overcome me. I fear that if I would not have gotten this extended hand from him, I would have become a person I would not want to met anywhere. I have had glimpses of myself in the darkness. No concious, uncaring, angry little girl. But thankfully that never was a issue once Master brought me home. He cuddle me, loved me, and slowly taught me things I never new. Both sexually and emotionally. He opened windows that were filled with light, and I shrieked back in fear. He took my hand slowly, and showed me it was safe. By the end of that year I had begun to be able to sleep without light or sound in the house. For the first time in my life, I felt loved. Than we found out he was sick, with brain cancer, it hit us like a ton of bricks. Master went through surgery, and came out a changed man. His personality was not so forgiving, and sometimes he startled me into tears. But he never once laid a hand on me...ever. Slowly over this last year, some of his tenderhearted ways have returned. The man is now more in control, more motivated to the end goal than before, but is also patient, kind, loving.

I have slowly been able to express my hidden secrets to him, and he has taken them and made them into something beautiful. He built my self esteem with love and trust. He told me each morning how much he loved me, and how beautiful I was. He changed my life. As I look at our daughter, I pray each day that I will truly overcome my past and be a good nurturing mother to her.

So to the answer the questions...why are 95% of the girls in the lifestyle abused as a child in some way. Because their are predators out there who pray on children...some are friends, some are strangers, and some are their own family. Once abused, your life changes...your thoughts and mind become different. You either become a no feeling beast...or you give into the "giving" "submitting" nature that the abuse made you into. This is the way we, as women in this lifestyle, feel safe. This is the way that we change our views, through the men that care enough to mold us into better people. These are the moments I sit in his warm arms, rubbing his chest, and feeling completely safe......

SAFE...how sweet it is...

I hope this answers some questions...

I wish all a wonderful day,

Hana
~Robert's little flower~

Rants and whatnots

So this is going to be one those rants, I wouldn't be suprised if everyone just skipped this post.

You see I have all this stuff running around in my head and I need to get it out before consumes me. So here goes...

I have a lovely daughter, we call her bitty for short, and she is 16 mon old. She has just hit the tantrum stage...and I am having to work 12 hour shift than sleep a few hours off and on while she is awake before I have to be at work. This is majorily stressing me out, and in the end my fustration is coming out in how I talk to my lovely child. You see, I was brought up in a bad home (emotionally and physically abuse)....and I started being sexually active at 4 (playing spin the bottle and masterbating. So, when she acts up my intial repsonse is one of anger....and it has taken me all my willpower sometimes not to be overloaded with the rage againist my past. Without Master I don't I could be as good as a mom as I am....mostly when I get fustrated I put elmo on and curl up in Master's bed. It soothes me and gives me time to collect my thoughts. This morning was no different she constantly wanting and needing...and me trying to sleep and not go crazy. She does this thing were she stands at the bottom of the ottoman on the couch and whines until we put her up on the couch. Then when I do she pokes me in the face...it can be very fustrating when you are trying to sleep. So, I just let her run a muck this morning. I closed off the kitchen and the rest of the house with baby gates. Turned on elmo and let her go.....I just hope that I can find ways to overcome my past abuse and not place it on my child. I have had consuling and have been medicated with meds that I don't need in the past. Than I found a good person I could open up to, and she said is all about retraining yourself....and guess what I have the best man in the world to do it.

He has been kind, gentle, patient, but still firm and in control. This makes our relationship counter balace each other. When I am sad he is happy, and vica versa. He is my rock, and through him I see our future. I have know come to grips with the fact that we got smacked in the face with his cancer. I know, with doctors reviews, that he will be around a long time. I truly don't know how I would make it without him. When people ask if I would remarry or reenslave to someone else, I immediately say NO. Because it was a big risk that I took with Master....and I would NEVER want to put our children in jeopardy of being damaged the way I was. I refuse to allow them to be hearded like cattle or stompt on like ants.

This all brings me back to the point of this lengthy thinking.... I have been reading Lee Erotic...and as I do I see all the reasons why I say I will never reenslave. Besides once the one and only is gone, how can you replace him?

SO, I think to myself.....how do I overcome all this stress with her tantrums? I have a good friend that advices me on things since shes older...but it isn't truly helping. Sometimes I feel like I not meet my intended goals and that makes me depressed.

Master has been talking to this other man in Phily. I told you all about him, well he's convinced Master to get a disciplining tool in the house. It is called a kurt, and it's a nasty thing from what I hear. Now I am a BIG pain endorphin slut...but just pain for punishment I am not sure I can take. I know Master will stop if I can't, but it still scares me deeply.....Anyone have any advice?

Also, our 3 anniversary is coming up..and I am trying to get ideas for a gift for him. I originally thought that I should have a oil painting done of me and the baby...but than I thought that was more father's day than anniversary. Than I thought maybe some professional nude photos of me in album....but than I thought what if someone who doesn't about is finds them....so now I am out of ideas. I want something original..and suprising at the same time. Any suggestions?

Hana

A interesting turn of events

So, I got home early last night...since Monday's are my eight hour days. I cuddled up in bed with Master and we talked and cuddled. Than I said I was going to go take a bath...so off I toddered. I said trail words as I disappeared around the corner "You could always come wash me...Master". I let the last part trail off my tounge like melted choclate. He said "I will consider it", and as the water was filling I peeked my head around the door and teased..."I'm nekkid" and giggled. He wiggled his fingers to come to him, and I did. stretching my curved body into his clothed and warm chest. We kissed for awhile, and than I toddled back off to the water to turn it off. When I came back he lifted the covers, and shoved my head towards his cock. I took it in my mouth, allowing it to expand in the warm tenderous of my cheeks. As it expanded he slid out from under me, and stood up beside the bed. I moved over closer to the edge, and he began massaging me from head to toe...flipping me over at one point and spanking my bottom hard and long. I moaned into the sheets, as Master went and closed the bedroom door. He dipped his fingers into my pussy, one by one, stretching me out for his cock. My pussy tends to be to tight, and so he has to awaken it or it will rip me wide open. Once he was satisfied at my wetness, he kneeled behind me...yanking my knees in to lift my ass and pound his shaft down my wet inner folds in one movement. The room went black, and I left out a exstasy of satisfaction. He plunged into for a good while, constantly switching from my legs together to spread apart til we were finally hung over the bed...Than he had me lick my juices from my cock, and forced me up againist his tall chest of drawers. Pressing his cock back into me fast and quick...and just then I heard "WHAHHH Ma MA" I sighed but he ignored. He is good at ignoring, he lifted me up, plopped on the bed, forced my head into the sheets, and pounded until he was finished....I was allowed to cum when he did and that was pure heaven. I quickly moved into the tub, cleaned quickly, and went to take care of the now screaming child. I rocked her in my tender arms, againist my naked chest, and sung to her until she was asleep. Than I move into bed with Master, he immediately started chilling...talking about how I took the life out of him. He went off to the living and got like 8 different blankets. I soothed him, and touched his face...and then his fever spiked...and of course that cause his seizures to hit. I talked him through it, and than gave him a good massage to realease the tention. I watched him sleep for awhile, making sure he was ok. Then driffted back to sleep for a couple hours. When I awoke the baby was crying, and Master was asleep on the couch. No FEVER! Yeah...but the child ended up in our bed..and it took me over an hour to get my precious girl back to sleep..

Why do children always pick the nights that are the hardest not to sleep in their own bed?

All in all it was good, Master was feeling good when I left.

Have a good day

Hana

The weekend from Hell

This weekend it was interesting...Master took me and the baby to the mall. We tried a child harness that goes over her shoulders and around her waist. Than a leash attaches to it....lol. So she started walking and it was all going well until we got in a store. Than it happened she wrapped herself around the stroller and tumbled head first to the concrete. Bloody nose..bloody lip and all..sighs. Master ran and got some papertowels from the clerk, and I held until it stopped bleeding. Needless to say she didn't stay in the harness after that. Master ran down to one of the main stores, and got a cart. We stuck her bum in it, kicking and screaming and we feed her to keep her quiet. We did find some nice clothes...in Penny's I pulled off my pants and changed right in the isle. Simply because I was to exhausted to go to the changing rooms on the other side of the world. Master growled in my ear, and "tested" the pants for firmness....and after hissing a bit and running his hands between my thighs. Approved of the pairs I tried on, I also got a couple shirts.

It all turned out well in the end, we grabbed some food on the way out and head back through the cold (COLD IN TEXAS..LOL) and tried to find our car in the parking lot. Than the baby fell asleep on the way home. I drugged her up the stairs and into bed, and than began to sort the massive loads of laundry I needed to do. Master helped for a while, than we cuddled up on the couch and watched a movie.

Sunday, I overslept church. Master took the baby anyway and let me sleep, since I had been sick for over a week. Then he went and did laundry for me, while I watched the baby. Than we talked for what seemed hours...while the baby kept getting in my face. It drives me crazy when she gets up on the couch than pokes me in the face and than wants down. Now the warm air is back and I'm sick again...Darn it.

But at least my cycle has stopped, and maybe I can get laid tonight..Keep your fingers crossed.

Hana
~Robert's little flower~

Friday night adventure

Well, I had to work til 1 am on Friday. It was very slow at work, so I was reading all my blogs that I constant read. As I read I realized how much I wished I was home. Home in Master's arm, his strong hands barely touching my mind. My mind than invaded me, there and then, with sexual fantasies. Images of Master tying me to the bed and fucking me from behind with the brutual force, things of floggers falling on my bare backside. I get warm just thinking about.

Needless to say, Once I was home I was horney as a little slut. Master was asleep when I arrived. I let out a breath of fustration, stripped and curled up in the bed next to him. About an hour into my sleep, he curls into me and grougly ask how my day was. I tell him of my adventures at work, and he has me describe in detail how horney I am for his cock. I tell him all my thoughts "Master I am so in need for your control in my pussy. I need your cock to envelop into my warm folds." But than I am reminded I am on my cycle. Cycles suck!!! See, when I am on my cycle I bleed forfusely. Master doesn't want his bed dirty. But he does enjoy to torture me.

First, he started with my nipples. Slowly circling his warm fingers are them...and in a instant he twist to pain limits. He normally isn't so harsh...more slow build up. This way I can overcome my pain and enter my zone. But tonight was different. My mind scream as he twisted the other nipple drastically. My back arched and my pussy went wet, I moaned and he smiled. "You are such a whore" he tells me. By body instantly is overtaken...he continues to suck, bit, and twist my nipples until I am in agony. I can feel my body working to orgasm, and than it happens. The thing I always feared, by body revolted againist me. It would get to the edge of climax and that fall back. (ON IT'S OWN)....I sighed and Master said "What's wrong?" as his kisses trailed down my stomach. I explained to him my perdictment, and he smiled. A smile that tells me I'm in trouble. That begins my night. He pushes on top of my pressing his hard cock againist my pussy. I moan, wiggle, arch and feel such heat. He turns on his side, wraps his hand in my hair, and directs my mouth to his hard cock. I devour it, like it is my lifeforce. He moans, and picks up in breath. "That's such a good slut" he growls. I am in heaven, as he rolls onto his back and my mouth follows. My pussy crushes into his thigh, and he pounds his leg into my mound. I turn slightly on my side, so he can have access to my tits like he wants. He smiles and twittles his hand down to my waiting tit. I work his cock as he works my tit and pussy. Mixing both in our fucking session, My body feels so needed, but my body continues to give me no relief. Master is gaining more ecstasy. He grabs my hair and fucks my mouth and face until he is so close. Than he pulls me off of him and orders me againist the wall on my knees. He looks down over me and begins to jack off over me. I wiggle and moan opening my mouth to the taste. I wait patiently, he calls me all the names that turn me on just as he cums all over my face. He brings me a rag as I am licking my face. Than he turns and sits at his computer. He pants his side of the bed, and I crawl up on it...laying on my back.

He intermediately plays with my nipples. Soft and gently..keeping me on edge...but not so much to keep me awake. I fall asleep as he plays with me. I have no idea how long I was out. I just know the next thing I feel is his mouth on my tit, bitting me til I arch and let out a deep moan. It send shivers down my spine. I rock into the mattress below me. He spreads my legs harshly and begins to spank my needy pussy. I feel the oragasm coming, but again my body declines. I pound my fist into the bed, and he chuckles. He plays with me for a hour at least, maybe more (I wasn't watching a clock) before he turns and beckons me to gently carress him. I work my kisses down to his cock, and enjoy the slow licks and sucks of on his cock. It is so comforting I begin to fall back asleep. Curled up between his legs. He smacks cock againist my face and I wake up and kiss and suck. This continues for a very LONG time, until I turn and enjoy him for what seems like forever. He than removes my head from his cock again, tells me to stand in the tub and await his cock. I run eagerly...He slams my hands againist the tile of the shower and forces his cock into me. My whole body quivers, I feel the oragasm. He slams in me repeatingly and than growls in my ear to cum. I do hard, fast, and wonderful. My legs go weak, and he holds me up pounding into me more and more. My body convulses. As my mind goes blank he growls to me "I am cumming bitch" and he does. I let out a sigh of relief. As he removes his cock, he lowers me into the tub. Turning on the shower. He helps me stand, and works the warm water over me. Washing away the blood, that has trickled down my thighs. He tenderly takes care of me, soaping, washing, and caring for me. Until I am lying back in his bed. He kisses me tenderly "I lover you my Hana" is the last I hear before I am sound asleep.....

And now I have brusies in places I never thought I could have brusies. My nipples are constantly craving his touch again...until next time....

Just an ordinary day

Well yesterday was sure interesting. We dropped the baby off the headed to look at this day care about 5 to 10 min from her daycare now. Master and I are looking for a better learning environment for her. Though they love her were she is at now. They don't have the education means that Master wishes. So I spent the last week or so, searching for daycares in our price range that meet the requirments for her education. I found two or three....so yesterday we went off to see them. Master and I were talking the whole way, and when we got about half way there he said something like..."This is not meant to be critical but....". I could feel my tummy tighting, and my wall instantly went up. Ready to defend myself from anything he had to say, what he said was that he thought it was strange that we had moved close to his work to save on driving and now we were going to be driving further to the baby's daycare. This was before he even gave the place a look over. I got very hurt and I defended myself by saying "Well there really wasn't much by your work, and the stuff that was is way out of our price range. The place I would love to put her. It is $260 a week, do you have $260 cause I sure don't?" That's when it happened, he said the words I never thought I would hear him say "Girl I am about to back hand you..." My heart screm what...should I cry, my head screamed (in a little voice) "but I am not done talking", and my belly screamed...."of yes you are". I did a mixture of them all together. I dropped my jaw to my chin, swallowed a bit, took in a deep breath and tried not to cry while looking out the window. Once Master saw the place, he loved it for preschool that is, and we have two more places to go. Hopefully I can make it through this stressful time without getting in to deep of trouble. Than, Master had another followup with his new chemotherapist. His doctor was late, of course, like a hour and half. But once we got in and talked to him it went quite well....other than we have to hold off on having another child for a year still..sighs.

Oh well such is life.

Lots of loves,

Hana
~Robert's little flower~

T"M Back

So Master and I saw Red Eye tonight on DVD. It was great just siting and curling next to him. He finally met a Master who is really willing to take him under his wing. They are exchange emails, and he is getting training notes and manuals from this other Master. I am so glad he found another male he can trust, and grow with. Of course, we than had wonderful sex. Master started out with a light teasing of my clit...slowly entering his fingers into my sex. All the while I was licking and teasing his cock. I truly felt like the slut I am . He has learned this new move with his fingers in side me, sort of like a wave up in my vagina to my g-spot. It drives me CRAZY. After getting my dripping wet, Master than had me suck his cock. He pounded his head into the back of my throat, and raped my mouth. I was so needy than, I could have fucked the floor or dirt if he asked. I was placed on the bed. Than he forced his cock into my dripping pussy, in and out with such force, I was overwhelmed. His mouth found my nipples, and I came over and over. Master is so controlling in our bed that it drives me wild. The slutiest way he talks to me...tell me how much he will use me and how. Calling me trashy names, it makes me wiggle and squirm. I could no longer hold it in, my body sored and has he looked in my eyes and sent his seed into me I could have just gone on for days. I went and took a shower, and now am curled under the soft comforter.

Lots of love,

Me

What an adventure

I am so sorry I haven't kept up with this blog as of late. I have been working crazy hours, but just recently got switched to 2nd shift. I absolutely love it!!! I go perm. On march 1st YEAH!!! Master and I have been doing great...we met another couple and the Master's girls have been talking to me. It is wonderful to express my concerns, fears, and anxieties with someone who doesn't judge me. I haven't had a bond like this since jade. I miss jade, and truly wish she was back in my life but nothing I can do. I think her life has just overwhelmed her. The people on my shift are christian too so that works out great for me! We have to work overtime this weekend :(

Master and I are growing together, it is doing wonderful.....Master found a new chemotherapist and he is wonderful! He his patient and kind, and truly expresses all that is misunderstood.

I can't wait for eveything to start click. I truly hope to find a nanny for the baby soon, I hate the daycare shes at.

Lots of love

Hana